


Leave it on the Field

by Jh3ma



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Football | Soccer, Football | Soccer Player Lexa (The 100), Music, Singer Clarke Griffin, Singer Lexa (The 100), Soccer player Clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jh3ma/pseuds/Jh3ma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin transfers to a new University where she meets their soccer captain, Lexa Woods, who she immediately dislikes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is my attempt to sort of modernize what happens in the 100 (with a few changes). I hope you enjoy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re w-w-what???” Clarke stuttered as she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“We’re getting rid of the girl’s soccer team here at Arkadia U. We don’t have enough funding anymore to support it.” Chancellor Jaha said from behind Coach Kane, who was sitting with his head in his hands at his desk.

“But what’ll happen to the team? I’m the captain of this team and I care about what happens to my teammates. Most of us are here on scholarship! We want to be playing soccer in college. We’re supposed to be Sky Crew until we graduate.” Clarke’s voice grew louder and louder with each word until she was screaming at the chancellor.

Kane looked up speaking in an effort to calm down Clarke and decrease the tension growing in his office. “I know. We understand and we called the collegiate athletics board to discuss the circumstances and the scholarship players have a few options. You can stay at Arkadia U and not play soccer anymore. However, you would lose the athletics scholarship you have and would have an academic scholarship you would have to maintain through your gpa. Or you can transfer to Triku U and you would be welcomed to the Grounders soccer team there. You would be eligible to play this season as well. It’s up to each of you individually but coach Indra over at grounders has said that she would welcome any scholarship players who wanted to transfer.”

Without speaking, Clarke turned around and slammed the door to her coach’s office, tears silently running down her face as she made her way to her teammates.

“We heard everything.” Octavia barely could get her words out. “So what are we going to do? Do we stay here? I want to keep playing but if Triku is our only choice I don’t know if I want to take it.” The Grounders were the complete rival for Arkadia. They were big, mean, and played dirty. But they were good. They were the only team worth competing against for Arkadia. The only team who gave them a run for their money as the top in the nation.

By this time Clarke’s tears had disappeared and her blue eyes turned to steel. “Well, I want to play. I hate the Grounders and everything Triku U but I know I gotta play if I want to go pro after college. So I’m gonna transfer. Is anyone going to join me?”

“I’m in.” Octavia, Raven, Harper, and Monroe said at the same time.

“Hey, if you guys are transferring count us in too. Arkadia is nothing without you guys.” Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother spoke up, motioning to Jasper, Monty, Murphy, and Miller. They all nodded in agreement. Clarke smiled. She wasn’t surprised Bellamy offered to transfer with them, Octavia and him were close even though they fought a lot and Bellamy had become one of her best friends in the two years they knew each other. They had become the unofficial leaders of their friend group, coming up with all the plans, hosting all the parties and get togethers, and dealing with everyone’s problems and hard times they went through. Bellamy had become her rock and she was happy he was coming with them.

 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

            Indra blew the whistle, gathering the grounders together. “Alright ladies, we’re welcoming five new transfers from Arkadia’s women’s team to our team. They’re new so show them the ropes and make them feel at home.” The entire grounders team groaned and rolled their eyes looking over at the new players. “Alright, that’s enough. We’ll call practice for the day but get to know your new teammates.”          

Indra walked off leaving Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Monroe, and Harper standing in front of their new teammates feeling lost and awkward. Finally, one of their players stood up, her green eyes piercing through each of the new players as Raven, Octavia, Monroe, and Harper sat down with the rest of the team and began to get to know them. Clarke started walking off the field until green eyes stopped her halfway to the exit.

“So you’re the one who took out three of my players last year in our semi-final match?” She stared through Clarke’s blue eyes as she tried to intimidate her.

“You’re the one who sent them to injure us first.” Clarke spat back.

            “I see you have some spunk. My name’s Woods. Lexa Woods. I’m the captain of the grounders team. Indra may look like she’s in charge but I’m the one who runs the show around here. And I want to let you know that your teammates and you will be riding the bench if I have anything to say about it. Us grounders don’t need help.” As Lexa ended that sentence their eyes met and the stare down began. Green saw blue and refused to look away. _Fuck this girl is cute. I can’t stand where she came from but I have to admit she was a great captain at Arkadia. Two national titles in her first two years at the university? That was something to admire even if she is my enemy on the field._ Lexa couldn’t believe what she was thinking as she stared at Clarke but she couldn’t lose this stare down either.

            Clarke finally broke it off, seething and saying “We’ll play alright. Need I remind you of how the past few seasons have ended for you? We’re national champs two years running. If anything you need us. We don’t need you.” And with that she stormed off the field, glad to know her first practice as a grounder was over.

 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

  

            “Clarke, what happened back there?” O looked over at Clarke who was sprawled across the sofa in their new apartment.

            “I don’t know, O. We got there and I just felt like I couldn’t do it. I don’t think I can play for them. I hate them so much. Especially that Lexa girl. I don’t get it. She’s a total bitch and she thinks she can boss us around? Hell no. I’m not dealing with that the next two years.”

            “Well, she is the captain. Did you know they call her the commander?

            “Because she doesn’t like to have fun and hates everyone on the team?”

            “No, because she works the team hard but will do anything for any one of them. I talked to a girl named Niylah and she said they’re all a little scared of her on the field but she always has her teammates backs and they all respect her for it. She sounds pretty cool to me.”

            “I don’t care what she sounds like. That bitch had the audacity to call me out for when three of their players got hurt last season like she didn’t send them to hurt us first.” Clarke’s eyes narrowed as the anger flowed through her once again.

            “Okay, calm down Clarke. You don’t have to like her. But you do have to get along with her. At least for one season. Then maybe you can transfer to a different school.” Octavia tried to smile at Clarke to offer her support. “Maybe you should call your mom and talk to her about it?”

            “Yeah O, like my mom would even pick up. She hates me.” Clarke snorted and rolled her eyes at the mere concept of that. Abby Griffin was the head of surgery at the local hospital. Clarke thought that the only thing worse than transferring to Triku U was that she would have to be near her mom again. Her mom had transferred to the hospital near Triku after her dad had died two years earlier. Her mom blamed Clarke for his death. She knew it. That’s why Clarke refused to visit her on breaks after she transferred. Instead, she opted to go home with O and Bellamy whenever possible.

            “Clarke you know it’s not true. Maybe you can call Finn and talk to him?” Finn was Clarkes boyfriend. They met her first year at Arkadia and went through a rough patch when he found out Raven, his ex, was on Clarke’s team. But they moved past that and we’re going as strong as ever.

            “Finn won’t answer, he’s always busy now.” Clarke tried to hide the pain she still felt about Finn not coming with her to Triku, but she also understood it. “Besides, he doesn’t want to hear about my problems since I transferred. I think he feels like I chose soccer over him.”

“Clarke you know Finn loves you too much to ever- hold up- I just got a text from Niylah. There’s a team party tomorrow night and she said we’re invited. She said the commander insists that we come and bring our ‘sky crew’ friends too. You want to go?”

            Clarke smirked as she said “you bet your sweet ass we’re going.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party happens and it doesn't go as well as expected

The next night while Clarke, Octavia, Harper, Raven, and Monroe got ready they couldn’t help but talk about their new teammates. “What do you think about Niylah? Or what about Anya? They both seem pretty cool right? I mean they invited us to this party so that has to mean something.” Octavia probed her friends, asking for their painfully honest opinions.

“Anya seems pretty nice, a little closed off but I haven’t really talked to her much so I don’t feel like I have the best opinion.” Raven started laughing to herself as she continued to talk to Octavia “Also, Niylah is hot. And that’s coming from me, one of the straightest arrows you’ll find. But she’s not nearly as hot as the commander. Girl is flawless. Right Clarke?”

Clarkes eyes narrowed as she scowled at her friend. “Fuck off Raven. You know how I feel about that bitch.”

“All I’m saying Clarkey is that she’s a gorgeous specimen who is one of the best soccer players in the nation.”

“Raven, for the last time I-“ The door opened and Clarkes eyes lit up as she saw who walked in “FINN! What are you doing here?”

“Hey babe, I just thought I’d surprise my gorgeous girl after her first week at Triku. I missed you babe.” Finn couldn’t help but smile and laugh into the kiss Clarke sprung on him as she jumped in his arms.

“Get a room you two, stop being so grossly adorable” Raven rolled her eyes as she saw her ex and her best friend look like they hadn’t seen each other in months, even though it had only been about a week.

Clarke ignored her comments and gazed into Finn’s eyes “I’m so glad you’re here. It’s perfect timing too because we’re going to a party with our new teammates. You can meet all of them!”

The rest of her friends nodded in agreement as Octavia walked into the kitchen and grabbed shot glasses for all of them “alright, you guys know what time it is!” they all groaned but took the glasses without hesitation. Octavia filled each of them full with tequila and exclaimed “Cheers to friendship and soccer! Now let’s get drunk!”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The party was already roaring by the time they all walked in and they were immediately welcomed by Anya and Niylah. “Welcome newest grounders” Clarke winced at the term, unwilling to admit she’s officially a grounder. “Well what are you newbies waiting for? Let’s get you drunk!”

Octavia squealed with joy and rushed off to the kitchen with her new teammates and Clarke heard glasses clinking as they cheersed to the upcoming season. Instinctively, she grabbed Finn’s hand “wanna dance babe?”

“Of course Princess” he gave her a quick kiss and followed her to the middle of the dance floor. Their bodies moved together as one unit to the rhythm of the music. After a few songs Clarke glanced up and saw Lexa staring at her, jaw tight, radiating disapproval. _What problem does this bitch have with me?_ Clarke looked away from the captain and looked for her friends around the room. She saw Octavia, Harper, and Monroe around the beer pong table watching Raven and Bellamy take on Echo and Anya.

“Hey babe, how about we get some drinks and join the others at beer pong?” Finn just nodded in response, most his shaggy hair sticking to his forehead from the heat of the room.

A few hours passed and Clarke was drunk but Finn was hammered. His eyes were glazed over and his words slurred “Princess, you know you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I love you”

Clarke giggled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek “I love you too babe.” Before Clarke could say anything else to her man, she felt someone run into her, knocking her over and spilling her drink.

“What the fuck dude? Watch where you’re going! You just knocked my girlfriend over!” Finn screamed at the guy, Gustus, and grabbed his shirt as he tried to leave. “No you’re not going anywhere. Nobody hurts my girl.”

“I’m sorry dude, I tripped ok? I didn’t mean to hurt-“ Gustus was cut off as Finn’s hand met his jaw. Gustus went down immediately. Finn jumped on top of him throwing punch after punch, relentlessly, while Clarke tried to pull him off.

“Finn! Stop it! Babe! I’m fine, please stop hitting him!” The desperation rose in Clarke’s voice as she repeated that over and over again, without any reaction from Finn.

Finally, a tall, built man pried Finn away from Gustus and pinned him against the wall. Finns eyes radiated fury and he struggled trying to get back at this mysterious man. “Dude, calm down. Gustus didn’t mean any harm. It was an accident. Your girl is fine. Take a deep breath and calm down.” His voice traveled to Finn and everyone could see the boy relaxing a little.

“I don’t know you. Don’t touch me.” Finn broke apart from the man’s grip as Clarke bit her lip from embarrassment and saw everyone’s eyes on them.

“Babe,” she whispered, “lets just go.” She was desperate to get out of there, embarrassed that her new teammates saw Finn that way in their first impression.

“No Clarke, we’re staying” Finn spoke through gritted teeth, his jaw tight from anger. “These dumbass grounders can’t tell us what to do.”

A voice floated over the top of all the yelling from everyone else “I think you should listen to your girlfriend. You’ve over stayed your welcome.” Clarke winced as she saw Lexa breaking through the crowd until she reached them. She didn’t like her new captain but she didn’t like that this was her first encounter with her outside of soccer even more. She kept her eyes to the floor, not wanting to know what would happen if she made eye contact with anyone at this party.

“Finn. Let’s go. We’re leaving.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once inside her apartment she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “What the hell was that Finn?” Clarke could feel herself getting angrier at her boyfriend with every word she said.

“You’re mad at me? What the hell did I do? That douchebag knocked you over! He should have been the one apologizing!” Finn couldn’t believe his girlfriend was actually mad at him.

“Finn, are you deaf? He did apologize. You were too busy being an asshole to listen to him. I don’t even know what came over you at that party but none of those people there deserved that.”

“Babe they’re just stupid grounders. Why are you mad at me? They’re the worst. Triku is a shitty school full of shitty people and don’t even get me started on that one girl. She’s a bitch and the leader of their shitty team who doesn’t even deserve to be there.”

Clarke had been holding it in but after that comment the tears flowed freely. “Some stupid grounders? I’m one of those stupid grounders now or are you forgetting that? I’m at this so-called shitty school and that girl? She’s my fucking captain and teammate. Don’t you dare talk about her like that.”

Her voice cracked as she finished talking and Finn grew quiet. “Baby you know I wasn’t talking about you, I-“

“You just what Finn? You just thought I’d let you talk shit about my new teammates and school? I wasn’t happy about coming here but I’m not changing my mind. This is where I want to be. I’m sorry you can’t accept that and I’m sorry you’re such an asshole. We’re done.” Clarke wiped her eyes and glared at the heartbroken boy. She realized as she heard him talk shit about her team that she was officially a grounder. And for the first time, she wasn’t upset about it.

“Babe, please-“

“Just leave Finn. Like I said, we’re through.” As she watched her first love walk out and slam the door she felt a breath leave that she didn’t know she was holding. And then the tears fell.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Raven came home a few hours later to find Clarke lying in the fetal position on the floor, mascara running down her face. “Clarke? What’s wrong?”

“Finn and I“ she gasped for air “we’re done.”

“Oh honey, it’ll be ok. What happened? You were so happy earlier tonight. Was it the fight?” Raven couldn’t help but be concerned. She had never seen Clarke this devastated. She helped her up and moved her to the couch, one arm around her shoulder as Clarke buried herself in the girls shoulder. “Tell me everything Clarke. What happened when you left the party?”

“We came back here and I told him I was mad at him and he shouldn’t have fought that guy. Then he got really upset at me and said he couldn’t understand why I was upset. That they were just some stupid grounders and that they just went to a shitty school with shitty people. Then he said he hated Lexa for speaking up and that she was just some bitch who was a stupid captain of a team that didn’t deserve to be there.” Clarke paused, tears forming in her eyes, “And I told him that if he really believes that then he thinks I’m just some shitty person and I play for a team that doesn’t deserve to be on campus. I yelled at him for talking about my teammate and my captain like that and that I was sorry he was an asshole and it was over.”

“Clarke, do you think that was a little premature? I mean he messed up but you love him. Do you think you should forgive him? I mean he was plastered.”

“No Rae, his drunken words were his sober thoughts. And I can’t handle anyone talking about my teammate like that.”

Raven smirked at the blonde. “Can’t talk about Lexa like that, huh? Looks like she’s growing on you.”

“Oh shut up Rae. You know how dedicated I am to my team. No matter how bitchy they are.” Clarke couldn’t hide her small smile and gave her best friend a hug. “Can we watch a movie?”

“Of course Clarke.” Raven smiled and pulled the girl closer to her as they started watching She’s the Man for the thousandth time.

 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next morning the girls were awakened by Octavia walking in the door, looking extremely hung-over.

“Hey, O, where’d you go last night? Did you get lucky?” Raven winked at her roommate and Clarke couldn’t help but laughing.

“No, but a guy did take me home. I don’t know his name. I remember being absolutely wasted and after the fight at the party, which I need to hear about, the guy who pulled Finn off of that other guy found me and told me he’d take me back to his place. Then I remember waking up in a bed and I left and came here.” Octavia’s confused face showed her roommates that she was really struggling to remember what happened. "But I know that nothing bad happened, he didn't try to take advantage of me or anything, he just couldn't get our address out of me because I was too drunk." Her roommates looked at each other extremely concerned so she immediately erased the look from her face and looked at Clarke “So what happened with Finn?”

“We broke up.” Clarke tried to take the emotion out of her voice but when her voice cracked on the last word her tears came back.

Raven rushed to put her arm around her and pull her into a hug. “It’ll be ok Clarke. Just take a little bit and maybe go talk to him later.”

Octavia looked between the two girls wide-eyed, knowing she missed a conversation they had. “What happened Clarke? Why did you break up?”

“He talked shit about Triku, and Lexa, and the team.” Clarke got up to grab a tissue and sat back down, “That’s not ok with me.”

Octavia slowly nodded, “I understand Clarke. It’s a bit of a dick move to do that but you’ve been dating for awhile, do you really want to end it over this?”

“That’s enough.” Clarke snapped at her two best friends. “We’re over and that’s it. My decision, not yours.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that day they headed to practice, reluctantly. Indra had called a Saturday practice to get the new players acclimated to the team. The new girls were met with glares and silence as they pulled on their gear.

“So _Princess_ ,” Lexa sneered, “I guess we all got a taste of what the people at Arkadia are really like huh?”

Clarke looked up at the captain for a brief moment before looking back down, pulling on her boot, and walking onto the pitch without a word.

“She broke up with him you know.” Octavia whispered to the brunette.

“What?” Lexa was still confused at Clarke not giving her some snide comment back that she didn’t notice the younger player next to her, much less hear what she said.

“She broke up with her boyfriend. After they left he talked shit about you and the team and she was done with him as soon as that came out of his mouth. She loved him and he’s crazy about her but she didn’t hesitate to break up with him because of this team. Because of you. She may not like you as a person but she respects the hell out of you as a player and captain and she’d do anything for her teammates, no matter what and no matter how little she knows about them. That’s why she was our captain. She cares about the team. Cut her some slack and don’t be a bitch.” Octavia jogged onto the field after Clarke leaving the captain stunned and speechless on the sideline.

Practice continued and Lexa barked out orders to her teammates, pushing them harder and harder until Indra blew her whistle, ending the grueling practice. The new girls slowly walked off the field, Raven and Octavia both with their arms around Clarke.

“How about pizza and a movie night?” Raven suggested to her heartbroken friend, hoping she would take this opportunity to try to forget Finn.

“Okay Rae, I could definitely use that tonight” Clarke broke apart from her friends arms only to feel tears brimming her eyes. Raven and Octavia had continued walking and didn’t notice the blonde had slowed her walk to wipe tears away before they fell.

Lexa watched the blonde speed up and joke with her friends, a newfound respect for her teammate forming within the captain.

“Hey newbies” Clarke, Raven, and Octavia spun around, surprised to see Lexa talking to them. “How about tonight we have a re-do of a welcome party for you?”

Raven and Octavia hesitated, following Clarkes lead. The blonde stepped towards the captain and smirked “Sounds like a plan, I never did get to beat your ass in beer pong.”

“You can try Princess, but you won’t succeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little later than I wanted. I've been super swamped with work. And it looks like it might be a little bit for the next chapter too- I have a busy week ahead of me with not a lot of free time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa hosts a party for the newbies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late- I've had a busy few weeks, I'll try and make it up by posting another chapter by the end of the weekend. I'm not the happiest with this chapter but here it is anyway.

They all met at their apartment to pregame for the second round of partying with their new teammates. “So Clarkey, you and Lexa are friends now?” Raven smirked at her friend before taking a shot of tequila.

“Rae, no. Just no. She’s still a bitch in my eyes. And I don’t agree with most of her decisions as captain. She doesn’t listen to her heart at all. I doubt she even has one sometimes. But I can’t deny that whatever she does as a player is effective. I guess I’m learning to respect her. But I’m not friends with her. I don’t know why she decided to have another party for us.” Clarke looked sad and tired, the emotional toll of the past few days finally hitting her, and hesitantly took a shot.

Octavia spoke up, breaking the silence that followed Clarke’s comment “Well maybe it was because she knew you and Finn broke up…”

“What are you talking about O?” Clarke looked at her friend incredulously. “Why would she know that? Did you tell her something?”

“I told her you two broke up. I’m not going to deny that. She was being a bitch to you and she didn’t have any right to do that. So I told her to stop because you didn’t deserve it. You can be mad at me but I don’t regret anything I said or did.” Octavia snapped but softened her gaze as she saw Clarke’s eyes grow more and more sad. “Clarke, I’m sorry if you didn’t want me spreading that around but you’re hurting. You and Finn were in love. Don’t try and hide your hurt.”

Clarke looked up at Octavia and Raven, noticing their nervous looks. “I’m not trying to hide it. And I’m not happy you told Commander Heartless but I guess I’ll deal. I still do love Finn. I do but he’s an idiot and I can’t deal with that anymore. So let’s just forget about my fuck of an ex and get drunk with our teammates tonight.” Octavia beamed and grabbed the bottle of tequila, pouring three more shots. The three best friends downed their shots and laughed as they continued to get ready for their party.

“Hey Clarke,” Raven slyly looked up at her friend, “now that you and Finn are over does that mean we can finally talk shit about him? Don’t forget he’s my ex too.” Octavia shot her friend a death glare, shocked that Raven would even think about bringing up Finn when the relationship ended less than 24 hours ago.

Clarke met her friend’s eyes and laughed. “Sure Raven. But not tonight. That fuck boy doesn’t deserve to be on my mind tonight. Tonight is reserved for my teammates and getting drunk.”

“Hell yeah! Party girl Griffin is coming out tonight!” Raven beamed as Clarke rolled her eyes but downed another three shots in a row.

 

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When they walked in to Lexa’s apartment they were in awe of how big it was. They stood in the doorway, mouths ajar, taking in the giant apartment. Raven was the first to break the silence. “Holy shit guys, how does she afford this?” Clarke and Octavia just shook their head in disbelief, mouths still open in admiration of their captain’s apartment. While they were admiring the apartment, they failed to notice the brunette watching them enter. Lexa couldn’t help but watch the blonde as she walked into the party. _Fuck she’s hot. Even hotter than when she’s wearing her practice uniform. I can’t be thinking this. She’s my enemy. She’s my teammate. She dated that fuck who disrespected my family and me. Cool it Lexa, you don’t like her, you’re just admiring her gorgeous body because damn those jeans fit her in all the right places and that shirt is showing just the right amount of cleavage._ She forced her eyes from checking the girl out up to those blue eyes before swallowing her nerves and walking over to them.

“Welcome newbies, I hope you’re all ready for a great night” They saw Lexa make her way towards them, drink in hand.

Clarke looked at her captain and smirked. “It’ll be a great night once I beat you in beer pong, _Commander_.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped at the new girl’s confidence “Well Clarke,” Clarke tried to hide her pleasure in hearing Lexa enunciate the K in her name “Looks like we’ll have to get to that game now.”

The whole team gathered around the small beer pong table, split up between grounders and sky crew as Clarke and Lexa stared each other down before shooting for the game. Clarke won first toss of the game and promptly sunk the ball in the first cup. “Yeah Clarke!” Octavia yelled and pumped her fist in the air. Clarke smirked and watched Lexa down the beer in the cup, blue never straying from green while she drank

After lowering her cup, Lexa grabbed the ball and looked at her grounders teammates and gave a sly smile before sinking her own shot into Clarke’s cup. “Looks like we got ourselves a game, Princess.” The game continued, trading shot for shot, both of them making it when the other made it and missing when the other missed.

Finally, when they were each down to a cup Clarke picked up the ball and spoke to her captain “Well commander looks like we’re down to the end. I hate to finish the game now but I’m not nearly drunk enough yet and I want to dance so looks like this will be it.” She lined up the throw and looked at Lexa across the table who was hiding her nerves by running her fingers through her hair. _I’ve never seen the commander like this, so flustered. It’s kinda… hot? No. Not hot. Definitely not hot Clarke._ Clarke refocused and shot the ball. Lexa couldn’t help but grin as it hit the rim and bounced off the table.

Lexa retrieved the ball and hesitated. _Should I miss and keep the game going? It’s been fun so far and I like this competition. But I’m also the commander, I can’t risk getting beaten by the new girl._ She bit her lip and raised her arm, feeling everyones eyes on her. She threw the ball and exhaled quickly as the ball fell into the final cup. She smirked at Clarke, as the blonde reluctantly threw back the contents of the last cup, and held out her arm “Good game Princess. You were almost a worthy opponent for me.”

Clarke’s jaw clenched as she grabbed the green eyed girls forearm. “Next time commander, next time.” She broke off the contact and crossed the room to grab a drink.

Throughout the next few hours the party had only grown bigger and louder. Clarke, Lexa, and the rest of the team were absolutely hammered and having the best time, mostly on the dance floor. Octavia, who was stumbling over everything including her words, was the life of the dance floor and Bellamy went into overprotective brother mode. He grabbed her hand to lead her outside “O, have some water. Let’s get you home.”

“No Bell, I’m having fun with my teammates and I don’t want to leave.” Octavia yanked her hand from his and had to catch herself from falling in the process. She steadied herself by grabbing Raven’s shoulder and turned back to Bellamy. “I can get myself home. I’m in college, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Please just let me do this myself. I don’t want to fight. I just want to have a fun night with my friends. I’ll even stop drinking, just don’t force me to leave.”

Bellamy smiled a little bit and kissed his sisters forehead. “Ok, O. But text me when you get home or tell me where you’re crashing tonight so I know. I’m gonna head out though.”

As soon as he left, Octavia turned around to her teammates, “Time to get the real party started bitches!” She immediately grabbed Raven and Anya and made them keep dancing with her.

Lexa found herself next to Clarke and leaned over to talk to her “Octavia seems...” She paused for a second to decide how to describe the girl currently pulling everyone onto the dance floor, “Energetic to say the least.”

Clarke locked eyes, startled at the brunette talking to her before she relaxed and smiled looking over at the girl on the dance floor. “Yeah, O hasn’t had a great life and she learned to let loose at parties and on the field to take away some of the hurt. She’s a great teammate and a better friend.”

As Clarke and Lexa continued talking, no one noticed the boy with mop hair coming over to them. “What the fuck Clarke? I thought you hated this bitch. Why are you partying with them now?”

Clarke’s face snapped up to meet Finn’s eyes. “Finn, what the hell are you doing here? You’re not a student here and we’re not dating. You weren’t invited.”

“Come on Princess.” Finn was revealing a slur in his words. “We both know you were drunk and that’s why you were upset last night. Let’s just talk it out and go back to what we had. We’re good together.”

_Must have needed a few drinks to get the courage to show up here_ Lexa thought to herself. _He’s got some real nerve showing up here after fighting Gustus_. Before she could speak, Clarke stepped forward, “Finn. We’re through. Now please leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you, babe.” Lexa saw Clarke flinch as he talked to her, growing more and more uncomfortable as he continued talking to her.

“Fine, Finn. Let’s go. I’ll take you home.” Clarke looked utterly upset and defeated. She grabbed her jacket and took the boys hand as she led him out the door. Lexa couldn’t help but be angry at Finn for not being man enough to take no for an answer.

 

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“Finn. Get in the car you asshole.” Clarke was annoyed beyond belief at her ex, internally cursing herself for ever dating him in the first place.

“Are you taking me back to your place?” Finn looked hopeful, which annoyed Clarke even more.

“No, Finn. I’m taking you home. To your apartment. Back at Arkadia.” Clarke rolled her eyes at the boy, “Now get your ass in the car.” This time Finn obliged and crawled into the passengers seat as Clarke started the car. While she was pulling out of the spot, Finn grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. She immediately glared at him but her eyes softened as she saw the heartbreak in his eyes. She couldn’t add on to anything right now. She still loved the boy after all.

Lexa watched Clarke walk with Finn towards her car and frowned at the scene unfolding. _Clarke has had too much to drink tonight to drive. She definitely is not sober enough tonight. I need to do something_. Lexa panicked and walked towards Raven. “Clarked just left with Finn in her car. She isn’t sober enough to drive” She saw her worried glance. As she started walking away she added, “I’m going to go try and catch up with them and maybe get them to stop somewhere.”

Raven looked at the girl walking away. _She may be a bitch on the field but you gotta hand it to her, she looks after her teammates. I gotta go stop my friend from doing something dumb. Where is O? She should be here with us going to help Clarke._ The two of them got to the parking lot in time to see the tail lights of Clarkes car up ahead and they headed towards them. Suddenly, the car takes off, Clarke drifting between lanes and the girls exchange worried looks before picking up the pace.

Clarke started speeding up wanting nothing but to get to Arkadia so she can drop Finn off and be done with him. By this point he’s mostly passed out in the passengers seat, drifting in and out of consciousness trying to talk to her but passing out again before she can respond. She feels a squeeze on her hand and looks down and then over to the boy next to her. “Hey princess, I’m sorry for everything. I love you. I love you so much.” He smiled with his eyes half closed, still extremely drunk. _No way he remembers what he just said. I’m just going to ignore it and deal with him when he sobers up._ Clarke keeps her eyes on him for a few seconds longer. As she passes through an intersection she’s met with headlights that immediately ram into the passengers side door and she lost consciousness as the car spun around before rolling over.

 

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Clarke opened her eyes slowly, her head pounding and her vision a little fuzzy. _Where am I? What is going on?_ She saw broken glass and blood. A lot of blood. Her eyes widened at the sight of the blood and she frantically looked around her. She saw the boy next to her, limply hanging down held up only by his seatbelt. “Finn! Please Finn wake up. Come on, you gotta wake up.”

The mop haired boy slowly opened his eyes and smiled despite his severe pain, “Hi, Princess. I’m gonna go back to sleep now.” His eyes started closing and Clarke knew it wasn’t good.

“No babe, come on. You gotta keep your eyes open. I’m not losing you tonight. I love you Finn.” She was gasping for breath now as tears readily found

 He opened his eyes momentarily and flashed her a toothy grin and said “Thanks Princess” before closing his eyes and going limp. Clarke’s tears fell faster but she succumbed to unconsciousness as her pain overtook her.

Raven and Lexa watched the car run the red light and get T-boned by the other car from a few blocks away. After staring wide-eyed at each other when the car flipped, they sprinted towards the scene. Raven went to Finns side, and Lexa to Clarkes. “NOOOOOO” Lexa heard Raven yell and her voice break as the girl reached Finns door. Lexa got to Clarke and saw Finn in his seat, covered in his own blood clearly not breathing. Lexa tore her eyes from the dead boys body and looked at the blonde in the drivers seat. _Come on Clarke. You have to make it through this. If for no other reason than for the team. We need you._ Lexa opened the drivers door, undid the blondes seatbelt and caught her as she fell towards the ground. She pulled her out and held her in her arms, releasing her breath as she realized Clarke was breathing.

“Raven I need you to call 911 for me. Can you do that?” She was met with total silence, besides Ravens sniffling. “Raven. Please. For Finn and Clarke you need to do this.” She heard the other girl take out her phone and call the emergency service towards their location.

Raven left in an ambulance with Finn and the paramedics with Clarke pulled Lexa in with them. “She’ll want someone there with her and you pulled her out of that wreck. It should be you.” Lexa nodded and watched them close the back door as they drove off.

 

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Clarke’s eyes fluttered open, immediately blinded by the white walls of the room she was in. “What? Where am I? Where’s Finn?” Her voice came out as a whisper and she was met with pain shooting through her body with every word. She hadn’t noticed the brunette girl sititng in the corner.

Lexa stood up and walked towards Clarke. “You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident. Finn didn’t make it”

Clarke’s eyes filled with tears. “It’s my fault isn’t it?” Lexa looked at her and slightly nodded.

 The silence between them grew heavy and awkward. Clarke had stopped crying but she was heartbroken. Lexa knew even though she personally didn’t like Finn, Clarke loved him. You could see it in her and it was even more apparent now that it was gone. Lexa took a deep breath, “I lost someone special to me too. Her name was Costia. Because she was mine they beat her up and killed her.”

Clarke looked up into Lexa’s eyes and saw the pain swirling in them. “I’m sorry.”

Lexa looked down at Clarke “I thought I’d never get over the pain, but I did.”

“How?”

“By recognizing it for what it is. Weakness.”

Clarke looked up at her confused. “What is? Love?” Lexa nodded slightly at the blonde laying there. “So you just stopped caring about everyone? I could never do that.” Clarke shook her head at the thought. She would never be able to not care.

“Then you put the people you care about in danger, and the pain will never go away. The dead are gone, Clarke.” She looked into Clarkes eyes and notice the hurt and pain coming into her eyes and decided she wouldn’t say anything more to the blonde. Not so quickly after she lost Finn. “Rest Clarke. You’ve had a rough night.” _We need you back on the field_ princess She saw Clarke nod and close her eyes as she slipped out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets out of the hospital and faces some consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty short chapter- I didn't want to add it with anything else but there will be a little bit of a time jump after this chapter so it had to stand alone

Two days later Clarke found herself out of the hospital, escorted by police to the local police station. She felt numb the entire ride, only feeling the pain of the handcuffs digging into her wrists. She was tired, worn out from the tears and pain of seeing her friends hate her. Raven was the worst one to see after the accident. Clarke knew that Raven had never truly gotten over Finn and she was to blame for his death. When they arrived at the station she was booked and placed in a cell. She didn’t fight any of it, in fact, she welcomed it. She deserved the punishment after what she did to Finn.

The next morning Clarke was brought in front of a Judge. She found a spot on the ground and stared at it as though it was the most interesting thing to look at in the world. She ignored everything happening around her, just waiting for the moment where she would be told what her sentence was. “-Right Miss Griffin?” Her head shot up from the floor to look at the judge.

“Excuse me, what did you ask?” Clarke felt ashamed she missed the question, making herself look even worse to this intimidating judge.

“I said it looks like you’ve been through a hell of a time the past few years, is that right?” The judge almost looked sad for her and Clarke couldn’t keep the eye contact. She quickly averted her eyes without answering his question. “It looks like you lost your dad in a car accident a little over 2 years ago?” He raised an eyebrow at her waiting to see if she would respond but continued when he saw she had no intention of answering anything. “And one of your friends was murdered 6 months later? Wells?” He saw the girl glance up, pain swirling in her eyes and he found his answer in that moment. Clarke felt the tears brimming in her eyes as the pain of her past was brought up.

_“Clarke I’m not going to leave you this weekend. It sounds like a big weekend and I don’t want to miss it for the world.” Jake looked at his daughter and smiled. “I don’t want to miss your big weekend. I’m so proud of you, Clarke.”_

_“Dad you can’t miss out on your trip. You HAVE to go! You’ve done nothing but talk about this trip for months. Don’t skip it because of me. I’ll have plenty of art exhibitions in the future. You can come to all of those to make it up to me. Go on your trip.” Clarke smiled back at her father knowing how much he wanted go on this trip with his friends. Especially with Thelonious Jaha, one of his best friends. He hadn’t spent time with Thelonious is months and Clarke knew both of them were looking forward to their trip to the lake._

_Jake pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. “Tell your mom I changed my mind and decided to go then. I haven’t told her I would be going and she’s near impossible to reach when she’s on shift. I love you baby, I’ll see you in a week.” Jake broke the hug and headed towards the door._

_“I’ll miss you, dad. Have fun.” Clarke waved as her dad walked to his car, throwing his bags in the trunk. She would miss him this week. Jake was her best friend. They were much closer than most parents were to their children. She secretly hoped he would be there for her art show but she knew he needed this weekend more than anyone. After her dad backed down the driveway she grabbed a blanket and started watching Bend it like Beckham for the millionth time, falling asleep almost immediately after pressing play._

_She awoke to her mom calling her. “Mom?” she was still groggy from her nap. She was met with shuddered breaths and sniffling, “Mom, what’s wrong?”_

_“Clarke.” Her mom was struggling to get her words together. “You need to get to the hospital. It’s your dad.”_

_Clarke felt her heart drop like it fell of a skyscraper. “What happened mom? Is dad ok?”_

_“Clarke just get here as fast as you can. I’ll see you when you get here. I love you.” With that, the phone went dead and Clarke’s mind was off to the races. Something bad had to have happened but she didn’t know how bad it was._

Tears readily fell down Clarkes face as she remembered the day her dad died. She looked up at the judge and swallowed “Excuse me sir but I don’t see why you’re bringing all this up. What does this have to do with anything?” Her voice cracked every few words and she saw his heart break watching her speak.

“Please, call me Judge Nyko. I’m just trying to feel out how much pain you’ve had to go through in the last 2 years. It’s obviously been a lot. I also see that in this same amount of time you started college and then transferred schools? Why did you transfer” Nyko’s voice became a little warmer and more comforting while he spoke and Clarke relied on the comfort to get her breathing under control.

“They cut the girls soccer team at Arkadia. I was on a scholarship there and they said we could transfer to Triku and keep our scholarships and play there or we could forget about soccer.” Clarke quickly wiped her eyes as the tears had passed.

“I see. Well Clarke, you’ve been through a lot of shit the past few years, more than anyone your age should have gone through. But that doesn’t excuse you from drinking and driving. What you did was irresponsible and I think you’ve been able to see what your actions can result in. Tell me, what happened? Why did you decide to drive drunk?”

Clarke took a deep breath, hoping Nyko would continue before she had to talk but spoke when she realized he wouldn’t let his question go unanswered. “Finn and I had just broken up the night before. We got in a huge fight at a party and he called all of my teammates and my new school shitty. He also fought a guy solely because he bumped into me. It wasn’t ok with me so I broke it off. Then he showed up unannounced, uninvited, and completely trashed at a party the next night trying to get me back but still talking shit about the people I was with. I told him to leave and he refused unless I left with him.” Clarke paused, swallowed hard, and continued “We walked outside and I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I thought I was sober enough to get him to his apartment but I obviously wasn’t. He held my hand when I was driving and passed out in the seat. Right before we crashed-“ Clarke felt her voice growing silent. She didn’t want to relive the next moments that happened but Nyko nodded, telling her to keep going. “Right before we crashed he woke up and told me he was sorry and he loved me. I didn’t want to get back together with him but my heart broke a little bit and I was looking over at him when I ran the red light.” Clarke stopped, tears rushing down her face. “It’s all my fault. He should still be here.” Her last few words came out broken and muffled by sobs.

Nyko looked down at the girl who was clearly haunted by many demons. “Clarke, I’m just going to say that you’re lucky you got me as a judge, that this happened in Oklahoma, and that the driver of the other car was uninjured. You’ve been charged with negligent homicide. Oklahoma is one of the kinder states to that charge. Other states you would have gotten 5-10 years as a sentence. Oklahoma has a max of 1 year. Most judges would give you that full year. Many would say that what I’m going to sentence you to is not enough. They would want the murderer, that’s you, to suffer more. But they don’t know that your suffering will be worse. What you did will haunt you until the end of your days.” Clarke was taken aback by the sudden coldness in his voice as he continued. “I’m sentencing you to 30 days in the county jail and a $2,000 fine. It’s clear to me that you’re remorseful and this won’t happen again. But to ensure it won’t happen, when you get out there will be more for you. You will have 2 years of court ordered community service as well as a year of court ordered therapy. It’s clear to me you haven’t tried getting help since your dad and your friend passed so take the time now to do that. Don’t ruin your future because you refuse to deal with the pain. As for driving, it should be no surprise that your license will be suspended for 18 months. You will also have mandatory Breathalyzer checks for the next 18 months. You’re a good person, Clarke. Get back on track.”

Clarke nodded gratefully. “Thank you Judge Nyko. I won’t let you down.”

“I know you won’t Clarke.” Judge Nyko locked eyes with her and gave her a small smile before nodding to the officers to take her away. Clarke gave a small smile back as she was led to her new home for the next 30 days.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets out of jail

A month later Clarke walked outside, blinded by the sun, into the parking lot of the jail. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who was outside. _Finn_. “What- What are you doing here?” Clarke stared straight at the boy with the floppy hair. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa raised an eyebrow to the blonde until she realized the blonde wasn’t looking at her or talking to her. In fact, it didn’t seem like the blonde knew she was there at all.

Clarke’s head snapped over to the girl at the sound of the voice that so clearly didn’t belong to Finn. That’s when she noticed her captain standing just to the right of where Finn stood. “Nothing.” She shook her head trying to convince her and the brunette that everything was ok. “What are you doing here Lexa?”

“I’m here to pick you up and take you back to your apartment.” Lexa said cautiously, knowing Clarke was still struggling with everything she went through the last month. Her face softened at the sight of Clarke darting her eyes from her to the space to the left of her.

“Why you?” Clarke looked questioningly until she saw Lexa’s eyes shoot to the ground, unable to look at anything but the pavement she stood on. “Oh.” Her face fell immediately. _They don’t want to see me. None of my friends want to see me._

“Clarke-“ Lexa started.

“Don’t. I’m fine. Let’s go.” Clarke started walking to the car before Lexa could continue.

The ride back to campus was long, awkward, and silent. Neither Clarke nor Lexa wanted to break the silence but both were uncomfortable with the ride. After 20 minutes Lexa finally gave in. “Clarke, Indra wanted me to tell you she wants to meet with you in her office tomorrow at 3.”

“Why? So she can kick me off the team in person?” Clarke scoffed and turned to look out the window.

“Clarke. Cut the shit. You messed up. But you owe it to your coach to go talk to her. When your team was cut she gave you a second chance to play in college. Stop complaining. You shouldn’t have been playing this season in the first place. Maybe you get cut. Maybe not. But you owe it to her to go talk.” Lexa was fed up with Clarke living up to her princess name.

Clarke rolled her eyes and ignored the rant. “Why you?”

“What?” Lexa was thoroughly confused at the sudden change of topic.

“Why were you the one to pick me up? Obviously my friends hate me but why you? You don’t give a damn about me.” Tears pricked her eyes as she thought about how all her friends left her.

Lexa sighed at the blonde’s obvious pain. “Clarke-” She paused, unsure how to continue. “I do care Clarke. You’re my teammate. I may not have liked you, especially after how you had your team hurt mine last season, but I do care. You care about your teammates and friends. You’re a great leader. You were born for this, Clarke. Same as me.” Lexa stopped. _Why did I just say that? Did I really just admit that I cared about her? Did I really just admit that I thought she was a good leader? God damnit Lexa. Pull yourself together. She’s pretty but she’s mourning. Leave her alone. You don’t need this to happen again. Don’t let yourself get hurt again. Love is weakness, Lexa._ As they reached the parking lot of Clarke’s apartment she parked and closed her eyes, fighting back tears.

Clarke was speechless. She saw Lexa’s face change from genuine care and concern for her to a heart-wrenching sadness. She put her hand on her arm, suppressing the feeling she had gotten when Lexa said her name. “Thanks Lexa. Thank you for picking me up.”

“Don’t thank me. You’re my teammate. It’s part of my duty as your captain.” Lexa’s face was back to stoic and emotionless. Clarke was beyond confused at the sudden coldness she received from her captain. She got out of the car, grabbed her bag, and sighed as she looked up at her apartment. She hesitated for a few seconds before walking up the stairs and through the door.

Clarke was relieved it looked like her roommates were gone for the time being, but she still worried about what would happen when they came back. She grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and sat down on the couch with her head resting in her hands. Her relief was quickly gone as she heard the door open and saw her two roommates walk in.  She took a deep breath and looked up at them trying to find the courage to say something. Raven never gave her the chance to talk and instead walked by mumbling “bitch” said just loud enough for Clarke to hear before slamming the door to her room.

The sound of the door closing set her off. Hot tears poured out of her eyes and Clarke’s face fell to her hands again. After a few moments she felt a hand on her knee. She looked up meeting Octavia’s sad eyes looking back at her. “Hey Clarke, give her time ok?” She patted the blondes knee and gave her a small smile before getting up and walking to her own room. Clarke took a few minutes to compose herself and followed Octavia’s actions and walked into the brunette’s room.

“Hey O, can I uh- talk to you?” Clarke cautiously asked, eyes around the room looking at anything but her roommate.

“Sure, Clarke. Come sit.” Octavia patted the spot next to her on the bed. “What’s up?”

“I just- I mean- Fuck!” Clarke stumbled over her words unsure how to say what she wanted. “I guess I just wanted to know why you’re being so nice to me?” Tears filled her eyes and she fought them back as hard as possible but lost the fight. “I mean I killed Finn. It’s my fault he’s gone. I let down all my friends and my teammates. Hell- I basically screwed my future chances at getting into med school. So why are you being nice? I don’t deserve it. You should hate me if anything.” Octavia quickly threw her arm around Clarke’s shoulders, pulling her roommate closer to her in a much needed hug. Clarke reciprocated the hug and buried her face into Octavia’s shoulders, soaking the girls’ shirt with her tears.

“Clarke listen to me. I’m not going to lie-I’m extremely pissed off at you. You were a fucking idiot for thinking you could drive that night. It could have ended so much worse. Yeah, Finn is gone now and that hurts but you could have killed the other driver or yourself too. I spent the entire past month hating you so much. I hated you for getting behind the wheel, for getting in that accident, for not thinking of anyone but yourself when you drove, and for causing Raven to hurt this much. I was livid. Especially about Raven. But I meant what I said when we came in. Give her some time. I’m sure she’ll come around. You two are best friends. We all are. We’ve all been there for each other through thick and thin. We were there for you when you lost your dad and then Wells. We were there for Raven when she and Finn broke up, after the accident, and through all the shit she went through with her mom. And you two were there for me and Bell when our mom died. I’m pissed at you but I still love you Griff. I know how much you’re hurting too. I know you’re beating yourself up 100 times more than anyone else would. And I’m gonna be there for you when you need me.”

Clarke couldn’t stop her shaking as she cried into her best friends shoulder. “Th-tha-thanks O. I don’t deserve you two. If you aren’t that mad at me then why didn’t you pick me up?” She lifted her head from her shoulder and looked inquisitively at her roommate.

Octavia sighed before giving Clarke her response. “Mostly for Raven. She needs me right now. She wouldn’t have been ok with it and I knew one of our other friends would come get you-“ She stopped as Clarke let out a loud sob and her crying began again. “Clarke, what? Didn’t someone come pick you up?”

Clarke paused to collect herself before she spoke. “Yeah. Someone picked me up. Lexa.” She tried to remain as level headed as possible but knowing that one of her friends was supposed to pick her up caused her voice to crack as she said Lexa’s name.

“Fucking hell! Clarke I’m sorry. I know you don’t like her. I swear she wasn’t supposed to pick you up. I’m gonna fucking kill whoever was supposed to go get you!” Clarke hadn’t seen Octavia this mad at their friends in a long time.

“O. O! It’s fine. I got home and that’s all that matters. Besides, it was a good thing Lexa picked me up. Apparently Indra wants to talk to me tomorrow so it’s probably best that she picked me up so I knew. Anyway, I’m gonna go to bed. It’s my first night back in my real bed so I want to get as much sleep as possible.”

“Alright, goodnight Clarke.”

Clarke gave her friend a quick hug before she got up to leave the room. As she reached the door she paused and looked back. “Hey O? Thanks for talking to me and being there for me. I love you.” With that she slipped out the door before hearing Octavia whisper back “love you too Griff.”

 

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As she walked to Indra’s office she was nervous. More nervous than she had been for her high school state championship game, or either college national title games she played in. She knocked on the door and entered after hearing her coach call her in. “So Clarke. It seems we’ve got ourselves a little situation.” Indra barely looked up from the papers in front of her as she addressed the player.

“Coach, I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“Clarke stop talking. You messed up big time. Do you understand that?” Clarke nodded before looking at the ground waiting for Indra to say that she was kicked off the team. “You brought disgrace to yourself, to me, to your team, and to this university. Your actions were unacceptable. I hope you realize that.” Clarke nodded again tears filling her eyes as she prepared to be kicked off the team. “I want nothing more than to kick your sorry ass off this team. But that’s not happening today.”

Clarke’s head snapped up at the words her coach just said. “What? What are you talking about?”

Indra put away the papers she had been holding before speaking. “I received a call from your judge telling me that I was not to kick you off the team.” She paused before continuing. “at least not yet. However, you are suspended for the rest of the season. You will not be dressing for any games or warming up for any games. You will attend practice and be used when needed as a practice player. You will be more of a team manager this season and you will not be allowed to red shirt because of your actions meaning next season will be your last. At any institution. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Clarke nodded furiously, excited that she was even allowed to remain on the team. “Thank you so much coach. I won’t let you down.”

“I should hope not, Clarke. Because if you let this team down again, whether its legally, with your attitude, or with your grades that will be the final straw and you will be off the team. So make sure you become a model student. Make sure you follow Nyko’s orders. You are dismissed.”

As Clarke left her office she was distracted by the familiar figure she saw in the hallway. “Finn, what are you doing here?” She watched the mop-haired boy just stare blankly at her, taunting her almost. “Finn please. Leave me alone. I can’t handle you being around all the time. Please. Just go away. I’m sorry ok?” Tears started readily falling as Finn just looked back at her.

“Clarke? Are you ok?” Clarke whipped her head up and saw her judge looking back at her.

“Judge Nyko what are you doing here?” She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at the man confused.

“I came to talk to your coach. She said you would be meeting her. I’m going to ask again though. How are you doing?” His eyes seemed soft and like he genuinely cared so Clarke didn’t want to hide from him.

“I don’t know. I’m excited I wasn’t kicked off but I’m confused and hurt. And I keep seeing Finn everywhere. It’s just weighing on me a lot.” Clarke watched as his eyebrows furrowed. _I shouldn’t have said that last part. I shouldn’t have told him about Finn._

“Clarke, you need this team. That’s why I talked to Indra. Use them to cope. But if you break any part of my sentencing I want to be clear that you won’t just be kicked off the team. I will be sending you back to jail. And it will be for longer than a year.” Clarke swallowed and nodded in understanding. “I also want to remind you that you have court ordered therapy. Have you set up your first appointment?”

“Yes, sir. It’s in a few days. I’m going to start out at twice a week and then we’ll see from there.”

“Good, Clarke. Use it to your advantage. Get the help.” She nodded as he said “See you later, Clarke. Good luck with everything.” And with that he disappeared into her coaches office.

Clarke paused before smiling to herself and continuing out of the building and towards her apartment. This season was done but maybe she did have something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before another time jump. It'll pick up and explain the events that have happened in the time since the time jump.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9 month time jump

Clarke found herself back on campus, lacing up her cleats looking around at the empty field surrounding her. _Well I had to go back sometime right?_ She walked onto the field and started going through some short drills, getting a feel for the ball and the field again. _Has it really been 9 months since I was on the field? Based on how I’m playing it definitely has._ After 30 minutes she heard noise coming from the other side of the field. When she looked up she saw Lexa making her way towards her, clapping slowly. “Welcome back Princess. I can tell you haven’t even looked at a ball or field since our last practice last year. Hopefully you can get some of what semblance of skill you had back.”

“Why are you here? Practice hasn’t started yet. Obviously you don’t need to work on shaking off the rust like I do. So why are you here?” She tried to be as cordial as possible but she couldn’t help the bite that came with the words she said.

“Well, Princess, unlike my teammates I actually care about how this season goes. I wasn’t happy with how last season turned out and I know we can do better. And doing better starts with me. I’m the captain and I need to be better if my team is going to get better.” Lexa looked at the ball at Clarke’s feet before continuing. “So _teammate_ , want to run through some drills? Lord knows you could use the help. And don’t expect me to take it easy on you, if you hadn’t had made your mistakes and would have been on the field, maybe we could have been champs.”

Clarke couldn’t bite her tongue anymore after that slight jab at her past. “Fuck you Lexa. You don’t think that the past 10 months have been killing me? You don’t think that I know I messed up? You have no fucking clue how hard it was to sit on the sidelines watching you guys knowing I should have been out there helping my teammates. You have no clue how hard it was knowing I let down my entire team. You have no clue how hard it was to lose someone I love and have it be my fault and then in return lose my friends during one of the hardest times in my life. Including one of my best friends who just so happens to be my teammate. So don’t give me that shit. I know I fucked up. But I’m on this field and none of our other teammates are. I’m trying Lexa.” Clarke bit her lip in an effort to hold back tears as she looked at Lexa. After a moments’ hesitation she saw Lexa open her mouth and close it a few times, in an effort to say something back to the blonde. Before she could get anything out, Clarke promptly turned her back to her captain and began to leave the field and go home.

“Clarke, wait.” She paused as she heard Lexa’s voice crack while calling her name. When she turned around and looked at the captain she was met with green eyes looking at her with nothing but care and compassion. _Well this is new. Why does she have to look so good when she actually shows that she cares. I guess she really looks good all the time if I’m being honest. God Damnit Clarke get it together._

“What do you want Lexa?” Her tone was a bit harsh but she didn’t want to deal with this again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that I was mad at you for what happened. I mean I was at the time because you weren’t going to be playing with us the rest of the season and I was disappointed but I’m not mad at you. I meant what I said as a compliment because I have no doubt in my mind that with your skill added to our team that we would have been champions. I’m here for you. I know I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I told you I lost someone I loved too. I know that pain. And as far as Raven goes, at least it looks like you’re talking. And you two are roommates again right?” Clarke nodded as she thought about everything that had happened in the past 9 months.

After Finn’s death Raven wouldn’t talk to her, look at her, or be in the same room as her for 3 months. Finally, after that time, she could be in the same room but not without ignoring her existence or making comments under her breath intentionally loud enough for Clarke to hear. Somehow Octavia was able to convince Raven to sign with both of them again before she was even ok talking to Clarke. It was like she knew that Raven would eventually forgive her but it wasn’t an easy road. And Clarke still wasn’t sure Raven actually forgave her but she didn’t care. It took 7 months but Raven was finally talking to her again and that was one of the greatest things she could ask for. At the end of the semester the prior year, they sat down and talked it all out. Raven talked about how upset she was and how mad she was and Clarke talked about how hurt she was. They both admitted they missed each other and the night ended with tear soaked shirts being exchanged for laughs and a few hours of Netflix and wine. Clarke closed her eyes and smiled at the memory, forgetting where she was.

“Clarke you still there?” She opened her eyes and saw Lexa smiling back at her. “It’ll be ok Clarke. You have your teammates, don’t forget that. Now let’s get to drills. We’re already behind schedule if I’m really expected to whip your ass back in shape.” She smirked as Clarke laughed and jogged back onto the field. They spent the next 2 hours going through drills, laughing every once in a while. It was during this time Clarke decided she loved Lexa’s laugh and smile. As they parted she surprised the captain by pulling her into a hug before walking back to her apartment.

Lexa walked away from the field with a smile on her face and the memory of Clarkes arms around her neck. She originally didn’t know how to respond to the blonde throwing her arms around her but after her initial tensing, she returned the embrace, sliding her arms around Clarke’s waist and hiding her grin throughout the entire embrace. When they parted she couldn’t help but watch the blonde leave, smiling to herself. _Fuck, I’m in deep. Get it together Lexa. Love is weakness._ She shook her head, effectively removing the smile from her face as she pulled her hood over her head and walked back to her own apartment on the other side of campus.

 

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            During Clarke’s first official practice back, a week later, she got a real taste of the hell she had been missing for the last 9 months. She was bent over, hands on her knees, panting heavier than normal. “Griffin!” Lexa’s voice rang out over everything going on on the field. “Get back out there and start playing again!” She rolled her eyes before jogging back to the front of the attackers line to go 1 v 1 on the defense.

If the team thought Lexa was harsh the prior year, they were shown a new side of the commander. A side where she was a ruthless leader for all of them. They were spending their final week before classes started having three-a-days. Morning lifting sessions, followed by a mid-day practice, and then ending their day with an evening practice. As they ended their grueling first day back, Lexa brought them together at mid field. “Alright everyone, it’s clear we have a long way to go if we want to beat the Mountain Men and all other opponents we may face this season. I’m happy with everyone’s efforts this first day. Rest up and we’ll be back at it tomorrow morning.”

            As the team broke their huddle Indra stepped forward. “Friday we will be canceling the evening practice as we will be participating in a team bonding opportunity. This will take all weekend so if you have anything to get done before your semester starts I’m telling you now it needs to be done before we leave on Friday. That is all.”

            Octavia looked at Raven and Clarke before whispering “What do you think we’ll be doing? What kind of team bonding will take all weekend?”

            Raven and Clarke just shrugged their shoulders before Clarke offered up “Maybe we’ll be going camping. That would take all weekend.”

            “Oh HELL NO. I am not about to spend my last weekend camping.” Raven looked disgusted at the thought of being in nature for the weekend. “I mean I love being outside and all but I was really looking forward to some last minute parties before hell starts.”

            “It’s ok Rae, we’ll have plenty of time to party this year.” Octavia put her arm around the brunettes shoulder to reassure her.

            Clarke shook her head at both of her roommates, “We have to make it out of the season to ensure ‘plenty’ of time. The commander is going all out right now. I’m not sure any of us will survive this wrath.” With that, the three roommates headed off the field to the locker room before they went home for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update- my grandma died and I've basically lost all desire to write anything right now. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter and it's really short but I figured you guys deserved something since it's been so long. Hopefully soon I'll get back that desire to write and be a little quicker on the updates.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Bonding part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't abandoned this! It's been really hectic with school starting (13 hours of class two of the days a week is hell on top of work, homework, etc.) but updates may be really slow for awhile. Partially from school and partially because I'm still trying to get my inspiration to write back (grandma's death hit me really hard). So sorry for the short chapter but I figured you guys deserved something

When Friday came, the whole team was buzzing trying to figure out what exactly they would be doing for bonding time. Indra had called them to the field at 7 am to board a bus to God knows where. As they gathered around, duffels placed in front of them, a quiet chatter began wondering what they were going to be doing, where they would be going, and if it really would take all weekend. “I still say if we’re camping we boycott. Indra can’t make us do that.” Octavia rolled her eyes at Raven’s complaint

            “Rae, we may or may not be going camping. But Indra is our coach. She can definitely make us do whatever she wants. If you wanna play I suggest you be quiet and just wait for her to tell us what her plans are for the weekend.”

            As Octavia finished Indra walked up and ushered them onto the school bus parked next to the field. “Alright ladies, listen up. Before you get on the bus and sit next to your best friends I want to fill you in on our team bonding. We will be outdoors this weekend.” Raven quietly scoffed gave her best I-told-you-so look to Clarke and Octavia as they just rolled their eyes in response. “That being said, we will be doing a ropes course of sorts with different check points where you can sleep. These check points will be miles apart so you should only reach them once it gets close to nightfall. You will leave your bags on the bus and they will be transported to the checkpoints for you to have there. Once you leave the checkpoint the next day, your bag will be brought to the next one and then finally back to the bus. This course is a partner course so you will be doing the whole thing with a partner who you will bond with. While this isn’t technically a “race” per say, there will be a reward for the team that finishes first and a consequence for the last team. There will be extreme consequences for teams who do not work together or do not finish together as this is mostly about team bonding. This partner will be the same girl you will room with during the away games and you will hopefully bond with them throughout the season and beyond. That being said, here are the partners; Anya and Raven. Octavia and Niylah, Lexa and Clarke, Harper and …” Clarke was too stunned to listen to the rest of the pairings. _Lexa? Commander bitchy is my partner for this? This can’t be real._ She shook her head to get out of her thoughts and looked up, meeting Raven and Octavia’s sympathetic glances.

            “Well Clarke, looks like we’re stuck together for the next few days.” Lexa strode over to her, looking much less upset than Clarke figured she would.

            “Yeah, let’s get going. Everyone else has started and I don’t want to be stuck out here at night.” Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes as Lexa motioned for her to lead the way and stalked off into the forest.

            The ropes course was much more spread out and taxing than Clarke was prepared for. The first few tasks were easy as they were more individual based tasks; a set of 5 swinging tires they had to cross followed by the spiders’ web, which they had to pass through without touching the rope. But as they moved on to the swinging log, a log that they had to cross together as it spun, they began to struggle. “Lexa! What are you doing?” Clarke was losing her cool as they fell of the log for the 4th straight time. “Are you trying to make us fall? Stop messing around.”

            Lexa snapped her head back at Clarke. “No, Princess, I’m obviously not trying to make us fall. I don’t want to get last. I’m the fucking captain of this team. I can’t get last. It would be embarrassing.”

            “What’s embarrassing is you trying to do this- GOD DAMNIT LEXA” Clarke fell again as Lexa spun the log a little too much on her last step. _I’m so sick of this shit. I need to do something to get us through this._

            “Clarke what the fuck are you doing- umph!” Lexa was literally swept off her feet as Clarke picked her up bridal style and maneuvered her way across the log before promptly dropping her on the other side and moving towards the next task.

            “I’m just trying to get us past that one because obviously you couldn’t do it. I mean for a college soccer player who’s trying to go pro, you’re really bad at balancing. How do people not just knock you over on the field? How are you expecting to make it pro if you can’t even walk across a stupid log without failing? How are you going to make it if you can’t do a simple task with one person, much less a team?” Clarke huffed back at her before stalking off down the trail.

Lexa stood in shock for a moment at the blonde’s anger before jogging towards her and grabbing her arm, twisting her around, coming face to face with each other. “I couldn’t do it because you were spinning the log the wrong way too! You were throwing me off. And I never said you could just pick me up. Who the hell does that? Also, you’re one to talk. For a college soccer player trying to go pro you really don’t work well with people. You say you’re a leader but you don’t do what’s best for people. You follow your heart and you lead people down the wrong path. I don’t get how you don’t see that you can’t be a real leader if you don’t put your people’s needs above your own desires. You con yourself into thinking you’re doing what’s best for them but you’re not. You’re only thinking of yourself. Stop being so selfish. Maybe if you thought more with your head people wouldn’t be missing from your life. Like Finn.” As soon as his name left her mouth Lexa heard a loud smack and felt pain radiating across her face. “What the fuck Clarke?”

“Don’t you EVER say anything like that to me again. I couldn’t care less if you tell me you think I’m a bad leader but don’t you dare bring Finn into this. You had no right. And what kind of leader are you if you just try to bring your people down instead of building them up? That’s not leadership.” Clarke was fuming and breathing harder and harder as she tried to control her anger and hold back the tears. Lexa’s hand, which had flown to her face after the slap, was suddenly on Clarke’s wrist. Clarke glared down at the hand on her before looking at her captain, shocked at seeing hurt and pain. “What? Why are you upset? Mad that I slapped you? Because you kind of deserved it for being a bitch.”

“Clarke. Just stop talking for a second. Let me speak” Lexa sighed, exasperated by everything that happened in the last few minutes, gathering her thoughts before speaking again. “I’m sorry. I was upset by what you said. Even though your reasoning for me not making it pro was shit, I still have my doubts about making it. You brought up those doubts and it made me mad. I shouldn’t have snapped. I shouldn’t have brought Fi-- Him into it.” Lexa fumbled as she saw Clarke’s eyes shoot up to her when she began to say Finn’s name. “Now I don’t know about you but we still have a few more obstacles before we can get to sleep and it looks like we only have an hour or so of sunlight so if it’s ok with you I think we should get going and finish these obstacles so we can rest.”

Clarke looked up at the girl before responding, “Sounds perfect.” As they both started walking towards the final few obstacles of the day, Clarke hesitated. Lexa looked back at her, raising an eyebrow to ask what she was thinking. “Lexa, thank you. You didn’t have to apologize, especially since I know I started it. For the record though, you’ll make it pro. And you’ll do well. And I just want to remind you that this doesn’t mean I like you. I just want to get through this weekend.”

“I wouldn’t think for a second you meant anything but hate with those words. I’ll make sure I thank you for pissing me off every day of the season when I beat you out for rookie of the year next year.” Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes at the thought of Lexa beating her out. “Now let’s go Princess. It’s getting dark.” Lexa smirked and waved her partner to catch up and get a move on.

Clarke met the green eyed girls gaze and smiled as she jogged to catch up. _I feel the tide turning. Maybe we can be friends_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa continue the obstacle course. Tides are turning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I should throw out an update! Still dealing with a lot of personal things, and school this semester was absolute hell with like no free time for me. This upcoming semester isn't looking much better but I'll try and get as many updates as I can get done. It may just be an update as I can situation though.

Clarke awoke to the green eyed brunette staring expectantly at her. _What the..._ “What time is it?” Clarke finally rasped out to her partner. “Why didn’t you actually wake me up instead of just staring at me?”

“It’s a little after 7:30. Most groups are gone, the ones that aren’t are already outside ready to leave. I was hoping we could get going before 8 so we could get done earlier seeing as the last checkpoint isn’t for 17 miles. And I was planning on waking you up when you opened your eyes.” Lexa felt her face get a little hot as she blushed slightly, embarrassed at the amount of time she had probably been staring at the blonde. “I wasn’t just watching you sleep.”

“Give me 15 minutes and I’ll be ready to go. I overheard Indra talking about how these obstacles will be a little harder so I definitely want to head out too.” Clarke rolled out of the bed and slowly padded her way to the communal bathroom. Lexa sat lost in thoughts about the day, the upcoming season, and her pending soccer career causing her to become oblivious of Clarke re-entering the room until she squatted in front of her. “Ready to go Lex?”

Lexa’s head shot up at the nickname, eyes wide and full of fear, as her breathing became quicker and quicker. “Y-y-y-yes Cl-Clarke” was all she could get out before she was panting, eyes squeezed shut in pain as her chest felt tighter and tighter. After only a few seconds, Lexa was gasping for air and tears were falling, one by one, out of the corners of her clenched eyes.

Clarke immediately moved to sit next to her, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she tried to help her. “Come on Lexa, breathe. Take it slow. In and out. Just breathe and listen to my voice ok?” As Lexa’s breathing refused to calm down Clarke became desperate. _Come on Clarke. She’s having a panic attack. You won’t ever be a freaking doctor if you can’t help a simple panic attack. THINK CLARKE!_ Immediately she went back down to kneel in front of the brunette, cupping her hands around her face. Lexa’s eyes remained clenched shut, her hands balled into fists as beads of sweat formed on her forehead. “Lexa, look at me. Can you open those pretty eyes for me?” As she spoke to her, she stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, “Please Lexa, you have to open your eyes for me ok?” After a few seconds, green met blue; and blue eyes broke a little seeing the fear and pain in the green. “Alright that’s good Lexa, keep them open for me. Can you do that?” Lexa nodded, eyes never leaving Clarke’s as she continued to wheeze. “Ok now I want you to name five things you can see in this room.”

Green eyes left blue for the first time as Lexa glanced around the room. Clarke kept her hands cupping her face as she kept her thumbs moving against her cheeks. “I-I-I see umm, I see the bed you slept in. I see you in front of me. I see everyone’s bags near beds. I see the light from outside coming in the windows. I see the tree outside the window moving in the wind.” Lexa slowly got more comfortable as she spoke, still gasping for air after each sentence.

“Ok that’s great Lexa, can you name four things you can touch or feel?” Clarke gave a soft smile as Lexa nodded her head slightly.

“I can feel your thumbs on my cheek. I can feel my fingernails digging into my palm. I can feel my shirt moving around my neck while I breathe hard.” Lexa gained some courage and unclenched her right hand before slowly bringing it up to Clarke’s face, touching the corner of her mouth gently. Clarke couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at seeing Lexa getting a little more under control. “I can feel your mouth smiling under my hand.”

“Great job Lexa. Keep breathing and now name three things you can hear.” Clarke kept smiling as she noticed Lexa’s breathing almost entirely back to normal.

“I can hear your voice telling me what to do. I can hear the bugs outside the cabin. I can hear the tree branch hitting the window outside.” Lexa could feel herself slowly regaining control of her body, her hand still touching Clarke’s face.

“Ok perfect. Now tell me two things you can smell.” Clarke continued to coax her through the procedure she had been taught to use when dealing with panic attacks.

“I can smell the fresh air coming in from outside. I can smell” Lexa’s nose scrunched up in disgust before she smiled a little and continued, “I can smell us. We smell Clarke.” After finishing her statement Clarke couldn’t keep in her laughter. Her head was thrown back as she let out a full-on belly laugh. Lexa’s smile grew at the sound of her laugh and all panic was gone. _I would do anything to hear that laugh again_. At the thought, Lexa went wide-eyed before quickly retracting her hand that was still against Clarke’s face.

“Ok, Ms. Comedian, final one. Tell me one thing you can taste.” Clarke, still chuckling, shook her head before looking expectantly at the girl in front of her.

“I can taste the salt from my sweat and tears.” Lexa looked down, realization of the panic attack that overtook her set in along with shame. _Great, I just gave Clarke so much more ammo to make fun of me. Why Lexa, why?_

Clarke noticed the brunettes discomfort and quickly removed her hands from her face before standing and clearing her throat. “Good job Lexa. Are you feeling good enough to go on with the obstacle course? If not, we can talk to Indra and I’m sure she would let us skip today’s and go straight to the check point.”

Lexa scoffed at the blonde, “We are NOT giving up, princess.” Before getting up and walking out the door, panic attack pushed down to the depths of her memory.

 

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They made it through the first few obstacles at an alarming pace. Neither one wanting to mention or re-live the morning, something Lexa was eternally grateful for. Instead, they worked through the course in silence, only speaking when it was advice on how to get the other past a specific obstacle.

As they reached the last obstacle, the wall, Lexa looked over at Clarke. “Alright, this is the last obstacle we have to do and then we have roughly a three-mile trek to the cabin. What are you thinking on this one?”

Clarke paused and looked up and down the wall to size it up before turning back to Lexa. “Well it looks to be about 10 feet tall. Too tall for us to run and jump up ourselves. I’m thinking I lift you up and then when you’re at the top you help pull me up when I run and jump? Do you think that’ll work?”

Lexa looked back at the wall, trying to picture if Clarke’s idea would be a feasible option for this obstacle. After a slight nod of her head they both headed over to the wall and Clarke readied herself to lift Lexa. The brunette put her left foot in the blonde’s hands, looked at her, nodded, and jumped until she felt the wall end. She grabbed the top as tight as she could and pulled herself to the top. “You ready princess?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, backing up before she ran to the wall. “Shut up, _commander_ , I should be asking you that, you better not drop me.” With her last words, she ran towards the wall, jumping as high as she could before grabbing Lexa’s hand.

As Lexa pulled Clarke up she felt her balance getting thrown off. “Clarke! Hurry and grab the wall so I can let go. I’m slipping!” As soon as she finished that statement she felt herself falling backwards. Clarke was quickly forgotten and her hand was let go as Lexa fell ten feet to the ground. “Ah fuck that hurt!” The realization of her letting go of Clarke’s hand hit her and she looked up frantically, hoping the blonde had been high enough that she could grab the wall. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw eight fingers grasping the wall. _Thank God, that could have been bad if both of us got hurt. Fuck I hurt_. Lexa watched helplessly as Clarke slowly pulled herself up to the top of the wall. The blonde’s eyes were angry as she pulled herself to the top. _Of course, she’s angry you idiot, you dropped her hand, leaving her to fall_. However, when blue met green and Clarke saw Lexa lying on the ground, her eyes only showed fear and worry.

She quickly flipped over the wall, sliding down gracefully before rushing to Lexa’s side. “Lexa are you ok? What hurts? Can you walk? Do I need to carry you? Fuck, I don’t think I could carry you for three miles. Do I need to go finish the course and grab Indra and the others to come carry you?”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the blondes rambling. “Clarke, I’m ok. I think I sprained my ankle on the landing and then fell on my shoulder pretty hard but I’m ok. We just have the walk left so let’s go finish it.”

Clarke helped her up before they started to walk. Lexa too her first step on her right ankle and promptly collapsed again. “Ah shit. Maybe I can’t walk too well.” Lexa’s face wore a pained expression that didn’t look like it would be going away.

“Ok Lexa, Dr. Griffin to the rescue. Let me look at that ankle since right now that’s looking to be a bigger problem than the shoulder. Although, based on just looking at your shoulder, I think it’s dislocated. Let me fix you a very rough sling to keep it from sliding out further and to keep you from trying to move it too much.” Lexa’s eyes widened as Clarke took off her shirt before putting her jacket back on over her torso. She then watched as Clarke put the shirt over her head and then maneuvered her arm carefully into the shirt so it was fastened tightly.

Lexa stuttered a little bit, still reeling at Clarke taking off her shirt. “D-Dr. Griffin? I mean I know you probably don’t think I’m the smartest person in the world but last time I checked, you had to go to medical school to be a doctor and you sure as hell haven’t done that yet.” Lexa finished with a smile to let the blonde know she was joking before she lifted her ankle towards the other girl, grimacing during the action.

As Clarke probed the wound, noticing that Lexa flinched or groaned with every touch, she continued the conversation. “I may not legally be a doctor yet but I will be. Med school is the plan after college so once I sell my life away to medical school I will be. For now, you’re going to have to deal with my knowledge I have from my mother who is in fact, a surgeon. And it looks like you have a pretty badly sprained ankle. The weight instability makes me think grade 3 but it’s more likely, and I’m hoping for your sake and our teams’ sake, that it’s only a grade 2 sprain. But it looks like you won’t be moving too much for the next few days either way.”

Lexa rolled her eyes as she listened to the future doctor talk before looking at the blonde with pleading eyes. “What does that mean? Don’t lie to me princess.”

Clarke pauses before responding. “Well, a grade 3 sprain is the worst kind. Most of the time they mean surgery and months of rehab. Which means you’d probably be out for the season. If you’re lucky you could come back for playoffs. But that’s only if everything goes perfectly.” As she saw green eyes look completely break with the news she added, “But I only said that because of you not being able to walk on it, which most people can’t do right after spraining their ankle. It’s probably just a grade 2 sprain which is still probably a month or so not playing but if you rest enough you might be able to make it back a little faster. I promise you Lexa, you’ll play this season. Now let’s try to get back before it gets too dark. It looks like the sun is starting to set now so we should try and help you get some ice and medical attention ok?”

Green eyes shined with unshed tears but Lexa nodded before throwing her good arm around Clarke’s shoulder, ignoring the warmth she felt, and testing her weight while walking.

 

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After a little over a mile and a half Lexa couldn’t take it anymore. “Clarke” she barely got her name out through the pain. “I need to take a break. I can’t go anymore.”

Clarke hurriedly brought them to a grassy area by the trail to sit and rest. “I know the ankle isn’t great but how’s the shoulder?”

“Hurts.”

“Like I said before, I think you dislocated it but I’ve only seen my mom pop shoulders back in, she hasn’t taught me. And if I wanted to possibly make it worse I’d try it out but I think we need you a little too much to risk your health. Plus, I don’t need you hating me anymore than you do.”

Lexa snapped up at the last comment. “I don’t hate you Clarke. I’ll admit I wasn’t a fan when you first transferred. But that was before I knew you. I don’t hate you.” Clarke smiled her small, shy, smile that Lexa couldn’t help but return but didn’t’ say anything further. _I think I might actually like you. But you’re my teammate and love is weakness. Not just love, liking is weakness too._  After 10 minutes of silence Lexa finally broke out of her head. “It was the nickname.”

Clarke looked at her confused. “What are you talking about?”

“The panic attack. It happened because of the nickname. You called me 'Lex'. No one has called me that in years. Costia was the only one who would ever call me that. It threw me off hearing it from someone that wasn’t her. I’m sorry I put you in that situation.”

Clarke’s face dropped in realization. “Lexa, don’t be sorry for your reaction. I’m sorry for calling you that. It won’t happen again.”

“Clarke, I didn’t say that. Honestly, I should probably get used to the fact that people may want to call me that and I need to not have a panic attack every time it happens. Besides, I think I panicked more because I didn’t mind you calling me ‘Lex’ and that’s the first time I’ve felt that since Cos.” _Shit did I really just say that out loud? Based on Clarke’s reaction I definitely did. I think I’m gonna go die now._

Clarke blushed a little at the statement, deciding whether she should comment on it or not. _So not only does she not hate me but she likes me calling her the name that her dead ex-girlfriend called her? I’m both flattered and a little scared how much I felt hearing her say that._ “Well, _Lex_ , I’ll just have to get you used to the name again wont I?” Lexa looked extremely confused. _Did she just flirt with me? What is happening right now?_ Clarke cleared her throat, providing a short relief of the tension. “So Woods, you know I’m going to be a doctor, what about you? Just banking on that soccer career? Or do you actually have a major lined up that you’ll be able to use?”

“Well yes, I am planning on just using my soccer career but I figure I should plan for injuries and after my career is over. Which is why I’m a philosophy major with minors in criminal justice and political science. Oh, and I’m hoping to fit in a history minor but I may come up a class short so it may just be a history emphasis.”

“What the hell Lexa? What are you planning on doing with that?” Clarke’s mouth had dropped open at the brunette’s laundry list of majors and minors, impressive for a student athlete and even more impressive of one at Lexa’s caliber.

“Law school.” Lexa replied with an eye roll like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “If soccer doesn’t work out, I’m going to become a lawyer. Ideally I’ll work my way up and if I hit a time where I can take a break I’ll do law school then and go back after. But it’ll most likely happen after I retire. That’s the goal. But what about you blondie? You could easily make it pro.”

“Don’t give me your bullshit Lex. You’re obviously going to be pro, and a star in your rookie year. I think we both know you’ll be the top draft pick this year. I know I keep talking about beating you out but I know my skill level. I’m good, but I’m not pro level worthy. I’m hopeful but realistic. I know I need to be planning for med school and not for a pro soccer career. Because that’s just a lot more realistic for me.”

“Clarke, I’m not going to say this again. You’ll make it pro. Hell, you’ll probably even be a first-round draft pick. I’m not saying you should forget about med school but just do what I’m doing. Follow your love of soccer for as long as you can and then turn to your dream of being a doctor. It’s not that you need to give one or the other up, you just need to figure out how you can have both. And you can have both, Clarke. You’re an amazing player. You’d probably be MVP on any college team, except ours because I think I got that wrapped up.” Lexa smirked before remembering the injury she just suffered and her smirk instantaneously disappeared. “Well, if I touch the field this year that is. This might keep me from getting drafted.” She muttered under her breath, hoping the blonde didn’t hear her.

“Lexa, I promise you you’ll be on the field this year. You’ll just have to miss the first few games to rest. But you’ll be back for conference play and maybe even a few nonconference games. If anyone can do it, it’s you. Now enough of this break, let’s get to the cabin. I want to sleep in a crappy bed, not on the ground.” With that, the blonde smiled and helped the other girl up before putting her arm around her and helping her walk the last mile and a half.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team returns. Clarke gets emotional. Lexa heals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a filler chapter because I felt like I should get something out. Hopefully I start writing more but this semester is pretty much hell for me (I had the time to write these 2000 words in about a two week span so that's how this semester is going). Not super stoked about this chapter but it is what it is. It'll get the ball rolling for me. Things will be happening *hopefully* soon (meaning I get time to write)

As the team returned to campus Clarke and Lexa were the last ones off the bus. Clarke helped the brunette off, receiving a smile in return before hearing Raven yell at her. “Hey blondie, you coming back to our apartment to celebrate surviving our weekend in the woods? All the guys are going to come over and join.”

“Yeah Rae I’ll be there. Tell Bell to save me a drink and a seat next to him.” Lexa’s smile dropped at the mention of Bellamy’s name.

“Save you a seat? Aren’t you coming with us?” Octavia piped up from her car where Raven was already sitting shotgun. She looked confused as Clarke loaded her bags into the trunk and started to walk away.

“Nah, I gotta take commander here to the hospital to get checked out. I’ll be home afterwards though. I’ll expect a drink when I get there.” Clarke smiled and waved at both of them before walking back to Lexa, putting Lexa’s arm around her shoulders before helping her over to her car. “You ready Lex? Let’s go get you checked out so you can get back on the field with us sooner.”

“Clarke, you really don’t have to drive me. I’ll make it there.” Lexa paused outside the passenger’s seat of her car, contemplating how she was going to get herself to the hospital. _I can do this myself. But I can’t drive. But I also don’t want Clarke to drive me because then I’ll “owe her” as she’ll probably say. But I also feel like we’ve kind of grown closer since this weekend. I mean I basically told her I liked her. Fuck, why did I do that? What the fuck am I supposed to do about getting to the hospital? Maybe I can walk/hobble over. Yeah, I’ll do that_.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the sight of the brunette conflicted about what she should do. “Come on you stubborn girl, I’m driving you because you obviously can’t. Also, this is kind of my fault and since I’m not a ‘real’ doctor as you so kindly pointed out, it only makes sense that I take you to a real one.” With that, Clarke opened the passenger’s door for the brunette to get in, still grumbling about being able to take herself.

As they parked in the closest spot to the ER entrance as possible, Clarke threw the car in park and paused as Lexa put her hand onto her shoulder. “Why?” Clarke looked into her eyes seeing the vulnerability and arched her eyebrows in return, questioning what she was talking about. “Why did you help me? You don’t like me. So why not just leave me back in the woods so you could finish and get out. Why save me?”

Clarke scoffed at the questions coming out of Lexa’s mouth before realizing the girl was serious. “Lex, listen to me. Have I always been the biggest fan of you? No. Do I respect you as a player, teammate and captain? Of course. Do you want to know why I ‘saved’ you? Because I need you.” Lexa’s lips quirked into a small smile that Clarke swore was her new favorite thing. “You’re my teammate and captain. You’re the best player I’ve ever played with. I know our team needs you. And I need you because you help keep our team together. Ok? Now let’s go get you fixed so you can get back on the field.” With that, she moved over to the passenger’s side of the car and helped Lexa out and into the waiting room. The entire way, Clarke cursed herself in her head. _I need you? Just let me make even more of a fool of myself. I can’t believe I basically just admitted to having feelings for this girl. I mean I do but that’s irrelevant right now. It doesn’t matter how good she looks all the time- which is damn good. God Clarke, embarrass yourself more why don’t you_.

After a 30-minute wait, her name was called by a young nurse who helped Lexa into a wheelchair. “Miss, we’ll take good care of your friend. I’ll let you know when she’s done and give you a five-minute warning before she comes back out.” Clarkes eyes dropped to the floor in disappointment but she nodded her head.

“No! She’s coming back there with me!” Lexa started getting out of her wheelchair as she continued, ignoring the nurse’s protests. “She stays with me or I don’t go back there. Ok?”

The nurse looked at Clarke, who was trying to hide a smile, and nodded her approval. “You can join her if she gets back in the wheelchair and listens to the nurses and doctors from here on out.” Clarke beamed back at the nurse before getting up to walk back into one of the rooms.

After the nurse took Lexa’s vitals, they were left alone while they waited for a doctor. As

soon as the door closed, Clarke turned to the brunette with a smile on her face. A smile that immediately dropped when she saw how scared the other girl was. Clarke scooted closer in her chair and took her hand, rubbing her thumb back and forth. “Hey, Lex. It’ll be ok. You’ll play soccer this season. I promise. I know you. You’re a stubborn asshole who won’t take no for an answer. So, trust me when I say you’ll be back on that field in no time.”

Before Lexa could say anything in response the doctor walked in to check her ankle. After 15 minutes and countless grimaces and whimpers from pain later the torture finally stopped. “Well miss Woods, let’s get some X-rays done before we say anything further. That sound good?”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Hey blondie!”

"Hey O, is my drink ready?”

“Bell has it at his seat, but first, how’s the Commander?”

Clarke took a deep breath before continuing. “Well, it looks like my initial diagnosis was right grade 2 sprain so she’s got a few weeks to a month off before she can start playing again. Her shoulder wasn’t in the best shape but the doctor there told me that my sling was a good idea and probably helped her a lot. So that’s great. Lexa obviously isn’t too happy right now, pretty sure she was grumpier than Rae is when she’s hungry.”

Octavia chuckled and nodded at the truth to the blonde’s statement. “Well that’s better than it could have been right?

“Hey Griff! Welcome home!” The curly haired boy waved her over to the seat next to him, holding a cup out to her as she drew near.

“Thanks Bell. Glad to be home. Woods are not my cup of tea.” Clarke’s head turned sharply at the sound of Octavia mumbling to Raven and both of them laughing. “What’s so funny to you two?”

“Nothing Griff, just thought your choice of words was interesting there. It seems to us that Woods are in fact your cup of tea.” Both of them giggled again at Octavia’s response to their blonde friend.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you talking about Lexa? We’re friends. I feel like you should be relieved that I’m finally friends with our captain.”

Raven jumped in, hoping to cover for them. “We are happy Clarke. It wasn’t always fun when you didn’t like each other, we’re just glad you and the commander finally are getting along. But let’s be real, you two are also the hottest on the team and you both have some serious sexual tension happening between you two. I say go for it.”

“Rae! I’m not into Lex! We just became friends this weekend from how much we had to deal with each other. I don’t really know her.”

Raven smirked, “Lex huh? Tell me again how you’re not ‘really’ friends with her?” As her final words left her mouth, her smirk fell, seeing the blonde looking really distraught and in her head before leaving everyone and going to her room.

Raven and Octavia exchanged worried glances before following her, stopping in the doorway of her room seeing the blonde sitting on the edge of her bed with tears threatening to leave her eyes. As Raven made her way in front of her she kneeled down and took her hands into her own, “Hey, Clarke, it’s ok. I was just making fun of you. If you’re into her, great. If you’re not into her, still great. I was just messing with you back there. Are you ok?”

At her best friends statement the tears fell. “I just don’t know what to do guys. I still hate myself because of Finn. I still have so much self-doubt about whether I’m going to make it through school. I still have so much doubt about my future as a soccer player- who would ever want someone who was in jail? I’ve tried to focus on all of that and I’ve felt alone. My mom hates me. Rae, you didn’t talk to me for months and O, you’ve been so hooked on Lincoln and I’m happy for you but I’ve been alone. I’ve been dealing with all of this alone. The only person who talked to me about anything was Lexa. And I think I actually like her and it scares the hell out of me. I’ve never been shy about hiding that I’m bi but this is the first time I’ve really liked a girl. And I’m scared. And you’re calling me out on it and it doesn’t help how scared I am. I just don’t know what to do.” She choked back a sob before letting the sobs freely wrack her body. Raven and Octavia pulled into a tight hug, all three now crying.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa’s two weeks without any workouts was pure hell. She spent the first four days on crutches with an aircast brace on before ridding herself of the crutches. But watching her team practice and prepare for the first game of the season without her was torture. _This better not fuck up my future in professional soccer._ She spent every practice grumbling to herself on the bench as Clarke began to take over a little more of control over the team while she was out. It was hard to see but she had to admit, the blonde was doing a great job.

“Hey cripple.”

Lexa rolled her eyes seeing the blonde that was just invading her thoughts walking towards her. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

“Sorry, _Commander_. How are you feeling though? When can you start working out again?” Clarke’s eyes expressed nothing but care and compassion in the deep, ocean blue she saw looking back at her.

“I’m fine Clarke. I’m just frustrated I’ll be missing a few games. I start workouts to get my mobility and range of motion back tomorrow so you won’t have too much longer of missing me left. But first, go win those games. If we lose either one of them, this team is in for some trouble when I get back.” Lexa smiled at Clarke, but Clarke knew she wasn’t kidding about her actions if they lost.

The first game couldn’t have been easier. The grounders won 7-1 with Clarke getting a hat trick, Octavia getting a brace, Harper scoring one, and Raven scoring the final goal. Clarke notched 4 assists and Raven added assists on two of Clarke’s goals, with Octavia getting the assist on the other. Everyone but Anya was happy, her clean sheet being spoiled in the final minutes of the game. But even Lexa had nothing terrible to say about the game.

The second game was a bit tougher for the team. Lexa was furious at the stalemate during halftime, ranting to Clarke in a solitary conversation separate from the rest of the team. “Clarke, I don’t get what’s happening? They’re not playing well, so why aren’t we winning?”

“I know Lex, I know. They’re not the best team but we’re not playing well either. I think our team got a little cocky after the last game and now we’re paying for it. I promise you we won’t lose. I need to you trust us ok?”

Lexa sighed and put her hand up to her cover her eyes. “I know. It’s just so frustrating being on the bench and not being able to do anything about the outcome of the game. I just want to be back out there again. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t be back before the next game.”

“Hey Lexa.” Clarke spoke much softer as she stepped up to the brunette. “You’ll be back on the field with us in no time. Then we can go back to beating teams 7-0. But right now, this team needs their captains’ expert opinion from eyes that aren’t on the field.” With that, Clarke pushed Lexa towards the team to give the halftime speech they had been waiting for.

As the Grounders returned to the field in the second half, they had a new energy. They controlled position and dominated the field but nothing was going in. Finally, in the 87th minute, Clarke found herself in a 1 on 1 situation with the goalie. As she started attacking towards the goalie she saw Raven streaking to her right. She pulled her favorite move, the elastico to fake the goalie out before passing it over to Raven who sent it flying into the back of the net. “YES RAE!!!” Clarke jumped into her best friends’ arms before looking over at Lexa and winking to the girl on the bench.

As Octavia joined the celebration she couldn’t help but see the interaction between the two. “What was that Princess? A wink for the future missus?”

“Shut up, O.” Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed before lining back up for the kickoff, waiting for the whistle to blow. As soon as she heard it she looked for green eyes and was met with a beaming smile she had to meet.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang hangs out. Lincoln, Anya, and Lexa share a bit of their background. Clarke and Lexa have a deep talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who didn't take months to update!  
> Anyway, this is a background chapter that is a bit heavy. WARNING! There is mention of assault and death- if you want to skip over this, skip the paragraphs between the ******** I'll add before.

After the game, Harper, Monroe, Anya, Niylah, and Lexa went to Clarke, Raven, and Octavia’s apartment to celebrate their win. “O, go get the drinks. I’m gonna set up chairs for everyone.” Clarke called to Octavia in the kitchen as she walked from her bedroom to the living room.

Lexa looked around, confused. “Everyone has a chair though, why would you set up more?”

Clarke looked over to the brunette, “Oh, well some of the guys are joining our celebration so we’re setting up for them. Don’t worry though, we told them this wasn’t going to be a huge party. Just hanging out together.”

Lexa’s lips pursed in a line and she nodded before looking away and starting a conversation with Anya, ignoring the blonde after that moment. Clarke felt a little dumbfounded by the sudden coldness she got from the brunette but she was quickly shaken out of her thoughts when the door opened and Miller, Jasper, Monty, Murphy, and Bellamy walked in. “Hey guys! Come sit! Grab a drink. We’re just going to hang out tonight and get to know each other better.” Clarke beamed and Lexa couldn’t help it when the corners of her mouth slightly turned up at the sight. The small smile quickly dropped as she saw Bellamy envelope Clarke in a huge hug, picking her up and spinning her as she leaned her head back laughing, before setting her down. _She’s not mine. I don’t care that she’s seeing that asswipe. Stop watching her, Lexa. Love is weakness. Don’t let this affect you. You’re her teammate and captain. That’s it. Nothing more._

“Woah there Commander. Who are you going to kill tonight with that stare?” Anya frowned at the expression change but then smiled to herself a little when she saw the interaction happening between Clarke and Bellamy. She smiled even more when she realized Lexa was so entranced by it, she didn’t even hear the question. _This could be a fun night._

As the night progressed, everyone was getting more comfortable with each other. They told stories about their college before they transferred and they talked a bit about life before college. They started discussing the game again when the door knocked. Octavia jumped up to get it, welcoming Lincoln in. Everyone chuckled at Bellamy’s scowl, knowing his dislike for his sister’s boyfriend.

“Commander. Anya. Good to see you guys” Lincoln gave both of them a big hug before sitting down on the couch, pulling Octavia into his lap.

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. How do you know Lexa and Anya, Lincoln?” Raven paused the conversation that was occurring to ask her question.

“Oh, we grew up together. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

Octavia leaned away from him, eyes wide in disbelief. “Wait what? Babe, we have been dating for over 10 months now. How did I not know you knew them, much less grew up with them?”

“It never came up? I don’t know. We all grew up in Polis.”

“Wait, Polis as in the Polis where that one tribe is from?” Raven’s jaw about dropped to the floor. All the Ark U people had heard about the Polis tribe. They weren’t very advanced technologically but some of the smartest Army generals and strategists came from there. Not to mention the ability to fight and their almost savage ways. And almost everyone in the country knew their motto; blood must have blood.

Lincoln nodded and looked over at Lexa and Anya with a little hesitancy. He beamed when Lexa nodded. “Yes, that Polis. So, Anya, Lexa, and I all grew up part of the tribe. We still are today actually. Anyway, Anya and Lexa are cousins and grew up next door to each other for most of their life-“

“HOW DID WE NOT KNOW YOU TWO WERE COUSINS???” Raven all but shouted as she interrupted Lincoln’s story. “I MEAN WE’RE TEAMMATES AND WE DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE RELATED?”

Lexa and Anya looked at each other before Anya explained. “We don’t really think of each other as cousins. We grew up so close that we’re like sisters. Just like Lincoln is basically our brother.”

Octavia jumped in, “Okay this is really cool that you’re all so close but that makes it even weirder that none of us knew. I mean, not knowing you’re cousins is one thing but when you consider each other sisters and we didn’t know? That’s weirder.”

Niylah piped up, “I mean I knew.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Ok, well majority of us didn’t know. Anyway, Lincoln continue with the story.”

She gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek and he smiled before continuing. “Anyway, we’re all really close. Then Lexa was chosen to be the next Heda and things changed a little bit.” He frowned slightly as he thought back to his childhood.

“Yeah because of stupid tight-ass.” Lexa elbowed her in the ribs and gave her a glare telling her to stop talking. Everyone else in the room looked at Anya, confused by her comment. “So, when Lexa became Heda, she moved to live with the ‘flame keeper’ as we called him. Heda isn’t required to live with him but my aunt and uncle, Lexa’s parents, had just died so it made sense for her to live with him after she was chosen.”

Harper spoke up, asking the question on everyone’s mind. “What’s a Heda?”

Anya looked at Lexa and motioned for her to answer. Lexa cleared her throat and began. “Heda means commander-“

“So that’s where your nickname came from.” Clarke was looking directly in her eyes, speaking softly, clearly thinking things through and trying to understand every detail. “The commander nickname isn’t from the soccer team, it’s from your childhood. It’s your title.”

Lexa smiled at the blonde and nodded. “Yes, Clarke. Anya and Lincoln had been used to calling me that, so when we got to college it stuck. Everyone just assumed it was from soccer. Anyway, so Heda means commander and Heda is the leader of our tribe.” She paused as the group gasped, clearly in awe of the girl sitting in front of them. “The commanders are chosen by the spirit of the commander before them. We train from a young age. In combat and strategy mostly. How to lead our people. It’s not a position to be treated lightly and it’s not for the faint-hearted. The commander’s spirit chose mine and because my parents had just passed away, I went to live with the flame keeper, Titus. The flame keeper acts as an advisor for Heda. Titus is basically my advisor but he’s also now my father figure.” Anya scoffed and Lexa shot her a glare. “Anya doesn’t particularly like him but he does his job and he’s the reason I could leave the tribe for college. Most people there don’t go to college. But Anya and I were scouted by Indra, who grew up in the tribe as well, and talked Titus into letting us come. So he’s basically running the tribe in person while I run it remotely from here. He tells me the big issues and if I need to come back for anything but anything trivial he takes care of so I can focus on soccer and my studies.”

Raven contemplated everything she heard. “Okay, I don’t want to generalize but like everyone things you guys are heartless people because of your blood must have blood thing. But you three aren’t like that. Well, Lexa, I thought you could have and were going to kill Clarke at first but you’re just badass.”

Lexa smiled before responding. “There were times when I contemplated it. But we really aren’t heartless. We aren’t savages like other people think. It’s like that saying ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ we believe in justice and since there are 12 clans under our tribe, it can get ugly between us.”

Anya looked at Lexa proudly, “Yeah, it used to be that way, but Lexa here is the first commander to truly unite all 12 clans in peace. She’s the only one who’s been able to do it and she’s been able to keep the peace from here too.” Anya wasn’t afraid to show off her cousin and Clarke looked at the relatives fondly, with a newfound respect and being completely in awe of what Lexa has done.

Octavia looked up at her boyfriend. “Wait babe, why were you allowed to come here then if you’re not playing a sport? I thought you weren’t allowed to leave if you didn’t.”

“Anya and Lexa also convinced Titus to let me go, with the reasoning being that I could protect them. But I’m the only person who’s not an athlete who has ever left for college. And not many athletes even leave. There was Indra, Lexa, and Anya and one other girl our age. But they basically got me out because they knew I wanted to leave. I don’t feel like I belong there. It’s not like either of them, especially Lexa, needs any protecting.” Clarke raised her eyebrows in question to Lincoln and he smirked. “Lexa here could absolutely beat anyone’s ass. She’s an expert in Krav Maga, Judo, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and could probably kill anyone 50 different ways with one finger.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped as she looked at the brunette on the couch, face unfazed by what Lincoln just said. “Is that true?”

Lexa smiled a little before saying, “well I don’t think it’s _quite_ 50 different ways. Maybe 45. But yes, as a natblida, those are the trainees to become the next commander, we have to be experts in all of those. I wasn’t really good at them though until after- umm- until after I left for college. Being in college I don’t have a ton of practical use for them so in the off-season I tend to teach some children’s classes in them. But, in high school I wasn’t really focused on that stuff.” Her eyes dropped and Anya looked concerned towards her.

Lincoln missed the expression change between the two girls and kept going. “Yeah, high school was probably the most fun we had. The four of us were so close-“ he quickly stopped talking as Anya shot him a glare and Lexa silently stood up and walked out of the living room, down the hall, and into one of the bedrooms shutting the door. “uhhh yeah. But anyway, that’s how we got here. Lexa is still Heda actually and goes back home on breaks and whenever she’s needed to make decisions.”

Monroe looked around the suddenly silent room before talking. “So, this might be wrong to ask but I’m guessing the fourth person you were talking about so who was?”

Anya narrowed her eyes at the girl before softening her face. “Her name was Costia.”

Clarke sucked in a deep breath and speaking barely above a whisper. “Lexa’s ex.”

Anya’s eyes shot up to the blonde, bewildered at her statement. “How do you know about Costia? Did Lexa tell you about her?”

Clarke nodded so slightly you could barely tell. “Yeah, she told me when I was in the hospital after Finn. Then she mentioned her briefly on the team bonding weekend.”

If Anya was surprised, her face didn’t reveal it. “I didn’t know she told you Blondie. She must really trust you. Don’t blow it. Don’t hurt her. I’m going to go talk to her.”

Clarke held up her hand as she stood up. “No, you can stay. I’ll talk to her. I think she went into my room anyway. And don’t worry Anya, I won’t hurt her.” With that, Clarke walked down the hallway, leaving her friends sitting in the living room wondering what they should do next.

 

When she entered her room, Clarke was met with the sight of Lexa sitting on the edge of her bed, head in her hands, silent and motionless. “Lex? You wanna talk? Can I come sit next to you?”

Green eyes met blue and nodded. Clarke sat down next to Lexa without talking, waiting for her to start. “I thought we were going to be together forever, Costia and I. I let her get too close. Titus was right, love is weakness. And now I’ve adopted that to save myself and everyone else in my life.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at the stubborn girls comments. “Lexa, Titus was wrong. Love is not weakness. Love is strength. Love makes you better. Makes you stronger. Don’t believe him for a second.” She laughed a little before adding, “Now I get why Anya called him tight ass. That’s a good nickname.”

*****************************************

Lexa smiled with her before her lips returned to a straight line. “She was killed. By some of my high school soccer teammates.” Clarke’s eyebrows raised but she didn’t say anything, prompting the other girl to continue. “We started dating my freshman year of high school. She was gorgeous, kind, and perfect. That’s the only way I can think of describing her.” Clarke smiled looking at Lexa’s face describing her late girlfriend. “I loved her so much. We both knew we would be getting married. We talked about it so much. And then at the end of freshman year is when I became Heda. Titus told me I needed to end the relationship, that love was weakness and she would do nothing but cause me trouble in the end. I didn’t listen to him though. I loved her too much to let her go. It’s funny, I was the one who caused her nothing but trouble. If I would have listened to him and ended it she would still be alive.” She gave a heartless laugh but Clarke could see the emotion clouding behind her eyes and placed her hand on Lexa’s, giving it a small squeeze.

Lexa took a deep breath, her breath shaky on the exhale. “Titus wasn’t the only one who didn’t like us together. A girl on my team, Nia, hated that I was gay. Loved to tell me every homophobic comment under the sun. When she found out Cos and I started dating, she was livid. Kept trying to find any reason to get the coach to kick me off the team or make me lose my captaincy. Costia and I had been dating for 2 and a half years, we were in our junior year and it was the off season for soccer. I was taking her out on a date when it happened. Nia and some of her friends, other teammates of mine snuck up behind us as we were taking a walk. I felt something hit my head and I fell hard. It didn’t knock me out but I was hit hard enough I was dizzy and my vision was blurry. There was a girl on my back pushing my cheek into the ground and I couldn’t fight back. Nia and one other girl kept hitting Costia.” Lexa closed her eyes and willed the tears away. Clarke squeezed her hand again in reassurance and to her surprise, Lexa flipped her hand over and intertwined their fingers. “I remember seeing her getting bloodier and bloodier and not being able to do anything about it. I kept crying out for her and she kept telling me she loved me and I would be okay. She kept telling me until she couldn’t tell me anymore. I watched her die, Clarke. I watched her die and couldn’t do anything about it. And I’ll never truly escape it. Nia plays for Azgeda so I have to play against the girl who took my love from me.”

*****************************************

Clarke looked at the girl confused before getting angry, “How is she playing? Why isn’t she in jail? She murdered someone!”

“Titus. He basically covered it up. Well, he convinced me not to do anything about it. In our tribe, Heda decides on punishment for our people. Because I was Heda, it would have been up to me. I wanted to kill them but Titus told me that would cause a war within our tribe because Nia’s parents were high officials in one of the clans. He told me I wasn’t impartial because it was Costia and I would be showing weakness if I did that. He told me to let them go. I had to let them go.” With that tears escaped and she silently cried.

Clarke removed her hand from Lexa’s and wrapped her arm around the girl’s shoulders, pulling her into her chest. “It’s ok. It’s ok. I’m here.” She laid both of them down on the bed and pulled Lexa close on top of her so her head rested on her chest. Lexa’s grabbed a fistful of Clarkes shirt as she buried her face into her. Clarke felt her shirt getting wet with tears but didn’t relinquish her grasp on the girl, even when her breathing evened out, indicating she fell asleep. Clarke just kept holding her, whispering quiet words, and stroking her hair until she herself felt her eyes closing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang hangs out. Lexa starts coming back to play. Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and again, it hasn't been multiple months! I'm actually swamped with school but this has been my way of procrastinating... so if I fail all my classes it'll at least mean I'm probably writing a lot of chapters. I believe is the longest chapter I've written so far. It's a little over 4500 words and I'm kind of introducing a new aspect of the fic that I'm going to be using a lot more so hopefully you like it and this chapter. But I'm just now starting to get some more inspiration back after losing my grandma so yay for you guys because I also think that's why I'm writing more frequently.

Clarke looked around as she saw so many people she loved and cared about surrounding her. Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, Lexa, Anya, Bellamy, Jasper, and Monty all sat in a circle with her, with a bonfire in the middle. “Alright guys, this is our last weekend before our fearless commander starts training again. And for that, we celebrate.” All of them raised their glasses and Lexa couldn’t help but smile a little smile. A smile that grew immensely as she met blue eyes across the flames.

“Well as much as I love just drinking and sitting here, I’m going to get the s’mores stuff.” Octavia pronounced loudly as she stood up, returning with chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers in her arms.

Lexa leaned over to Anya and murmured, “What’s a s’more?” getting a shrug in response. She thought she was quiet enough, but she was proven wrong by the dark-haired girl sitting next to her.

“What?? You don’t know what a s’more is? Where have you been all your years in college?” Octavia gasped in disbelief before turning to her boyfriend. “Please tell me you know what a s’more is.”

Lincoln smiled and shook his head. “We don’t really do many bonfires in our tribe. And when we do it’s to cook meat. They look good though.”

Clarke shyly smiled. “Well, we do s’mores all the time. We’ll teach you the right way to make them.”

The night continued with all the friends laughing every time Lincoln, Anya, or Lexa lit their marshmallow on fire. Finally, Bellamy stood up and left without warning. “What’s up with him?” Anya nudged Lexa as she questioned but Lexa only shrugged and shook her head. The two girls looked confused as everyone but Clarke was smiling and waiting for Bellamy to return.

“Bell, no.” The blonde protested as he brought out a guitar. “We’re not doing this.”

“Come on Clarke. We’re all hanging out for the first time in a long time. It’s a great night. We need some great music.” Everyone nodded along with Bellamy’s statement and a chorus of “please” rang out among the group.

“Can we explain to the new people what’s going on?” Lincoln looked at Anya and Lexa, just as confused before turning to the rest of the group in question

Octavia put her hand on his bicep and smiled. “Clarke here just so happens to be the greatest we have. She plays guitar and knows almost every song. In fact, she has a song for each of us here and we usually put all our names in a hat and whatever one she draws she sings the song for them.”

Raven piped up. “Yep, and I have approved all songs she’s chosen for each people. And, it’s come to my attention that three new names can be added because blondie here has a song for Lincoln, Anya, and Lexa. But because it’s getting late we’ll just draw three names out and she can just tell everyone else what their song is.”

“Ugh. Fine. But only because like 9 songs is too much for tonight. Also, 3 names doesn’t include Bell’s. Because we all know Clarkey has to start with his.”

Lexa spoke up from where she was watching the interaction between friends. “Why does Bellamy have to have his song go first?”

Clarke looked over at the brunette “Because Bellamy’s song is kind of the song for the entire group. We all adopted it as our own so it’s what we start with.”

Raven held up her glass, “Enough talk Clarke. I’ve drawn and the 3 other names are Me, You, and Lexa. Now let’s get this bonding jam session started!”

Clarke laughed before starting to play her guitar, Lexa immediately enraptured by the blonde.

_Come home early after class_  
_Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard_  
_I've been called up by a teacher_  
_She says she can't even reach you cause you're so far_  
_You've been talking with your fist_  
_We didn't raise you up like this, now did we_  
_There have been changes in this house_  
_Things that you don't know about in this family_

Lexa watched as the blondes’ voice soothed everyone around the fire, some mouthing along, some just with their eyes closed, but all paying close attention to the blonde.

_It don't make sense, but nevertheless_  
_You gotta believe us, it's all for the best_  
_It don't make sense_  
_The way things go_  
_Son you should know_

_Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love_  
_Sometimes two homes are better than one_  
_Some things you can't tell your sister cause she's still too young_  
_Yeah, you'll understand_  
_When you love someone_  

Lexa couldn’t take her eyes away from the girl. She watched her hand move up and down the neck of the guitar, playing the song softly. She watched her eyes closed, sometimes shut tightly as she sang along to more emotional parts. She was falling for the blonde and she knew it. And it scared her.

_There ain't no one here to blame_  
_Nothing's going to change with your old friends_  
_Your room will stay the same_  
_Cause you'll only be away on the weekends_

She tried to tear her eyes away. She tried but she couldn’t. She took a sideways glance at Anya and saw that she too, was just watching the blonde in awe. She felt a nudge in her ribs and saw Anya look at her, smirking. “You gonna tell her you can sing too? Or are you just gonna steal the show tonight?”

Lexa smiled. “I’ll give her tonight. Next time Linc and I will steal the show. Or maybe just me. She doesn’t know I can play a little guitar too. Not nearly as well as her-“ she stole another glance at the blonde playing before smiling “but eventually she’ll learn I can play too.”

Anya smiled and laughed before turning back to the blonde, enjoying the music along with the rest of her friends.

  
_And if we're crying on the couch_  
_Don't let it freak you out_  
_This has been so hard_

_Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love_  
_Sometimes the best intentions just ain't enough_  
_Some things you can't tell your sister cause she's still too young_  
_Yeah, you'll understand_  
_When you love someone_

She watched as the blonde slowly ended the song, before opening her eyes, glossy from unshed tears. She could tell just how much this song meant to all of them as she looked around the fire and saw almost everyone else in the same state, Bellamy with tears slowly running down his face. Clarke looked over at her and smiled. “This song is for all of us because we all don’t have both parents still together for some reason. This was one of the first songs I learned. Bell and O became my friends in middle school and about a year after I met them, their parents got divorced and their dad left. The rest of us either had parents’ divorce, never knew one of our parents, or had at least one parent die.” Clarke paused a little after that last statement before continuing. “Alright Rae, you’re up.” She started strumming short chords before picking up the pace.

_I like being independent_  
_Not so much of an investment_  
_No one to tell me what to do_  
_I like being by myself_  
_Don't gotta entertain anybody else_  
_No one to answer to_  
_But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold_  
_Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold_  
_Got that young love even when we're old_  
_Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand_  
_Pick me up, pull me close, be my man_  
_I will love you till the end_  
  
This song had most of them dancing and swaying to the music, a lot of them singing along. Clarke had her eyes open, smiling and laughing as she sang and played. Lexa smiled as she watched on and froze when Clarke looked her way and threw her a wink. _Did she just wink at me? Did that just happen?_ Lexa was thrown out of her thoughts as she saw Raven and Octavia jump up and start dancing with each other.

_So if you're out there I swear to be good to you_  
_But I'm done lookin, for my future someone_  
_Cause when the time is right_  
_You'll be here, but for now_  
_Dear no one, this is your love song_  
_I don't really like big crowds_  
_I tend to shut people out_  
_I like my space, yeah_  
_But I'd love to have a soulmate_  
_And God'll give him to me someday_  
_And I know it'll be worth the wait, oh_  
_So if you're out there I swear to be good to you_  
_But I'm done lookin, for my future someone_  
_Cause when the time is right_  
_You'll be here, but for now_  
_Dear no one this is your love song_

She continued until the song was over and laughed as she saw Raven throw her a kiss after she finished. “So, if you’re wondering, after I met Rae, this is the song I associated with her because we always had conversations about how she sometimes hated being alone but she knew when her guy came along she’d love him and take care of him.”

“Well, Clarkey, at least for right now you may need to change my song. I have a date next week.”

“RAVEN REYES! How could you not tell me this???” Clarke and Octavia simultaneously protested. “Who is it with?”

Raven smiled, “It’s with Wick. But enough of that for now, we can talk later. Keep playing. I believe your song is next.”

Anya looked up. “Hey blondie, before you keep going can you tell us the songs that you’re not playing? I’m curious.”

Clarke smiled back at the girl. “Well yours is Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran because I feel like all the stuff that he talks about as a child really happened to you. Also, because I know how proud you are of Lex and I’m pretty sure you love your people and going home. O’s changed in the last year to Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran- yes, I love Ed Sheeran, he has great guitar songs. Mostly because of the big teddy bear she’s in love with. Linc was actually the one who pointed out this song being one that he thought about O when he heard it and I went with it. Lincolns I go back and forth between Making this Boy go Crazy by Dylan Scott and Lovin you by North of Nine. Lately it’s been Lovin you but depending on my mood and how gross he and O are it changes. Jaspers is Broccoli because well, it’s Jasper. And Monty’s, the little cinnamon roll, is Afternoon Delight by Starland vocal band because he’s just so in love with Anchorman and that’s like his favorite part about it. But sometimes I sing I’m gonna be by the proclaimers because he loves How I Met Your Mother and for the longest time he would only play that song whenever he drove or rode anywhere. Anyway, I’ll continue” She again, began strumming a few chords in another, slower song.

_Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right_  
_Oh I, Oh I've_  
_Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right_  
_At this point in my life_  
_I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right_  
_If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down_  
_If you give me a chance I'll try_  
  
Lexa’s heart broke at the opening verse of this song, knowing that the blonde chose this song for herself because this is how she sees herself, as someone who has done so much wrong.

_You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on_  
_And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin_  
_I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand_  
_That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can_  
_At this point in my life_  
  
She continued through to the chorus  
  
_You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down_  
_I've been reaching high always losing ground_  
_You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground_  
_You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb_  
_And right now right now I'm doing the best I can_  
_At this point in my life_

She met Lexa’s eyes, giving her a small smile and subtle nod. She kept eye contact through the next part, seemingly singing it directly to the brunette.

_Before we take a step_  
_Before we walk down that path_  
_Before I make any promises_  
_Before you have regrets_  
_Before we talk commitment_  
_Let me tell you of my past_  
_All I've seen and all I've done_  
_The things I'd like to forget_  
_At this point in my life_

Lexa released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Tears threatening to fall at the sad song the blonde was singing, knowing that at least that verse was to her. Clarke smiled at the brunette before breaking eye contact and seeming a little happier at the next part.

  
_At this point in my life_  
_I'd like to live as if only love mattered_  
_As if redemption was in sight_  
_As if the search to live honestly_  
_Is all that anyone needs_  
_No matter if you find it_  
_You see when I've touched the sky_  
_The earth's gravity has pulled me down_  
_But now I've reconciled that in this world_  
_Birds and angels get the wings to fly_  
_If you can believe in this heart of mine_  
_If you can give it a try_  
_Then I'll reach inside and find and give you_  
_All the sweetness that I have_  
_At this point in my life_  
  
Lexa felt like she couldn’t breathe. _I want to show you what I see in you Clarke._ Anya nudged her side and gave her a look to ask if she was okay. She gave a small smile and nodded at her cousin before looking back to the blonde. She suddenly felt nervous as she realized that the next song, the final song, the blonde would be singing is the one she chose for her. Clarke looked at her, nodded slightly and without saying anything, began playing again, indicating the start of Lexa’s song.

_You laugh at all the jokes_  
_Even the ones you know_  
_Funny I'm doing that, too_

Lexa furrowed her brows, a little confused by the song choice and a little in awe at the sudden low nature of the blonde’s voice, something that complimented the raspiness. She quickly softened her face from one look the blonde gave her. A look that told her to wait.

_Let me love the lonely out of you_  
_Let me love the pain you're going through_  
_I think I've saved myself by saving you_  
_Let me love the lonely out of you_

_Lighthouse without the lights_  
_You smile without your eyes_  
_I know, cause I do that too_  
_Your own worst enemy_  
_You think that no one sees_  
_I do, cause I'm like that too_

 

Lexa felt herself getting overwhelmed. Clarke cared. She cared so much. She began to feel the air around her disappear. She felt her hands go numb and her mind grow fuzzy. She vaguely heard Anya’s voice but couldn’t make out anything she said. She was so focused on the blonde. The blonde who she felt herself falling for. The blonde who had her eyes closed, trying to get every note right as she sang. Finally, Lexa stood up and walked inside the apartment, needing to get away from the music.

_Let me love the lonely out of you_  
_Let me love the pain you're going through_  
_Think I've saved myself by saving you_  
_Let me love the lonely out of you_

Clarke sang the end softly before opening her eyes. She had been nervous to choose that song but it was the brunette she thought of when she first heard the song. Her eyes widened as she saw the girl missing but a flick of Anya’s eyes to the apartment she nodded and trudged back up with her guitar.

“Lex? You okay?” Clarke called the brunette before seeing her sitting on the floor in front of the couch, knees pulled up to her chest. “I’m sorry Lex. I shouldn’t have just decided that song was ok. I’m sorry I played it.”

Lexa looked up, eyes red from crying, and laughed. “Clarke. You think I’m upset and crying because you sang that song?” She stopped Clarke from responding by putting her hand on her arm. “I’m not upset by that. It overwhelmed me. I didn’t know you cared that much about me. I’ve never had anyone besides Anya, Lincoln, and Costia really care about me. It was just a lot to realize that’s no longer the case. Not just from you, but from everyone out there. Clarke smiled at the brunette’s words and pulled her into a hug. As Lexa broke away, she stood up and held out her hand, “Now let’s get back to our friends and keep them from catching themselves on fire.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As Lexa slowly got back to training she began having solo training sessions with Clarke. “Come on Princess, let’s get going. I don’t have all day. I’ve been off the field for too long.”

“Calm down commander. I’m almost ready.” They started going through their warmup and beginning drills to warmup but Clarke could tell that Lexa had something bothering her. “Lex, what’s up? I can tell something is going on. Spill it.”

“It’s nothing.” Lexa paused as she saw Clarke roll her eyes and send a glare her way. She sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to win this argument and continued. “I guess I’m just a little anxious from the other night. Not the bonfire, from the party the night before.” She waved off Clarke who looked like she was going to respond and tell her it was fine. “I’m not upset you know. I’m not upset I talked to you. But I’ve never really told anyone besides Anya and Lincoln what happened. It makes me nervous. I’ve never shown that kind of weakness.”

Clarke put her hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “Lex, you are not weak. You opening up like that? That wasn’t weakness. That was pure strength. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you any differently okay? Now let’s get out there so we can get you back on the field sooner.”

They practiced for about 45 more minutes before calling it a day. “Hey Clarke? Thanks for this. I’m not sure I’ll ever be where I was at and I think this might have really jeopardized my pro future but I appreciate the time you’re taking to help me.”

“Jeopardize your career? Lexa, you’re like the next Tobin Heath. Even if you lost ¼ of your ability you’d still be the first overall pick. It’s only a matter of getting back to healthy for you to get your call-up that will lead to your first cap. You’re going to be a pro. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind. So, stop worrying your pretty little mind about it.”

Lexa smiled and gave the blonde a short hug before walking to her car and driving back to her apartment.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next team practice, Lexa’s first back on field, proved to be her trying to make up for lost time. “O, that’s enough. 5 laps now and when you’re done sit your ass on the bench. We don’t need people here who aren’t going to do their job.” This was the fifth time in the 30 minutes they had been practicing that Lexa had chewed out Octavia for seemingly nothing.

Octavia huffed and started running. Raven looked at Clarke and muttered “what the fuck happened to her?” Clarke shook her head before looking at the brunette trying to figure out what was going through her head.

After practice Lexa stormed off the field. Everyone just watched as their captain went off before watching Clarke run after her. She finally saw her walking up to her car “Lexa!” The brunette barely turned around at the blonde’s words.

“What do you want Clarke? I’m busy” Lexa looked everywhere but the blonde’s eyes, knowing that the blue eyes would cause her to lose her stoic mask.

“No, none of this bullshit.” Lexa’s head snapped up to meet the blonde’s eyes. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to be my friend and open up to me and then shut me out because of nothing. You don’t get to treat O like crap.”

Lexa cut off the blonde, anger filling her. “I don’t get to treat Octavia like crap? She doesn’t listen. She isn’t doing her job. She’s benched until she learns. And if she doesn’t learn she’s off the team. That’s it”

Clarke stepped closer to her. “What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t just bench people or kick them off the team because they ‘don’t listen to you’’

“Yes, I can”

“You don’t even know why she’s ‘not listening to you’. She doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong! This is a new school for us, new coach, new teammates, and new style of play. We played differently at Ark. Every time she’s messed up you just tell her she messed up. You don’t tell her what it was that was wrong or how to fix it. That’s not leadership.”

“I don’t need to hear this from you.”

Clarke moved closer to her, until Lexa was backed up against the car. “Yes Lexa! You do! Because everyone else is too afraid to bring it up to you. You’re trying to hide all your feelings but I see through that. I know that you’re freaking out because of how vulnerable you’ve been the last few weeks. I know it scares you and I know you’re still nervous about coming back. But you can’t take it out on all of us.”

Lexa seethed at the comments. “Leave me alone!”

Clarke just stood her ground. “I’m not going to let you do this. I’m not going to let you become a terrible captain because you’re trying to hide from your feelings. I know you care about us, so why are you leaving everyone out to dry?”

Lexa’s face softened and she swallowed, a big lump forming in her throat. “Not everyone. Not you.”

Clarke became flustered. Her eyes searching Lexa’s face, looking for a hint that she didn’t mean it, but she found none. “Well if you’re not leaving me out to dry then you need to trust me. That’s not how any of us Ark people learn and I can tell your people don’t like it either. So, trust me. Octavia has the team’s success as her best interest. Don’t kick bench her.”

“I can’t do that. I can’t go back on my word. She needs to learn this is how it’s going to be. The world isn’t sunshine and roses, Clarke.”

Clarkes mouth drew into a straight line. “If you do anything to jeopardize her scholarship and the fact that she transferred to the last school she ever wanted to because of this damn sport than you’ll be sorry. If you do anything like that to her, the entire Ark team will hate you. You’ll be putting our friendships on the line. You’ll be putting Lincoln in the toughest position. And you won’t have any of the Arkadia people on your side anymore.” With that, Clarke looked her in the eyes, cursed herself for letting her gaze drop to her lips, and walked away with tears burning in her eyes.

“Damn Clarkey, that sexual tension was too much for me.” Raven put her arm around her shoulder and walked her to the car.

Octavia gave her a big hug where she was waiting at the car. “You didn’t have to do that. But thank you for having my back.” Clarke smiled before wiping her eyes and getting into the car, oblivious at the tears that had fallen from Lexa’s eyes after their conversation.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next day, Clarke knocked on Lexa’s door. “You asked to see me?” She couldn’t help the coldness in her voice. She was still pissed at Lexa.

“Yes. I thought about what you said. Octavia doesn’t have to worry about her scholarship. And she’ll remained benched until she learns how we play. But I’ll work with her on the side as needed. I know how much that would affect our friendships and I don’t want to put Lincoln in that spot either. I do trust you, Clarke.”

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you for saying that. I know how hard it is for you. Not just to tell me that or to change your mind about Octavia, but to really trust someone.”

Lexa glanced over at the blonde before turning and facing her. “You think my ways are harsh, don’t you? You think that I’m cold because I want to be but it’s what I do for my people. It’s how we survive.”

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.” Clarke looked down at the picture frame on the table of Lexa, Anya, and Lincoln. “Don’t we deserve more than that?”

Lexa’s face completely softened at the comment. _I’ve completely fallen for her. I don’t want to survive anymore. I want to live. I want to live with her_. “Maybe we do” she replied softly.

Clarke looked up at her voice and was met with loving eyes looking back at her. _What is happening?_ Before she could react, she saw Lexa moving towards her, closing the distance and moving her hand over her cheek before putting it at the back of her neck and pulling her in for a kiss. A kiss that signified a moment that they both felt things changing between them and Lexa had the courage to act on. Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed as their lips met softly for the first time.

Lexa felt sparks. There was no other way to describe what she was feeling. The kiss only lasted a few seconds before Lexa broke it, putting only enough space that their lips detached, not moving her head back at all. It was broken for only a moment before Clarke rejoined their lips. This one wasn’t signifying a moment. This one was an admission of feelings. They both poured their emotions into the relatively PG rated kiss. After a few moments, Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s waist, the only signal that Lexa had to indicate that it wasn’t a dream.

Their lips moved seamlessly together and 30 seconds into the kiss, Clarke’s head was spinning. _Lexa kissed me. This is perfect too.  Lexa kissed me and now I’ve just kissed her. Oh my God I’m kissing Lexa. I’m kissing Lexa and it’s my first kiss since Finn. Shit. Finn. I forgot about him and he’s the guy I loved_. Just as Lexa pulled apart and brushed her nose over Clarke’s to change the angle for a deeper kiss, Clarke pulled away entirely. “I’m sorry.” Both of them took a step away from each other and Lexa scanned Clarke’s face trying to gauge what she was feeling. “I’m not ready to be with anyone.” She watched as Lexa’s face fell at the words she said, her heart breaking for the brunette she knew she was falling for. _I’m really into her. I don’t want to lose her_. “Not yet.” She added the final words and saw Lexa’s face pick up for a second as she nodded her understanding. She took Lexa’s hand in hers and squeezed before turning to the door and walking out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know eventually where I want this to go and what I want to happen but I can't decide if I should break it into 2 and have it be a 2 part series or one really long fic (though probably not as long as some). Let me know what you think. If I broke it into 2 it'd be one of them in college and the 2nd would be post college and probably not as long (but it could be long depending on how much I write and how much inspiration I get.
> 
> Also, the songs in order are; When You Love Someone by James TW, Dear No One by Tori Kelly, At This Point in My Life by Tracy Chapman, and Let Me Love the Lonely by James Arthur


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke reacts post kiss. Triku has a game. Some flirting happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back for now. I can't say I'm great but I'm doing a ton better. I'll be deleting the authors note from last chapter soon so this should be actually listed as chapter 12. Anyway, thank you for all the kind words. I didn't do much, if any writing this summer but I did basically plan out every chapter from now till the end of this fic (right now it's looking like 25ish chapters but I may combine a few of them so it'll probably be shorter. Anyway, hopefully the next update is soonish but I can't make any promises because I'm currently taking 8 classes for about 17 credit hours and 3 of them are 8 week or less classes so I already have a shit ton of work in them after the first week. Good news though is that since I have all the chapters planned out, the writing process will hopefully go a little quicker.  
> Anyway, enjoy and I apologize for any mistakes

As Clarke walked back to her apartment, she was in a daze. _Did we really just kiss? Did that really just happen?_ She was so confused at what she was feeling and paid no attention to her surroundings as she continued to walk. _I like Lexa. I mean I really like her. But I loved Finn and he hasn’t been gone that long. I mean I guess it’s been a year but I’m still trying to get back to the team and get completely over Finn. I’m not completely over Finn right? I loved him. I can’t be completely over him._ Without realizing it she had arrived at her apartment. She took a deep breath in front of her door before opening it and walking in.

“Hey Griff, how’d the talk with the commander go?” Raven called over her shoulder as she and Octavia were sitting on the couch watching a Harry Potter marathon on tv. At the hesitation, Raven looked behind her and saw Clarke standing still, just inside the door. She turned off the tv, ignoring Octavia’s protest, and stood up from the couch. “Clarke? What happened?”

Clarke opened and closed her mouth a few times, still trying to process what exactly happened. “Umm, well. We uhh, we kissed.”

Raven and Octavia stood there silently, mouths wide open. “YOU WHAT?!?!” Octavia finally spit out.

Clarke covered her face with her hands and sat down on the edge of the couch. “We kissed.” She mumbled through her hands.

Octavia and Raven sat on either side of her, ravens hand on her back and Octavia’s hand on her knee before speaking. “How did that happen? You went over there to talk about O getting her position back.” Raven finally broke the silence.

“And we did. By the way O, she said you don’t have to worry about your scholarship and she’ll work with you outside of practice to help you understand whatever you don’t get.”

Octavia looked down and smiled. “Thanks for having my back Clarke. But you’re not getting out of this conversation. How did talking about me lead to you two kissing?”

“Well. She said the whole thing about working with you and I said that I knew that trusting us and believing everything I said was hard for her. Then she got a little confusing because she said something about her being cold to people in order to survive or something. And I said that life should be about more than just surviving. And then she kissed me.” Clarke groaned after she finished. “Now what do I do? This just threw off all the steps towards being friends and not hating each other.”

Raven chuckled a little “Oh Clarkey. You two never really hated each other. You were just denying your attraction to her.”

Clarke scoffed at her friend. “No, Rae. I really didn’t like her. I don’t know what changed but I can guarantee you that I absolutely hated her.” Raven rolled her eyes at the statement but let it drop.

Octavia patted Clarke’s arm before continuing. “So Clarke, I’m kind of dying to ask….. How was it? What does this mean now? Are you two dating? Was she a great kisser? I want to hear all about it.”

Clarke cut off her rambling with a finger in the air asking for a pause. “O, I don’t know what to say. Do you want me to tell you that she was an amazing kisser and we’re now in a relationship?” Octavia and Raven looked at her hopefully. “Because honestly I can’t say that. Well. It’s half wrong. But I’m just such a mess right now.”

The two friends calmed her down a bit before treading carefully. “Talk to us. What’s going on in your head? No matter what you’re thinking we’re here for you. Sky Crew til we die right Clarkey?”

Clarke gave them both a grateful smile before it dropped from her face and she struggled to find a way to start. “It’s just like it was _such_ a good kiss you know? And like she’s so pretty, probably the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And her green eyes are so gorgeous and I never get tired of looking at them. And when she kissed me it was perfect. Everything made sense and fell into place. But then I thought about Finn. And I loved Finn, didn’t I? I loved him and he’s only been gone about a year. He’s barely been gone and I’m kissing someone else and enjoying it. What kind of person does that make me? I’m not supposed to be over him yet. I don’t think I’m supposed to be over him at all. He doesn’t deserve to be gone while I’m kissing-“

“Woah, Clarke slow down.” Raven cut her off as her rambling became so excessive she started hyperventilating. “Let’s take this one part at a time so we don’t get too worked up ok?” She waited for Clarke to nod in agreement before continuing. “So, commander Lexa is a good kisser huh?”

“YES RAE! So good!” Both Raven and Octavia cracked smiles as Clarke gushed about the brunette. “I don’t know if I’ve ever had a first kiss that was that good.”

“Well there’s one part down. So, the kiss went well and then thinking of Finn happened. Why did you think about him?”

“I wasn’t at first. I was thinking about how great it was and how much I enjoyed it but then I remembered that it was my first kiss since Finn died and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Like I don’t deserve to be moving on. I don’t deserve to be happy.” Clarke started sniffling and wiping away tears falling from her eyes as Raven and Octavia comforted her.

“Hey Clarke. It’s ok. You’re allowed to feel happy. You’re allowed to feel feelings for Lexa. You’re allowed to move on. Finn loved you too. He wouldn’t want you to be miserable forever. He’d want you to be the happiest you could be. And if that’s with Lexa right now then that’s what he’d want. Even though he was never her #1 fan.” Clarke chuckled at the last comment and Octavia took the time to wipe the tears off her cheeks. “I’m not saying you need to jump into a relationship with her or do anything at all. If you don’t want to then you’re welcome to not pursue anything. But don’t let your fear of moving on and the guilt you have that you have the ability to move on be what keeps you from it. Finn would want you to be happy so do whatever you need to in order to make yourself happy. Ok? Can you do that?”

Clarke wiped her eyes one last time before nodding. “Yeah, I think I can. Thanks guys. I love you both.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            A few weeks later Triku was in the midst of their season, playing a close fought game against the Lumineers from the College of Light. It had been back and forth between the two teams. Anya and Raven were holding the defense pretty steady for Triku but the Lumineers were providing their own stalwart defense. At half it was tied 0-0, with few shots coming from either side. Needless to say, the Triku team was disappointed when they headed into the locker room at half.

            “Alright guys, we haven’t played horribly but we haven’t played our best.” Lexa’s serious tone brought the teams attention back to their captain. “Raven, Anya and the rest of the back line; great job keeping them off the board. Clarke- you need to take more shots. Octavia- keep working the flanks. Niylah- great saves out there but you can sharpen up your decision making a little. You’re always going back to the right side of the field. You can spread it out a little. I need to be better too. All attacking players need to start getting that killer instinct and there will be no way they can handle us if we keep up our defense. Sound good?” The rest of the team cheered after their captain. “Alright, let’s get back out there and show them the grounder way!”

            The second half started with a renewed energy from both teams. While Triku started strong out of the whistle, the lumineers also held their defense strong and had a few great counter attacks against their foes. Niylah had been working on her decision making and while she still favored the right side of the field, she finally got a quick counterattack went to the left side, straight to Octavia’s feet in the 87th minute. Octavia took a few touches, beating one of the Lumineers players before looking up and seeing Clarke open in the middle of the field around the center circle. She felt a defender coming on her so she turned to her left and saw Lexa streaking by. She yelled “Heda!” before sending a pass her way, right in stride with her run. The Lumineers star center back, Emori, was closing in on the brunette who quickly took a touch to the right to create some space. Clarke watched the next few seconds in slow motion. Emori caught up to the brunette and decided to slide tackle her studs up. Lexa collapsed on the field immediately in a heap, clutching the ankle she had injured in preseason. The whistle blew and the referee showed Emori a straight red card who stood above Lexa just smirking at the girl writhing in pain on the ground.

            Clarke only saw red as she charged towards the COL player. “You bitch! Are you kidding me? What kind of dirty shit was that?” She stormed closer to the girl before she felt arms wrap around her, pulling her back. “What kind of fucking play was that? You fucking bitch get the fuck off the field before you’ll have to leave on a stretcher.”

            “Calm down Clarke. We don’t need you getting sent off too. Lexa wouldn’t want that. Can I let you go now or are you still going to go after that piece of garbage?” Clarke shrugged off Anya who had been holding her back and nodded that she was fine. “There ya go blondie. We need you out here right now.”

            Clarke ignored the rest of what the other girl had to say as she walked over to her captain. _Please be ok Lex. Please be ok. I can’t have you hurt- shit, I meant we. Like the team. Oh fuck, who am I kidding. I can’t have you hurt. I don’t want to lose you. Wait, Clarke. What do I mean by that? Well shit. I think I’m ready to take the next step and be in a relationship with this girl. I hate seeing her hurt and I still want to fucking kill that bitch. But first let me check on Lex._ She crouched down next to the brunette who was getting tended to by the training staff. Her eyes were still clenched shut in pain, hands balled into fists, and hair all over her face. Clarke looked at her for a second before wiping some of the hair out of her face. “Hey Lex. How are you feeling?” She asked her softly.

The brunette just grunted in return, face still screwed in pain. She finally managed to breathe out, “It hurts Clarke” pain completely clouding every word she said.

Clarke’s heart dropped at the girls’ admission. “Well commander, you need to go get that taken care of and we’ll go win this game for you okay?” When the brunette didn’t acknowledge her statement, Clarke took her hands and un-balled one of Lexa’s fists before taking her hand in her own. “You hear me Lex? We got this now. We’ll do it for you.”

Lexa nodded before whispering “stay” to the blonde. As she got loaded onto the stretcher, Clarke walked her over to the sideline, hands still clasped together. Before turning to walk away. “Wait. Clarke, wait.” She felt Lexa pull her back towards her and she looked at the other girl confused. Lexa pulled her hand from Clarke’s and grabbed the captains band from her sleeve. “You need your armband, Captain. Now go win the damn game.”

Clarke put the armband on and nodded towards her captain before walking back to the field and bringing her team together. “Alright girls, let’s do this for Lexa. She said, and I quote, ‘go win the damn game’ so let’s go fucking do this!”

The team had a renewed energy and got ready for the free kick just outside the 18. Clarke stepped up behind the ball and pointed to Octavia and nodded, indicating for her to make her run and be ready for the ball. _God, I hope this works_. She took a few steps back and raised her hand, ready to take the kick. She took a deep breath in and ran towards the ball.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            “And I’m telling you Lexa, I haven’t seen a free kick goal that brilliant since your freshman year against Azgeda! Blondie got a boot behind her. It just curved in near post upper ninety. It was beautiful!” Anya was giving Lexa the replay of Clarke’s 88th minute game winning goal on the free kick while Lexa sat on the couch of the soccer house, ankle wrapped and iced. The team was having a celebratory party after the close win. “Yo! Blondie! Get over here!” Lexa was pulled from her thoughts about her ankle when Anya called Clarke over to them.

            “Hey guys. Lexa, you okay? How’s the ankle?” Clarke smiled but showed concern in her eyes as she held her red cup close to her.

            “It’s ok. Doctor said nothing broken or sprained. Just a deep bruise on the bone. Not sure how long I’m out, it’ll depend on how quickly it heals.” Lexa tried to seem as positive as possible while inside she was terrified about going pro after this year with two ankle injuries in one season.

            Anya cut her out of her thoughts again. “But like damn Clarke. Who knew you had such a hot head on the field? Lexa, she was straight up Wanheda after you went down.” Lexa’s eyes shot up.

            Clarke just looked confused. “Wanheda?”

            Anya laughed and tried to explain. “So you know how Lexa here is Heda to our people?” Clarke nodded as she followed along. “Well in our language there’s also Wanheda. Wanheda means commander of death. Basically, I thought you were gonna kill Emori out there when Lexa went down.”

            Clarke grumbled “I wanted to. She deserved it.” Before walking away from the pair and downing her drink.

            A few hours later Lexa decided to venture off the couch and hobble around on her crutches to see what the rest of the team was up to. She would have vehemently denied that she was just looking for a particular blonde that she hadn’t seen in a few hours. As she made her way to where beer pong was being played she spied that specific blonde next to Niylah by the table. She paused watching the two interact, seemingly closer friends than she knew they were. _Come on Lexa, they’re teammates of course they’re friends._ Niylah put her hand on Clarke’s forearm before leaning forward and whispering into her ear causing Clarke to laugh her loud, full laugh. The corners of Lexa’s mouth turned up a little at the sound of her laugh before quickly turning downwards at the sight before her. _Clarke could do so much better than her though. Why Niylah?_ Suddenly Clarke started looking a little more uncomfortable next to the other girl. _What is Niylah doing now, I’m checking this out_. She started to crutch over to the two girls stopping as she heard Niylah say “Come on Clarke. I’m a keeper. I’m really good with my hands. I can show you how good if you want.”

Clarke almost choked on her drink as she heard the girls statement before looking up and seeing Lexa crutching out of the room. _I didn’t even notice her in here. I need to go talk to her about us._ Clarke started away from Niylah only to be cut off by Raven. “Clarke, why do you look guilty and why does Lexa looked like her week-old puppy got hit by a car?”

Clarke took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t know exactly why she’s upset but I have a feeling that she may have heard Niylah flirting with me.”

“What the fuck Clarke??? You were flirting with Niylah? No wonder she’s so upset.” Raven looked back at Clarke completely exasperated.

“No Rae, I did not flirt with Niylah. If you would have listened to me you would have heard that she was flirting with me. We were just talking and it was fun and a light conversation and then all of a sudden, she said that she was a keeper so I should know she’s good with her hands and she’d be willing to show me how good. Then I about choked on my drink and looked up and saw Lexa leaving the room.”

Raven doubled over laughing “Oh my God Clarke she actually said that? I thought that girl would have had better game than that. Holy shit that was so forward and so not smooth.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Enough Raven. Did you see where Lexa went?”

“Yeah, I think she headed towards her room in the back. Why?”

“I need to talk to her about us. I want to ask her on a date.”

“HELL YES CLARKEY! Go get your girl!”

Clarke walked by with her middle finger raised at the girl before reaching the doorway to Lexa’s room. _Come on Clarke. Woman up. Go get your girl._ As she walked in she saw Lexa lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, not moving, and not acknowledging anything happening around her. “Lex?”

Lexa finally turned her head towards Clarke who could see the red rim around her eyes, indicating that she had been crying. “Please go away Clarke. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Clarke’s face dropped before she turned around and started walking back towards the door. She got as far as the doorway before freezing. _Don’t fucking walk away from her Clarke. Don’t let her go again._ She turned back around and walked to the edge of the bed. “No. I need to talk to you so we’re going to fucking talk. Ok?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have their talk. The season continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I was going to post more often???? Yeah, sorry for the delay but this semester is kicking my ass. (I wrote this chapter while putting off a paper I have to write, studying for an exam I have to take, and preparing a presentation I have to give all in the next 3 days). Note to self: never take 20 credit hours and 8 classes ever again. But! In a few weeks my work load will go down significantly so I'll be able to have a little more time to devote to this (hopefully). Til next time!

Lexa’s eyes snapped up towards Clarke. “Did you not hear me? I don’t want to talk to you right now. Please leave. I won’t say please again.”

Clark stood her ground. “No, Lexa. Every fucking time something happens between us one of us runs away or avoids it. No more. We’re going to fucking talk about this. What the hell happened in there? I was going to talk to you and all of a sudden you were gone. Why did you leave?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “Well you seemed to be talking a lot with Niylah, I figured you were having a good time. Why would I interrupt such a _great_ conversation? Seems like she wanted to teach you a little bit about what it means to be a keeper. You know, good with her hands and stuff.” She winced as her tone came out much harsher than she’d hoped but her jealousy was still raging.

Clarke hesitated, taken aback by the tone the brunette girl used. “First of all, yes, I was talking to Niylah until she started hitting on me and made me extremely uncomfortable. Something you would have noticed if you would have paid attention.”

Lexa scoffed before mumbling under her breath, “Well she’s attractive so why not just go for her. It’s not like you’re dating anyone.”

Clarke glared at the other girl. “Don’t interrupt me again. Okay? Am I allowed to continue with what I was saying before?” She waited until the other girl nodded. “Anyway, like I was saying, I was very uncomfortable with her hitting on me.  Second of all, I don’t care how ‘attractive’ she is, I’m not interested and frankly, I’m kind of interested in someone else.” Lexa’s face dropped at her statement but Clarke didn’t notice. “Lastly, I wanted to talk to you. I still don’t know why you just left.” Lexa’s eyes dropped from the blonde’s face to the ground. Hoping she didn’t give away her feelings and that the other girl wouldn’t notice anything. She wasn’t too lucky. “Wait. Lex. Were you jealous because she was hitting on me?”

“What? No. Why would I be jealous?” Lexa quickly and nervously responded to the blonde. _Shit. I think I responded too quickly. Now she’ll know._ She immediately dropped her head and avoided the blonde’s gaze.

Clarke chuckled a little at how abrupt her response was. “Ok Lex. Whatever you say. It’s cute though.”

Lexa snapped her head up to meet Clarke’s eyes. “Wh-wh-what?”

“You heard me. I think it’s cute. I’m going to be completely honest here.” Lexa looked at her, holding her breath for what was coming next. Clarke took a deep breath herself, gaining the courage to say her next few words. “Lexa, I’m attracted to you. You’re beautiful, one of the most gorgeous people I know actually. I like you, a lot. And, if I’m basing anything off the fact that you kissed me a few weeks ago, I think you might like me too. At least I’m hoping you do because I said then that I wasn’t ready to be with anyone yet but I want to change that. Because I want to be with someone. Well not someone in general, I want to be with you. And if you’re not into me that’s fine but I will probably be- umph!”

Lexa cut off Clarke’s rambling with a kiss. The kiss was chaste and short because of both girls smiling into it. When they broke, Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke’s. “You’re cute when you ramble. And don’t worry, I like you too.” She smiled as she saw Clarke’s lips turn upwards at your comment.

After a second Clarke pulled back, still smiling. “So, Woods… Will you go on a date with me?”

Lexa smiled and nodded before adding, “I’d love to, Clarke” before smiling even wider as the blonde leaned forward to connect their lips one more time.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next week was busy as the team prepared for their upcoming game. Lexa, still on crutches, knew she would be out when the team next played, something that was killing her internally. But inside she knew it wasn’t just the soccer that was bugging her. It had been 6 days since Clarke asked her on a date and nothing had been said since then. They’d been flirty when they talked but no plans were made and the date hadn’t been brought up. _Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe she doesn’t want to go anymore. Stop, Lexa. Clarke isn’t like that. If she didn’t want to go anymore she would have told you. It’s been busy for her. Just because you can’t play and have no life right now doesn’t mean the same for her._

The next day was much of the same for the brunette. She sat on the bench while her team warmed up, ankle raised in front of her, silently pleading to whoever could hear her up there would heal her quickly and not let this ruin her future. _Please, I know it’s just an ankle but don’t let this be a continuous problem. I don’t want to have to go to law school yet. I haven’t reached my dreams yet._ When the teams’ warmup ended before the game, Clarke walked over to the girl sitting on the bench. “You ok Lex?”

Lexa pouted at the blonde in return. “I want to play.” Her pout became even more prominent as Clarke chuckled at her comment.

“I know you do Lex. But you gotta make sure you’re healed up so we have you for playoffs. That’s way more important. I want to win the college cup. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about this game in comparison. Just get healthy and then you can tear up the field.” She put her hand under the other girls’ chin, lifting her head until their eyes met. “And by the way, you’re missing a game against one of the weakest teams in the league. This isn’t going to affect you going pro or making the national team. You are so _good_ at this sport. It’s actually insane. Trust me. I mean I may be a _little_ biased.” She smiled as Lexa chuckled at her statement. “But, even if you missed the rest of this season- which you won’t- you’d be the first-round pick. You’d still get called up to the national team. You’d still kick ass.”

Lexa smiled at the girl squatting in front of her. “Thanks Clarke. Now, interim captain, go win the damn game.”

Clarke laughed as she stood up and mock saluted “Yes commander. And when we win, I’m taking you out on our date to celebrate.”

Lexa smirked before replying. “And if you lose?”

Clarke deadpanned. “We won’t. BUT if by some miracle, they beat us then I’m still taking you out to drown my sorrows of the game and have some good happen today. So, either way you’re going to have to pretty yourself up for a date.”

“Yes ma’am.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was almost comical how easy the game was for Triku. Clarke scored 3 in the first half, something that hadn’t ever been done in NCAA Division 1 women’s soccer before. Something that almost made Lexa reinjure her ankle from jumping up and celebrating with each goal. Something that with every shot that made its way to the back of the net she struggled to not yell “That’s my girl!” and was proud of herself from refraining because she didn’t even know what she and Clarke were. The second half was no better than the first for the other team. Octavia scored 2, one off an assist from Clarke, and Raven even added one of her own off a corner served in by none other than Clarke.

She stood in her bedroom getting ready for her date with the blonde, thinking of the girl, smiling as she remembered the blonde’s words when the game ended.

_When the whistle blew, the brunette got to her feet and began to crutch over to the rest of her team out on the field. She was met halfway with a pair of blue eyes looking at her and making her way towards her, beaming. She smiled at her before giving her a lingering hug and whispering. “I may have to give up my armband permanently if you’re leading this team to so many wins. And 8 points this game? Damn Griffin, you better be celebrating tonight.”_

_Clarke pulled back and smirked at the brunette. “Yeah, sorry hotshot. I have a hot date tonight. In fact, I should probably leave soon so I can get pretty before I pick her up.”_

_Lexa put her hand over her heart, feigning hurt, “Wow Griffin. You wound me. Beautiful, an amazing soccer player, and you have a hot date tonight? She better be worth your time. She doesn’t seem good enough for you. In fact, I’d bet she feels like the luckiest person in the world that she gets to go on a date with you.”_

_Clarke playfully slapped her shoulder. “Calm down tiger. Sorry you’re jealous of my date. But I’ll have you know that I consider myself the lucky one. Anyway Commander, I’ll see you later, I need to go get ready for my date.” The blonde winked as she walked away and headed to her car._

Lexa was shaken out of her trance by a knock on her door. _Shit I’m not ready yet._ She yelled out to the blonde on the other side of the door “Hey Clarke, come in- I’m not ready yet. I got distracted but I’ll be out in a second!” She heard the door open and close and about a minute later she double checked the mirror before being satisfied with how she looked. “Hey, sorry, you read- wow. You look great Clarke.” She stumbled as she saw the other girl in skinny jeans and a light blue top that showed off some of her cleavage. She was wearing light make up and had her hair wavy down around her shoulders.

Clarke turned red at Lexa’s words and smiled, obviously realizing her effect on the girl. “You too hotshot.”

Lexa cast her eyes down to the ground, shy at the words, looking at her boots, skinny jeans, and red and black flannel over a plain white shirt. “Thanks.” She mumbled to her date. “You ready? Where are we headed?”

Clarke took her arm before laughing. “It’s a surprise Lex. You’ll find out when we get there. But it’s close.”

She led the brunette to the car, hesitating when she felt the girl next to her stop. “What’s up?”

Lexa looked back and forth between the car and the blonde. “How did you get Lincoln to let you borrow his truck? He never lets me use it!”

Clarke smiled at her. “Well let’s just say I’m lucky he loves the girl I’m taking out like a sister and wants her to be happy and knows I needed his truck to help make that happen. Now, you ready to go?”

Lexa grabbed her hand while they stood at the front of the truck and squeezed. “I’d be happy going anywhere with you but thank you. Let’s go.”

Clarke started the car and drove away, immediately joining along to the songs on the radio. “Come on Lex, sing!” Lexa shook her head, not wanting Clarke to know she could actually sing yet and instead grabbed the blondes hand and kissed the back of it before intertwining their fingers and resting their joined hands in her lap.

Clarke continued to sing along for the next 30 minutes while Lexa just watched her in admiration until she noticed where they were. “A drive-in! I’ve never been to one of these! Clarke you’re the best!” The brunette lit up at the location and Clarke just laughed as she parked and watched the brunette eagerly unbuckled and threw her door open.

“Whoa there, tiger. We got some time. Let’s get the pillows and blankets set up and then we can grab food and hang out and talk before the movie starts.” Together they set up the bed of the truck and Clarke put the mobile radio in the back before they went to the concession stand to grab food.

When they came back Clarke settled at the back of the truck bed, patting the space between her legs to have her sit between her legs. Lexa smiled and got comfortable as Clarke hummed songs from the radio into her ears, arms wrapped around her stomach. When Clarke heard the notes of a popular song starting she turned her head into Lexa’s neck and smiled. “I love this song. It reminds me of you” she whispered into her ear before softly singing the song to the brunette.

 

_You know just what to say_  
Things that scare me  
I should just walk away  
But I can't move my feet  
  
The more that I know you, the more I want to  
Something inside me’s changed  
I was so much younger yesterday, oh  
  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo  
By the way, right away you do things to my body  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
  
Lexa closer her eyes as the blonde continued singing in her ear. Her smile wouldn’t leave her face. __  
  
By the way, right away you do things to my body  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
  
You know just how to make  
My heart beat faster  
Emotional earthquake  
Bring on disaster  
  
You hit me head on, got me weak in my knees  
Yeah, something inside me’s changed  
I was so much younger yesterday, aye  
So much younger yesterday, oh, yeah  
  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo  
By the way, right away you do things to my body  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
  
By the way, right away you do things to my body  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
You, yeah, 'til I tasted you  
  
By the way, right away you do things to my body  
I didn't know that I was starving 'til I tasted you  
  
The more that I know you, the more I want to  
Something inside me’s changed  
I was so much younger yesterday

 

Lexa turned around in front of Clarke and smiled at her as the song ended and brought their lips together. Her hand found the back of Clarke’s neck, pulling her closer, while Clarke’s hands found rest on her hips. Right as she swiped into Clarke’s mouth the radio next to them erupted with noise again as the movie started. The girls, laughed as they pulled apart, Lexa settling back in front of Clarke, bringing their hands together resting on her stomach and laying her head back on Clarkes shoulder as they watched the movie with smiles on their faces.

Lexa fell asleep in the passenger’s seat on the way back, hand holding onto Clarke’s and not letting go. “Hey, Lex. We’re back. You ready to go up?”

Clarke smiled as Lexa’s sleepy eyes opened. “Shit sorry for falling asleep Clarke.” She looked over at her date and poted. “I don’t wanna go up yet.”

“Come on sleepy, you’re tired. You need to get to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow though.”

“Will you at least walk me up?” Lexa put her best puppy dog face on, causing the blonde to laugh at her antics.

“Of course, Lex.”

They met at the front of the truck and walked and in hand to Lexa’s front door. When they got there the brunette paused at the door, key in the lock, before turning to her date. “It may be cheesy to say but I had an amazing time tonight. This was the best date I’ve ever been on. But next one is on me ok?”

Clarke smiled and nodded. “Deal. But for now, you need to get some sleep. And I need to give you a goodnight kiss before that happens.”

Lexa smiled and leaned in before brushing Clarke’s nose and connecting their lips. Clarke made sure to keep it chaste but lingering as she knew the brunette was tired. When she pulled away she kept her forehead against the other girls. “Goodnight Lex.”

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa opened her door, stepped in, and leaned against the locked door, smiling like an idiot. On the other side of the door, Clarke leaned her forehead against the locked door, smiling like an idiot as well. Both girls happier than they had felt in a long time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playoffs arrive and date #2 happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I suck at updating. I don't want to get into a lot but I had a lot of shit happen in my life and a few of my close friends and I've been dealing with that. I literally haven't had a chance to write and with the holidays plus finals my life is absolute chaos right now. I'm not super happy with this chapter but heres 1300 words which is more than has been written the last like 2 months.

A month flew by, with Triku clinching a spot in the postseason tournament, eager to make a run at the title. “Alright ladies, tomorrow is the first playoff game. I know we’re the top seed on our side but that does NOT mean you can take this game lightly. Seniors, I trust that you’ll be giving it your all since these are your last collegiate games?” She waited for the round of nods directed towards her. “Good, now speaking of seniors. We are a very senior-laden team. We are experienced. The girls who came from Ark U have won this whole thing twice before. They have winning experience. Triku has experience. Let’s use that. We have the knowledge of what needs to be done to win so let’s go out there tomorrow and get that first step. Magic number is 6 for that trophy. Let’s go do this.”

            The team cheered as Indra wrapped up her speech following their last practice. Everyone on the team felt the urge to win. The need to hoist the trophy at the end of the season was greater than ever.

            The next day the tension was there. The team could feel the excitement and the nervousness, all hoping that this wouldn’t be their last game.

            “Hey Griffin.” Lexa called as the team started walking away to take the field. She couldn’t help the smile that reached her face when the other girl looked up at her, beaming. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

            Clarke grinned even more before responding. “Nothing that I know of, why? Celebratory party for the team if we win?”

            Lexa shook her head. “I mean I’d like to celebrate this win I know we’ll get but I was hoping it’d just be the two of us. Second date on me?” Her voice got higher and higher as she got more and more nervous that Clarke would reject her.

            “Of course, Lex. Let’s go win this game first” Clarke started to jog past her, slapping her butt on her way and leaving a beet red Lexa behind.

            “This girl will be the death of me” the brunette mumbled before joining her teammates on the field.

            The game was a joke. Being the top seed, the bottom seed in their region just didn’t put up a fight. Triku went up 3-0 in the first half with a brace from Lexa and a goal from Raven before Clarke sealed her brace in the second half and Octavia added one of her own. A 5-0 win in the first round was nothing to scoff at but everyone on the team wasn’t taking it for granted that they made it to the next round.

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             “Hey Clarke, I’m heading your way now. You ready?” Lexa called her to remind her, knowing she may have forgotten in the excitement of winning their game.

            “Yeah, I’m ready. You said casual was the dress code right?”

            “Yeah, that’s perfect. I’ll see you soon. Bye”

            “Bye, babe.” Clarke froze as she hung up. _Fuck. I did not just ‘babe’ her did I? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Maybe she didn’t hear it. I said it right before we hung up so maybe it cut off before she could hear it. God I hope so. Fuck me. Why can’t I just be normal? Why did I have to do this when we aren’t even an official couple?_

            Meanwhile Lexa was freaking out on her side, for different reasons. _Did she just call me babe? I mean, I don’t hate it. I actually like it. A lot. And I haven’t been called babe since Cos. Shit. I’m really moving on aren’t I? Does this mean she’s my girlfriend? Fuck, we need to talk about this._

            Lexa pulled up to Clarke’s apartment, cautiously walking up to the door and knocking. When the blonde opened the door, wearing a simple outfit of jeans, tennis shoes, and a t shirt, Lexa smiled. “Hey _babe_ ” She chuckled as Clarke threw her hand to her face and groaned.

            “Ugh, why would you make fun of me? It just came out I’m sorry. I’m the worst I know.”

            Lexa took her hand from her face and held it. “Hey, don’t be upset. I had to make fun of you a little bit but don’t worry about it. I liked it, okay? You can call me that. Who knows, I may do the same thing.”

            Clarke smiled at the words and quickly dragged the other girl out to the car. “Alright, let’s go before I make a fool of myself again and you leave me before we even go on this date.”

            Lexa laughed as she allowed herself to be dragged along.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

            “YES! Clarke, I did it! Did you see that babe?” Lexa fist pumped and celebrated pointing to where her golf ball was in the cup after 8 tries on the first hole. Clarke tried to hide her smile at Lexa freely calling her babe. As Lexa turned around, beaming she froze. “No. You were NOT recording that! Come on Clarke, you have to delete that! I can’t be embarrassed like this.”

            Clarke laughed, “No can do Lex. You know, I thought you were just naturally good at everything but damn this is hole 1 and you’re already embarrassing me. Maybe I need to look at other options to kiss.”

            They continued playing, Lexa struggling the entire time before Clarke started laughing again at the thought of the video. She stopped before the last hole, unable to control her laughter thinking of her girls reaction to getting the ball in after 8 strokes.

Lexa pouted in response to the blonde. “Claaaaarrkeeeee. Come on. Please? People can’t know that I’m not good. I’m the commander.”

            Clarke doubled over laughing. “Babe you did not just refer to yourself as the commander. That’s even better than the video!” She kept laughing as Lexa crossed her arms and frowned. “I’ll tell you what, if you can get through the last hole in 4 strokes I’ll give you a prize.”

            Lexa looked determined as she stepped up to the mat, oblivious to Clarke pulling her phone out again. She started recording as the brunette slowly looked over the hole, walking up to the windmill in the middle and getting on the ground to observe the interior before walking back, thinking of her plan of action.

            Clarke kept recording as Lexa had her first two strokes done, seemingly much better than anything she’d done on the previous 8 holes. She watched as the brunette took a deep breath before lining up her 3rd stroke.

            “YES! I did it Clarke! Pay up! I want my prize! I did it in UNDER 4 strokes so it better be- uumph” Lexa’s celebration was cut short as Clarke cut her off with a kiss. The brunette smiled and quickly returned the kiss.

            “How’s that for a prize?” Clarke mumbled against her lips, smiling.

            “I like that prize a lot. I would have done every hole in 4 strokes or less if that would have been the prize.”

            Clarke laughed a full laugh and Lexa lit up at the sound. “Babe you would not have been able to do that.” She pecked the other girl on the lips before continuing. “But I’m glad you’re confident.” She forgot her phone was still recording and she looked down and stopped the recording. “Oh shit!”

            Lexa groaned and rolled her eyes. “Again Clarke? Why do you find this so entertaining?”

            Clarke chuckled. “You’ll have plenty of ways to get me back. Besides, I think this one will be cute.”

            Lexa smiled and pulled her in for a long kiss. “Let’s go back to my place. Movie and pizza?”

            Clarke nodded her head vigorously. “Mmmmmm yes please!”

            Lexa took her hand and led her to her car. “Hey babe? Can you send me that video?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More playoffs. Clarke talks with Raven and Octavia, Lexa has a talk with Anya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this wasn't a week like I said.... I'm heading back to school in a few days so I'll TRY to get another chapter out before then but this chapter was only 3000 words and took me two full days to write so.... we'll see. If it's not before then it'll hopefully be pretty soon since I won't have much to do once I'm back at school. Happy New Year to everyone!

 “Alright girls, today is the quarterfinals against Mount Weather. To be honest they’re a good team who isn’t here by accident. Some of you older girls may remember Maya, a sophomore on their team- she looked at coming to Triku when she was being recruited. She’s a solid midfielder. I know we have better. Our defense needs to be tough. Niylah we need steady hands, catch everything possible, leave little to no rebounds. Our attack needs to be sound. We need to be quick on getting up and lethal in our shots. If the game is close watch out for their assistant coach Cage Wallace. Their team isn’t inherently dirty but there are a few players who are like his loyal followers and he’s a dirty coach. If he pulls girls aside be ready for them to have some dirty tackles and plays. Now. Let’s go get to the semis!”

The team was amped up after Lexa’s speech and ran out onto the field for warmups after their leader. They quickly settled into stretches and warmup drills before it was time to head back into the locker room to change. They changed in silence but everyone could feel the electricity in the locker room, despite no one talking. As they prepared to walk back out to the field Lexa hung back, sitting on the locker room bench nervously playing with her hands. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up, smiling as she was met with the blue eyes of the girl she cared so much about. “Clarke? What are you doing here? You should be going to the field.”

Clarke smiled at her “Well my captain is nervous and I’m guessing it’s because this could be your last game and you’re nervous because Cage is dirty and you think he’s gonna send someone to go after your ankle. And if your ankle gets hurt that this would be your last game even if we win and you’re also afraid if you get hurt that you think you’ll ruin any chance of getting drafted or making the national team. I’m just guessing here though.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. “How did you know?” She was more afraid of her ankle getting reinjured and not getting to reach her goals than anything else. She had been checking her law school applications daily because she was so nervous that her soccer career would be finished after her last college game and getting drafted would be a long shot. All because of her damn ankle.

“Lex, I know you. I know you’re scared of not being able to go pro. I know, especially since you’ve hurt your ankle twice that you’re afraid you’ll hurt it and be done. I know you’re afraid. But I’m here to tell you not to let it affect your game. When you play afraid you’ll get hurt. When you play afraid you don’t play your best. And you’re too fucking good for that Lex. You’re too fucking good to not play your best, to play afraid. The team needs you out there. _I_ need you out there.” Clarke stepped forward to the other girl and cupped her cheeks. “I know you’re afraid, babe, but play with the confidence of the cocky asshole I fell for. Besides,” She leaned towards the girl before she whispered in her ear, “I’ll reward you after the game if you play like you should.”

Lexa shivered before she regained her senses and pecked the blonde’s lips. Hovering over her lips she murmured “Thank you, Clarke. I needed that. Now let’s go win the damn game.” With one last kiss to the blonde in front of her she got up and grabbed her hand before dragging her out of the locker room.

The two of them joined their teammates on the field before taking the field of what they would remember as one of their favorite games. From the start of the first whistle, Triku controlled the game. The Raven-Anya center back duo for Triku was virtually impenetrable, and the few looks that the mountain men had were off frame. Octavia was streaking up and down the wings like a maniac. Lexa was controlling the attack from her position as a 10 and Clarke’s shots were leading to the question of when, not if, she would get a goal. But as great and sound as Triku was, after 45 minutes of play, they found themselves deadlocked in a scoreless game.

“Okay girls, we’re fine. We really just need to do what we’re doing and it’ll go our way. I know I typically have things to fix or some sort of hype-up speech but honestly we don’t need it. If we keep playing our game we’ll get it done. Now let’s go win the damn game!” Lexa’s short speech wasn’t meant to hype the team up but it did. They came out of the halftime break with renewed energy and an added fight, hoping this wouldn’t be their last game.

Unfortunately for them, the Mountain Men also came out newly hyped up. Lexa met Cage’s eyes before the half started and fear crossed her eyes as she saw a smirk. A smirk that told her someone from their team was coming for her. “Relax Lex.” She heard a familiar, soothing voice come from next to her. “Play your game. Play how you play, smart and controlled, and he won’t be able to get anyone near you. You’ll be fine, babe.” Lexa nodded her head at the blonde’s words and got ready for the half to begin.

20 minutes into the second half fatigue looked like it was setting in slightly. Octavia’s runs weren’t as well timed or as fast as they were in the first half. Clarke’s shots were starting to get more and more off frame. Ravens recovery runs were slower and slower each time. Yet, Triku still had control. Maya was mounting a run for the Mountain Men, beating Triku defenders left and right. As Raven engaged her just outside the 18, she faked a cut to the left before giving a touch right and taking her shot. Niylah got a late jump on the shot and the grounders’ hearts fell as they watch the ball soar into the back of the net in the upper 90 of the goal. Lexa gathered her team before they started play again. “Alright girls. Less than 20 minutes. 2 goals. I know you’re tired but let’s fucking do this!”

As they restarted play, Lexa knew it was up to her to get the game back. She received a pass from Anya and started streaking up the field. She saw Clarke making her run towards the box and Octavia making hers down the sideline. _If I can get the ball to O, she’ll have the perfect angle to set up Clarke. But I also want to get an assist for Clarke._ Her split second thoughts ended and she sent the ball up the sideline to Octavia. The brunette took a few touches before looking up and seeing the blonde making her run towards the goal. Octavia’s ball soared perfectly for Clarke’s far post run and she volleyed it into the back of the net before the keeper knew what was happening.

“YES CLARKE!!” Octavia yelled and jumped into a hug with the blonde not letting go until Raven jumped on them both, joining in the celebration.

“My roommates are rock stars!” The other roommate yelled before letting go as their captain approached the three of them.

“Nice cross, O. Now let’s go you three. We have 15 minutes to get another one and move on.” Lexa looked at all three of them seriously before smiling at the blonde and pulling her in for a quick hug. “Way to go Clarke. I’m proud of you babe.”

Clarke reciprocated the hug before pulling away. “Yeah? Well I believe you still need to score in the game if you want to get a reward tonight Commander.” As she began to jog back to midfield she chuckled looking back at the flustered brunette.

_This girl is going to be the death of me_. She shook her head and smiled as she joined her teammates ready for the Mountain Men to start play. When she looked at Cage, whispering with one of his players, she grew nervous and hoped they would pull out the win without anyone, especially her, getting hurt.

The next 10 minutes passed with both teams evenly matched, the ball never really getting into either teams’ attacking third. 10 minutes had passed since the goal and neither team really had a shot to score another. Mount Weather was getting choppier, more reckless in their tackles, more aggressive in their pushing, and a few fouls were committed after the whistle. But during that time, Lexa and the rest of the grounders were thankful, nothing was too hard or tough that they had any injuries to add to their team.

Lexa gained control of the ball about 10 yards from the box. She saw a gap and started dribbling towards the goal, reading where her teammates were with every step she took. Suddenly she heard one voice yelling at her “Lexa! Watch out!” before she saw a jersey from Mount Weather streaking towards her. Quickly she shot the ball forward in the air before leaping over the slide tackle aimed at her bad ankle. She still caught a little bit of the leg of the player who tackled her and fell forward on her stomach. She looked up from the ground just in time to see Clarke head the ball in the back of the net. _That’s my girl_. Lexa felt so much pride as she scrambled up and ran to the striker who was looking back at her and pointing her thanks. “Lex! What a pass! And look who isn’t playing scared anymore!” Clarke was beaming as they ran into a hug with each other.

“Thanks for the heads up about the girl coming at me. And I’m nothing impressive, you’re the one who has a brace in this game. Now let’s finish this up so we can go to the semis.” The next few minutes passed with a heated game but Mount Weather looked tired and as though they had given up while Triku had their energy renewed after their last goal.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Indra stood, watching her team get ready for their semifinal game against the City of Light Lumineers. “Great game yesterday ladies. Now this is a quick turnaround but we all know this team will be no easy task. Now,” She narrowed her eyes at her captain, “we play strong. We play smart. We do not play timid.” She swept her eyes across the rest of her team as she continued. “We are one win away from making the championship. We are also one loss away from our season being over and I know none of you are ready for it to end. I’m not ready for it to end. We’ve played this team before and we beat them. We know we can win. But we know this is a tough win. Don’t get cocky. Play your game. Focus on the fundamentals and this game is ours. Let’s go ladies.”

The team ran out onto the field ready to go and it showed in the first few minutes. The Lumineers were good, but no match for the energy Triku had. Five minutes into the game Octavia had put the grounders on the board with a beautiful pass from Lexa. The goal seemed to ignite something in both teams and the Lumineers began to step up their game. But at half the grounders found themselves ahead by a goal.

When the second half started, it was deadlocked. Emori was single handedly keeping City of Light in the game and the grounders were not backing down their stalwart defense. With the final seconds ticking down, Lexa felt herself getting hopeful. Hopeful that her inability to win the title would finally change that year. She found herself cheering once more right before the whistle blew when her favorite blonde, favorite person really, put the ball in the back of the net, sealing the game. As soon as the final whistle blew she found herself sprinting towards the girl before wrapping her arms around her from behind, lifting her up and spinning her around. “You’re amazing.” She breathed out after she set her back on the ground.

Clarke blushed. “We’re going to the ship, Lex!” She threw her arms around the brunette’s neck.

Lexa laughed as she reciprocated the hug. “Yeah we are babe. Maybe you, Rae, and O can teach this team a few things about what it means to be a national champ. You’ve had that high before.”

The hug ended and Clarke looked Lexa square in the eye before saying “This year would be better than two years ago. This year would mean winning with you there with me.”

Lexa worked up the courage to say something back to the blonde before being interrupted by the rest of their teammates charging them and tackling them into a dog pile, led by Octavia’s yell of “We’re back bitches!” aimed towards Raven and Clarke.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke met Raven and Octavia in their room before they went to dinner to celebrate making the finals. When she knocked on their door and saw raven in pajama shorts and a T-shirt she halted before walking in. “Why don’t you look ready to leave? I literally came down here late to give you extra time.”

“So about going out and celebrating…. We’re going to have a pizza night in and talk, okay?” Raven rubbed the back of her neck as she hoped the blonde would agree.

“What are we talking about?”

“We’re going to talk about Lexa. Well, you and Lexa to be precise.”

Clarke scoffed. “Why us? There’s nothing to talk about.”

Raven rolled her eyes and yelled for Octavia to join them, waiting until the brunette joined before continuing. “O, she doesn’t think there’s anything for us to talk about.”

Octavia began laughing “Oh honey, yes there is. There’s the fact that you to are so obviously in love with each other but can’t even call the other your girlfriend. There’s the fact that for some reason you two are so scared to put a label on this. There’s the fact that you’re scared but this may be one of the best things to happen to you both. So yes, there are things to talk about and we’re going to being with why you’re so scared.”

Clarke sighed, not happy with the topic of conversation but knowing she wouldn’t escape it. “I like her. I do. I really think I’m falling for her but I’m too afraid to call her my girlfriend. It’s all I want. I want to call her mine. I want to call her my girlfriend. But I’m too afraid she’ll run away from it. Our lives are going to be entwined whether we’re together or not. I haven’t told her this but as soon as the seasons over and it’s available, I’m going to put my name in for the NWSL draft.” Raven and Octavia beamed at her, knowing there was a chance that the three of them could all go pro together. “But what if she doesn’t want to do long distance? She’s so closed off half the time I never know what she’s really thinking. I know she likes me but does that go past casual dating? I’m so far in but I don’t know where she’s really at.”

Raven cut her off before she could ramble too much. “Clarke, trust me, that girl is crazy about you. She’s cold and closed off but not when she’s with you. Just talk to her and I’m sure you’ll walk out of that conversation with a girlfriend and someone who is more excited than you about you putting your name in the draft.”

Octavia piped up. “Raven’s right. And I know it might not change anything but she really is crazy about you. Like lesbihonest, you two are both crazy about each other and it’s disgusting but also cute and low key Lincoln and I made a bet about when you would start calling each other your girlfriend so please do it within the next week so I can win.” The three girls laughed and turned on the TV as they waited for their pizza to arrive.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Anya? You ready to go?” Lexa walked into Anya’s room, ready for dinner only to see the other girl on the phone and pointing to her bed. She sat down and waited for the phone call to end. “What’s up Ahn?”

“I just ordered some pizza, we’re staying in. We need to have a little chat.”

Lexa looked baffled by the other girl. “What’s wrong? What’s this chat about?”

Anya just looked at her before replying. “Clarke.”

“What about her?”

Anya sighed before continuing. “Look Lexa. I didn’t like that girl to begin with but she’s good for you. And I know you two are going on dates and stuff but we need to talk about what your thoughts are. And by we I really mean you because I know you and I know not talking to anyone about how you feel is killing you.”

Lexa ran her hands through her hair. “It’s just like I like her you know? And it scares the hell out of me. Because what if she leaves? What if she’s just gone in an instant? I couldn’t handle that again.” Lexa’s eyes held unshed tears when she met Anya’s eyes.

“Lexa, Clarke isn’t Cos. And Cos didn’t leave you. She was taken from you. You’re allowed to be upset by that. But Clarke is worth taking that chance. This could be life-changing. I know it is because she’s already changed your life. You’re happy, Lexa. Truly happy for the first time since high school. Clarke won’t leave. Take the chance Lexa. Take the chance on happiness because if it doesn’t work out, sure it’ll suck but if it does it’s worth everything in the world.”

Lexa wiped her eyes before giving her best friend a rare hug. “Thanks, Anya. You’re the best friend I could have asked for.”

Anya pulled away from the hug smiling before her face set. “Lexa, you know we’re playing Azgeda in the finals, right?” She saw her friend grimly nodding her head. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I hope so.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Championship game is here. Clarke and Lexa talk after the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long... I wasn't entirely happy with writing it so I sat on it for like a week plus before I decided to just put it up. Anyway, towards the end of the chapter things get a little deep and kind of tough so if you're sensitive to anything like that just be warned: it'll come after the game.

The day of the championship had come. The day Lexa had been dreaming about for years. Yes, she had been to them before, but she’d fallen short twice. Not this year. Not when the team she had lost to was part of her team now. They would win this game and she would get revenge against Azgeda.

She stared at herself in the mirror of the locker room, eyes stone cold, as she applied eye black to her face. When she finished, she passed the eye black to her teammates and took a seat on the bench. Head in her hands she stayed silent and motionless until she felt a person sit beside her and wrap an arm around her. She relaxed slightly at the touch, knowing who it was, but her emotions were too high. “How are you doing commander?” The blonde girl rubbed her back as she looked genuinely concerned.

“I’m fine, Clarke.” She winced as her tone came out much harsher than she wanted to and she watched as Clarke’s face moved from surprised to upset in a fraction of a second.

“Ooo-kay. If that’s how you’re going to be today I’m just going to leave.” Clarke immediately got up and walked over near Raven and Octavia while Lexa shook off her emotions and stood up, ready to gather her teammates.

“Alright ladies, this is it. This is THE game we’ve been waiting for. We aren’t here by luck. We’re here because of our hard work and our grit and our determination. So, let’s continue that now.” Lexa paused and looked at Anya before continuing, “We need to watch Azgeda. They have a few dirty players who don’t care if they get carded or thrown out as long as they injure someone. They’re ruthless and don’t care as long as they get what they set out to do. If we play our game and look out for them we’ll be champions for sure.” Her eyes swept over her teammates knowing this would be the last game she played as a grounder. “I have loved every second of playing with all of you this season and the last four years. Being a grounder has meant the world to me and so has sharing the field with each of you. But we’ve reached our final game together and this is the team I believe the most in.” She looked over at Clarke who sat looking impassive before she kept talking. “I have absolutely loved having the Ark U girls join our team. You girls motivated us with your experience in winning the championship twice and you have changed my life for the better.” Her eyes broke away from Clarke after her final admission, knowing she would get much more emotional if she kept looking. “So, what do you say, grounders? Let’s go win us a championship!”

The team went crazy as they ran out of the locker room and onto the field. Before she could leave, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s wrist in an attempt to stop her. “Clarke, babe, I’m sorry. I was rude and harsh and I didn’t mean to be. I honestly didn’t know I was going to be that upset about this game but here we are.” She paused as Clarke just looked back at her, unimpressed with her apology. “Look, can we just talk after this game? Win or lose, I want to talk this through with you after the game. I’ll explain everything. It may take a bit but I want to tell you because I- because you’re you.” Lexa stopped and looked at Clarke who suddenly looked very interested in what she was about to say before she changed her sentence.

Clarke rubbed her hand over her face before sighing. “I’m not happy with how you treated me when I did nothing wrong. But I’ll let you explain. Now, can we put this all aside babe? I want to go win a very important soccer game right” She was cut off as Lexa threw her arms around her midsection, lifted her up, and twirled her around all eliciting a bright laugh from the blonde. “There’s my happy commander. Let’s go win, babe.”

The game was hard fought from the start. Both teams battled back and forth and the ball rarely reached either teams attacking third. When the first half had ended, both teams were tired and dejected. As Lexa headed towards their locker room she heard someone trying to get her attention. “Hey Woods!”

As she turned around she seethed when she saw the person who called her name. “Nia. What do you want?”

Nia laughed as she walked towards the grounder captain. “Just wanted to see how you’ve been lately. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.” She looked behind Lexa to see Clarke looking at her worriedly. “Seems to me like you’re doing pretty well. You always did like blonde’s, isn’t that right?”

Lexa stepped towards her again, finger pointing into the other girl’s chest. “Shut the FUCK up, Nia. You don’t know who you’re talking to or what you’re dealing with. I’m not the same person and I’m not the same player. Enough talking, we’ll deal with this on the field next half hmm?” With one last slight shove, she spun on her heels and walked towards Clarke. As she quickly met Clarke’s scared eyes before looking back down and whispering “later” as she strode passed, leaving the blonde confused.

The second half started much like the first, with tension rising as every second passed. Lexa and Nia battled furiously in the midfield. With every battle won and lost by each they grew more and more aggressive. After a clean tackle from Lexa on Nia, securing the ball for her team she let out the breath she had been holding and began to make her run as Octavia took the ball down the wing. Octavia’s cross couldn’t have been more perfect and Clarke tracked it all the way, timing her jump for her header perfectly. She never saw where the ball ended up. She never saw the goalie coming out but distinctly felt gloves punching her face before it went black.

As she came to, she first saw the green eyes she loved and a muffled voice calling her name “Clar- Clark- Clarke!” She focused in on the green eyes who gave her a smile before getting up, leaving Octavia and Raven to look after her.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ontari? You could have killed her! You’re so fucking lucky she’s awake or you’d be dead.” Lexa started heading towards the other keeper, fists balled before Anya stepped in to stop her. “Let me go Anya.”

“No, Heda. You’re going to make a huge mistake if you go after her. Prove it on the field. Don’t let your emotions rule this. Clarke is okay. Look at her.” Lexa glanced back to see the trainer checking out the blonde, seeming impressed by her responses to the concussion test being administered. “She’s okay Lex. You’re not going to lose her. You won’t be losing anyone else, okay? Now obviously Clarke can’t take this pk so it’s up to you. Separate your feelings from this and bury it.”

Lexa nodded her head and after she saw Clarke heading to the sideline, thumbs up on her way off, she stepped up to the spot and took a deep breath. _For Cos. For Clarke. For this team._ She knew Ontari. She knew her weaknesses as a keeper and she knew the keeper couldn’t dive to her left. She looked across the goal before sending a screaming ball on the ground to the bottom corner. Ontari guessed wrong and Lexa felt her teammates slam into her back in celebration. She smiled and pointed to Clarke who was jumping up and down on the sidelines before patting over her heart and pointing to the sky. She turned to jog back into position “Let’s go ladies, 7 more minutes in this game. Let’s buckle down on defense.”

Nia was looking for vengeance when play restarted. Azgeda tore towards the Triku goal, completing short pass after short pass, moving up the field. As Nia received a pass at the top of the 18, Lexa cut down on the space to challenge her for the ball. She was playing aggressive and she knew it. Too aggressive as it turned out. As she sprinted towards Nia to steal the ball, the other girl countered with a little move that allowed her to beat Lexa and rip a shot from the top of the box. Niylah had no chance on the shot and with a little over 3 minutes left, Triku found themselves in a tie game.

As Clarke subbed back in for the final 3 minutes, passing the concussion test, she ran up to Lexa and made the girl look at her. “Hey, Lex, you’re fine. We still have 3 minutes to beat them so put a smile on your pretty little face and let’s go win. Okay?” Lexa’s face lit up at the blonde’s words and nodded. Triku restarted and immediately put pressure on Azgeda’s half of the field. They ripped shots left and right but Ontari either stopped them or they were off frame.

Lexa heard the stadium announcer announce a minute left in the game. _This is not going to overtime. We win this now_. “Let’s Go!” She yelled as she saw Octavia streaking up the sidelines. As the brunette started to cut in towards the center of the field Lexa noticed Nia charging in, ruthlessly. “O, watch out behind you!” She tried to get her attention but was too late. About 25 yards from the goal Nia slide tackled Octavia causing the other girl to go flying. “Come on ref! She could hurt someone like that!” She immediately sprinted over to Octavia to help her up before turning to Nia, snarling. “You bitch. I get that you don’t like me but you don’t get to take it out on my people.”

Nia smiled almost too sweetly. “Oh Lexa, I think we both know I can. And I have before, haven’t I?”

Lexa growled as she stepped towards the other girl, ready to fight before Clarke grabbed her from behind and whispered in her ear. “Lex. Not here. Not now. There are 10 seconds left. This is our chance. Please don’t do anything stupid. I need you on this field okay? We’re winning this together and I need you on this field if that’s going to happen.” She turned her around and took her face in her hands “Lex, you need to answer me so I know I can let you go so we can go win this.” She smiled as Lexa nodded and stepped away.

Clarke walked over to the spot of the foul and smirked as the ref pulled out a yellow against Nia. _Not that it matters being the last game but at least they’re disciplining her._ She set the ball down and scouted the environment. Octavia, Lexa, and Raven were all getting ready to make their post runs. Anya hanging back to clean up anything that might be cleared out. She looked at the clock showing 10 seconds. _You got this Clarke_. She pointed to Lexa off the far post and nodded, hoping she would get the clue. She heard Azgeda shouts as they began to double their players on Lexa. She took a deep breath, raised her arm, and ran to the ball. Ontari pointed towards the runners as the ball was struck but she was too late. Clarke surprised them all. Instead of a back post served ball it was a rocket to the upper 90 near post. A true beauty of a strike.

Immediately she was flooded by her teammates tackling her to the ground. As they slowly got up she was met with arms flying around her midsection and being lifted up and spun by her favorite brunette (though she’d never tell Octavia or Raven that to their faces) before being set down “You did it, Clarke. I’m so proud of you.”

Clarke blushed and returned the hug before stepping back. “Still 9 seconds on the clock, Lex. It’s not finished yet.” She was technically right, but Azgeda was deflated and the last 9 seconds went by easily. When the whistle blew, Clarke dropped to her knees and looked up at the sky. “I did it dad. I did it again, one last time. Wells and Finn, I did this one for you.” She got off the ground and saw Lexa pat her heart and point to the sky just like she did after her pk. She smiled as she watched the other girl approach Anya and pull her into a tight hug, tears falling as they finally realized their dream of being champions in their final season.

She was pulled out of her watching when Octavia and Raven body slammed her in a hug. “WE DID IT CLARKEY! 3 TIME CHAMPS!” She joined them in the screaming, yelling, madness, dancing around the field. Truly happy to celebrate another championship with her best friend.

When their yelling died down and her best friends let her go she laughed as they began running around the field. She turned around when she felt a hand on her shoulder and was met with unshed tears about to spill over from Lexa’s eyes. Without saying a word, the brunette pulled her into a tight hug, burying her face into Clarke’s neck. “We did it Princess. YOU did it. Thank you. Thank you for being you and letting all of us at Triku reach our dreams.” She murmured into Clarkes neck, a little muffled by her skin.

Clarke shivered at the feel of Lexa’s lips on her neck but ignored the feeling to hug her tighter. She turned her head slightly to whisper into her ear “You did it, Lex. You led this team, all of us, to here. I’m so fucking proud of you babe. You deserve this.” When she finished, she felt her neck dampening from tears that had fallen. She squeezed the midfielder in her arms one last time and smiled as she felt a small kiss to the skin where Lexa’s face met her neck before stepping away. “Alright, hot stuff. Let’s go celebrate with our team.”

She only took a few steps before she felt a hand on her wrist. “Hey, 13, I don’t know if you heard this but I scored tonight.”

Clarke looked at her confused. “I know Lex, I’m the one who got fouled to give you the pk.”

Lexa just smirked, “Who said anything about getting a goal? I scored because I get to hang out with a hot blonde after this.” Clarke laughed and playfully slapped her arm before walking away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the game, both girls found themselves in their room, unsure of how to begin the conversation. Lexa looked over at Clarke and patted the bed next to her before starting. “Well, I guess we should get this going. I’m going to start by saying sorry for how I acted earlier today. It was uncalled for and you didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that or treated like I treated you.” She met Clarke’s eyes. “You never deserve any of that to happen to you.” She looked back down and started playing with her hands until Clarke took her own hands and covered Lexa’s. “It’s kind of a long story but I’ve told you part of it before so it’ll make it go quicker. Remember when I was in your hospital room after the accident?” She waited for Clarke to nod. “Do you remember what I told you about Costia?” Clarke gulped and slowly nodded. “Well, I went to high school with Ontari and Nia from Azgeda. We were all on the same team and my sophomore year I began to date Costia, a girl in my grade. She didn’t play soccer but she was a cheerleader. We were in love, or as in love as you can be in high school. We talked about going to college together. She said she’d go wherever I got a scholarship if I was allowed to complete my duties as Heda from afar. She told me she’d follow me to the end of the world, wherever my soccer career took me. She wanted to be a writer so she said she could just work from wherever we lived. Well, obviously that didn’t happen.” Lexa got a bit choked up being brought back to high school.”

Clarke broke through her train remembering. “Hey, Lexa, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Or if you can’t. Don’t make yourself too uncomfortable. Don’t force yourself to tell me. I’ll be here when or if you ever truly are.”

Lexa shook her head. “No, I need to tell you. I need you to know. Anyway, Nia and Ontari aren’t exactly the most likeable people as you could probably tell.” Lexa smiled when Clarke scoffed at her statement. “They hated that I was dating Costia. To this day, I truly don’t know if it was because it was Cos or if it was because she was a girl. I guess I’ll never know. But they tried to make our lives hell. More me than her. Taunting me and saying shit at practice. Whatever they could do. But one night they took it too far. I took Cos to dinner followed by a concert for our year anniversary and that’s the night everything changed. We cut through an alley on our way back to my car and all of a sudden I felt something hit the back of my head and then it all went black. When I woke up I couldn’t really move but I saw Cos on the ground, completely bloodied and screaming, while I couldn’t do anything but watch. Nia was on my back holding me down while Ontari beat the shit out of her. I kept yelling her name, yelling help, anything to get someone to see what was happening but no one came. Finally, I heard her calling my name, trying to get my attention. When I looked at her she just said she loved me. She kept repeating ‘I love you Lex’ and I couldn’t do anything to help her.” Lexa shuddered as she tried to hold back tears. She lasted a few seconds before she convulsed in tears. “I watched Ontari kill her Clarke.” She croaked out.

Clarke immediately wrapped her arm around the crying girls shoulder and pulled her into her own chest. “Shhh, Lex, I’m here okay?” She rubbed her back until she seemed to calm down, but still refusing to lift her head from Clarke’s chest. Clarke, still rubbing her back, started talking again. “Can I ask you a question?” Lexa nodded, her crying having subsided to sniffling. “Why didn’t you go to the police? Why didn’t you tell someone? You’re Heda so couldn’t you have done something yourself?”

Lexa slowly raised her head up, “Most of that was Titus’ recommendation.” Clarke growled at the thought of the man, someone who she had never met but only heard bad things about. “Don’t be upset with him, he was looking out for my people. Head over heart. I was in the middle of creating an alliance of the 12 tribes that fall under rule of Heda. Before I took over it was constant battle between them. Nia and Ontari weren’t actually part of my original Polis tribe, they’re part of the Azgeda tribe, hence their choice of college. But their parents are leaders in the Azgeda tribe. If I got one or both of them arrested or punished, the entire alliance would have failed. I had no choice.”

Clarke’s heart broke at the words of the girl next to her. “Oh Lex.” She pulled her close again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re so fucking strong and you amaze me every single time you speak. I hope you know that.”

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarkes’ cheek. “Thanks Clarke. But I wanted to talk to you about us too. Is that okay?” Clarke hesitantly nodded, internally freaking out. “So, we’ve gone on what? 2 dates? And they’ve been great. But things have gotten a little busy lately with playoffs and we really haven’t spent any time together. And I don’t really like it. Last night Anya and I had a talk about us, as in you and me. And I realized something. I’ve been scared to commit to us because I’m afraid you’ll just be gone in an instant, just like Cos. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to live scared anymore. I want to live how I want to live because I’m truly happy for the first time in a long time. So, Clarke? Will you please be my girlfriend?” She bit her lip, waiting for the blondes’ reply.

It didn’t take long for Clarke to realize Lexa wasn’t ending things between them and it took even less time for her to answer her question. She looped her hands around Lexa’s neck and brought their foreheads together until they were touching. “Of course, Lex. I would love to be your girlfriend, but only if you’ll be mine.” Lexa smiled the widest smile she possibly could and nodded before bringing their lips together in a sweet kiss. Before it could get too heated, Clarke pulled back. “Hey, you okay if we go to sleep and share a bed? I want to cuddle and fall asleep with my beautiful girlfriend right now.” Lexa nodded and kissed Clarke’s lips quickly before moving to pull the covers back. When they were both under, she opened her arms and Clarke curled up into her chest. Both of them fell asleep in minutes, dreaming of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to anyone who gets what goal the free kick goal is modeled after


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter break starts. Clarke visits Polis for first time. Plus a short trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter but my hope from here on out is if I make them a bit shorter and more concise I'll have the desire to write more and also the story will move forward more.

The high from winning the national championship was something every player rode clear into finals week, causing everyone horrible finals week stress. They were all overly stressed. Clarke couldn’t count the number of stress induced fights she had with Raven and Octavia. They each had 5 finals and between pre-med, mechanical engineering, and criminal justice they weren’t easy finals. It also didn’t help that Clarke hadn’t seen Lexa all week and Octavia hadn’t seen Lincoln, making both of them grumpy and both of them were clueless on Raven’s subpar mood. But Clarke had just walked out of her last final and was ready to celebrate by drinking and ripping any useless notes to shreds. As she walked towards her apartment she felt her phone vibrate with a call. She smiled as she answered, “Hey babe, what’s up?”

            “You’re still okay to leave tomorrow right? You don’t need to go home first or change plans do you? It’s okay if you do. We can figure something out or if you don’t want to go you don’t have to and I can see you when we get back for semester and-“

            “Lex, babe. Take a breath. Geez, do you know how sentences work? You pause after they end and take a breath so you don’t die. Yes, I’m still okay with going home with you tomorrow. And I would hope you would know that I’m sure as hell not going to go 3 weeks without seeing my girlfriend when I haven’t seen her at all this week anyway. You bet your sweet ass I’m going.”

            “Okay, well, my last final is over at 1pm. I’m thinking we hit the road by 3 or 4? It’s a 2 hour drive to Polis from here so then I can get back from my final, you can come over with your stuff and we can relax a bit before packing the car and leaving? We can leave right away if you want but I think decompressing after finals week sounds nice.”

            “Whatever you want, Lex. I’m in no rush to go anywhere and I just finished my last final so I’ll just hang out until you’re done. Now get back to studying, I know you’re worried about this one.”

            When they hung up, Clarke paused to pump herself up for the trip. _Okay, Clarke. You’re spending 2 weeks with Lexa before going home. You’re meeting Tight-ass. Shit, Titus. Don’t call him that to his face. You need to give him a chance. You both love Lexa. Wait- what the fuck? I can’t love Lexa yet. Oh god. I just need to pack and drink._    

            The next day, Clarke knocked on her girlfriends door, having gotten the text that she finished her final 20 minutes earlier. She dropped her bags and smiled when the brunette opened the door, forgoing walking in for bringing the other girl in for a quick kiss. “Hey babe. How’d it go?”

            Lexa returned the smile after their kiss, feeling like she’d never get used to receiving kisses from Clarke. “It went better than I expected. I’m feeling pretty confident about it actually. But I’m ready for a break. And to spend some real, quality time with you.”

            “Good, I’m glad it went well. We can head out now if you want to. I know you miss home.”

            Lexa laughed as she slid Clarke’s bags into her apartment. “Babe, I miss home but I miss you more. I’m going to make sure I don’t miss you before we leave.” She grabbed Clarke’s hand and slowly walked them backwards into her bedroom.

            An hour later, (okay, two and a half hours later when Lexa made sure she let Clarke know how much she missed her) Lexa packed both of their bags in her car before they hit the road. About 10 minutes before they arrived in Polis, Lexa glanced at her girlfriend, noticing the stress etched on her face. “Babe? You okay? What’s going on?” She carefully reached over and put her hand over Clarke’s.

            Clarke glanced over and smiled as she wove their fingers together. “I’m fine. I’m just a little nervous Lex. I’m meeting the man who has been like your father figure your whole life. I’m going to be immersed in how you grew up, seeing people who have been your people since you were young. It’s just a little intimidating you know? I just want to make a good impression.”

            Lexa kissed her knuckles before putting their hands back down in Clarke’s lap. “Clarke, baby, listen to me. You will make the best impression because you make me happy. And if for some reason someone doesn’t like you then that’s their fault for not seeing what a beautiful, smart, talented, funny woman you are. You’re amazing. And guess what? We’re here.” Clarke gulped and nodded as she got out of the car and walked towards the cabin style house.

            A bald man with tattoos opened the door for them and stared at them before smiling at Lexa, gripping her forearm, bowing, and letting them in. “Heda. Welcome home. You have missed much.”

            Lexa nodded at Titus. “Titus, it’s good to see you again. I trust that you’ve kept things in order since you didn’t send for me to return.” When he nodded she pulled Clarke to be closer to her as she said, “This is my girlfriend, Clarke. She’ll be visiting for a few weeks. I trust you’ll treat her as you would me.” Clarke nervously smiled before extending her hand for a handshake. One that was only returned after Lexa glared at the man. “Well, it’s late. Clarke and I will be going to sleep now. You’re dismissed.”

Titus met Lexa in the kitchen the next morning when she woke up. “Lexa. We need to talk about this girl.”

Lexa let a deep sigh out as she tried to grab breakfast. “What is it this time Titus? I think we’ve had enough conversations about my life to be done with all of this.

“Love is weakness. To be Commander is to be alone. I thought you would have learned that after-.”

            “Don’t you dare say her name. I will not hear this again” Lexa rolled her eyes at her mentor’s words to her.

            Titus refused to give up his argument. “Your feelings for Clarke put both of you in danger.”

            “I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF SEPARATAING FEELINGS FROM DUTY!” Clarke stopped herself from walking downstairs when she heard Lexa raise her voice. “When Costia was killed, I kept going. I didn’t do anything about those Azgeda killers because I knew it was important to keep the coalition. I didn’t get revenge. I didn’t give them the punishment they deserved because I knew it was more important to keep the alliance. Now. Leave me alone Titus. I have a girlfriend that I want to spend time with. You WILL NOT interrupt my time with her and you WILL NOT cause her any discomfort while she is a guest. Okay?” She waited until Titus bowed his head in embarrassment and walked out of the room to go find her girlfriend. She stumbled as she saw her a little bit down the hall and stopped. “How much of that did you hear?”

            Clarke looked at the ground before gaining courage to look back up at her. She took a step forward, as did Lexa, before she whispered, “enough” and crashed their lips together.

            Lexa pulled away from the kiss, smiling. “I’m not complaining but what exactly was that for?”

            “Lex, you just stood up for me. You just backed me up to the man who basically raised you. The man that is your advisor. The man who has been your father figure. That means so much to me. You’re amazing.” She breathed out before giving her another small kiss.

           

As the two weeks in Polis continued, Lexa showed Clarke around her hometown whenever she wasn’t being called to uphold her duties. During the few hours a day where she was in meetings, Clarke would explore the small town on her own, slowly becoming friends with the locals and learning just how highly Lexa was thought of by her people.

The day before she left, Clarke was wandering the downtown streets before seeing a path heading into the woods. As she walked down it she heard her girlfriends voice as well as many other voices. She stumbled upon a clearing where she saw Lexa surrounded by 8 other children, none of which could have been older than 12. She saw a young boy with sandy hair in the center of their makeshift circle holding a stick, squaring up with Lexa who had one of her own. As they dueled, Clarke found herself cringing and holding her breath while they swung wildly but controlled at each other.

Finally, Lexa knocked the stick out of the young boys’ hands and used her foot on his chest to push him down to the ground. “You fought well, Aden.” She spoke lowly to him before helping him up. When Lexa looked up she was surprised to see Clarke staring back at her. She dismissed the kids and walked over to her girlfriend. “What are you doing here?”

Clarke looked sheepish as she responded. “I thought this path might lead to a cool view that I could take pictures of to draw later but instead I found you and couldn’t stop watching. Who were those kids? And why were you fighting that one?”

“Those are the ones who will fight for next in line after me. Remember at the bonfire when I talked about the Natblida and how they have to be trained in all those styles of fighting? When I can make it home I try to train them myself as much as I can. The one I was sparring with was Aden, he is the most promising of all the novitiates.”

“What do you mean next in line? Like for the position of Heda?”

“Yes, typically something like this doesn’t happen until the current Heda passes away. However, because my life is beginning to look like it will happen away from this town, I’m working with Titus on finding someone in the next few years who will take over for me.”

Clarke furrowed her brow. “Does the position of Heda not typically last long? How long does the typical one last?”

Lexa sighed, knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t like the answer. “The typical Heda has lasted about 4 years. I’m in my 8th year which is already longer than the longest serving.” She paused when Clarke gasped “But don’t worry. The coalition ensures that the clans are all happy enough that nothing will happen to me. But in the case of unrest that’s why I’m looking to end my term before my death. Obviously, if I make it on the national team I must be committed. I cannot be leaving camp or tournaments if something happens here and because I feel I can allow myself to go after my dreams I am looking to end it. Now, it’s your last night before the semester starts back up so let’s talk about something else?”

Clarke smiled devilishly. “We don’t have to talk at all. But, before our no talking starts, I think I should warn you that I’ll see you before break ends. I’m going to the MAC Herman Trophy ceremony. I have to support this super-hot girl who’s up for the award.”

Lexa beamed at her girlfriend’s words. “My countdown has changed then. Now, less talking, more kissing.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Two weeks later, Clarke and Lexa found themselves in downtown Saint Louis, walking around the Cardinals stadium to the MAC Herman trophy ceremony. “You nervous, Lex?”

            The brunette only looked at her before shaking her head. “No, I mean I won’t lie, winning something like this would be awesome but it’s not why I play. The only reason I’m even happy to be here is because I have you beside me.”

            Clarke laughed as she lifted their intertwined hands and kissed her knuckles. “You’re such a fucking sap. Now let’s go.”

            Clarke sat with the rest of the guests and fans while the player of honor, Tobin Heath was announced and brought on the stage. _I don’t get why they do this. They don’t announce the winners and they don’t say anything. They’re just here for the photo opportunity._ But she was brought out of her thoughts as the finalists were announced. She politely clapped as Emori and Maya were introduced but clapped like crazy as she heard her girlfriend getting announced.

            “Finally, from Triku University, Lexa Woods. A senior standout in the midfield, Woods amassed 22 goals and 15 assists this year for the most goals by a player this season as well as the most points. Woods helped lead her team to a national title after coming in 2nd place her freshman and sophomore years. Again, our final nominee, Lexa Woods.”

            Clarke zoned out again as the male finalists were announced, only caring about the one name she heard. As the ceremony continued, she waited nervously as they brought someone up to announce the winner. “Our 2018 MAC Herman trophy winner on the women’s side; Lexa Woods from Triku University!” Clarke applauded loudly, proud of herself from withholding the screaming cheers she wanted to release.

            After the ceremony had ended and Lexa took her picture with the men’s winner and Tobin Heath she met Clarke who greeted her with kisses. “Babe I’m so proud of you! I always knew you were #1 in the nation but now it’s official.”

            Lexa just smiled and gave Clarke a huge hug, lifting her off the ground and spinning around. “It helped having people like you and O on the other side of any assists I got. And I believe you got a few assists on my goals so thanks for that too. Want to go celebrate?”

She grabbed her girlfriends hand and began to lead them out of the center and out on the clear, chilly, St. Louis winter night. Before they reached the doo, Lexa felt a hand on her shoulder. She stopped and turned to see Tobin Heath as the one who had stopped her. “Hey, Woods. Just wanted to say I’ve been watching your season this year. You deserved this award. I know ankle injuries are tough, I’ve had my share. But, if we don’t get to play together during the season I look forward to playing with you on the national level. I have no doubt you’ll be there soon. You too Griffin.” After she finished her comments she walked away, leaving both girls speechless.

Clarke grabbed the other girl’s shoulders before pulling her into a hug. “Holy shit Lex. Did you hear that? She basically said you’re going to get called up! That’s amazing! I’m not surprised but like, babe! That’s incredible news!”

Lexa laughed as she responded. “Me? She told you basically the same thing! You better be declaring for the draft in a few weeks. We’ll road trip to KC together. And by together, I mean just you and me. Anya, O, and Raven can ride in a separate car. Now let’s go out and celebrate tonight, yeah?” Clarke nodded and nudged her girlfriend out the door so they could walk to the closest bar for a night of fun before celebrating even more when they got back to their hotel room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One moment in this chapter sets up a little bit of the future of this story....... and maybe series??? (though with my update inconsistency I doubt anyone actually wants me writing more)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip to KC, the draft, and a look into after the draft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have like 3 chapters at least posted between last chapter and this one going up but life got crazy and I'm trying to find a job while balancing my final semester of college (less than 50 days til graduation though!) I'm also having shoulder surgery next week so I don't know when the next chapter is going up since I have to be 2-3 weeks ahead in all my classes before I have surgery since I'll be on pain killers and stuff. Anyway, enjoy!

The drive up to Kansas City was not long by anyone’s standards, only about five hours one way. Clarke and Lexa found themselves leading the caravan, with Anya, Raven, Lincoln, and Octavia in the car behind them. As they crossed the border into Kansas, Clarke looked in between her and Lexa driving, where their hands lay joined together, as they had been since they started the trip. She smiled to herself as she thought about how great her life felt at the time. _Holy shit I think I love her. It’s too soon isn’t it? Oh God, now I’m freaking out over this_. “Hey babe?”

Lexa glanced over her direction at her girlfriend and smiled before returning her eyes to the road. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to say I’m glad we’re doing this. And I’m proud of you. And you make me really happy. I know that’s super mushy and stuff but I needed to say it.” She felt Lexa squeeze her hand and she smiled before hearing the radio station switch to the next song. “Oh my God, Lex! I love this song!” and immediately started singing.

 

_I've never lived a simple life_  
_I just got one confession_  
_With you I start to question_  
_Every single thing I thought was right_  
_I may never learn my lesson_  
_But you are my only heaven_

Lexa smiled listening to her girlfriend singing along and laughed as she pointed to her during the previous line.

 

_You and me_  
_Is everything I need_  
_Is everything I want_  
_But I want to believe_  
_That when they say love is blind_  
_That I see_  
_Every time you smile_  
_When they say only fools rush in_  
_That I may be foolish to know what forever is_

Lexa had never heard this song before but she was entranced by the blonde singing next to her. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and couldn’t help but smile at her girlfriend as she got into the song more and more. _My God, I love this girl._

_I know love can be a scary thing_  
_But you are more than worth it_  
_Girl I ain't even nervous_  
_Your touch it makes the fire burn_  
_And now that this fire's rolling_  
_I keep on wantin' more of_

_You and me_  
_'Cause it's everything I need_  
_It's everything I want_  
And I wan _t to believe_  
_That when they say love is blind_  
_That I see_  
_Every time you smile_  
_When they say only fools rush in_  
_That I may be foolish to know what forever is_

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand to get her attention. “Baby, what song is this? I like it a lot.”

Clarke smiled “It’s Love is Blind by Nick Fradiani. I think it’s a pretty accurate song for us if you ask me. But it’s not over yet!”

 

_I've never lived a simple life_  
_But you are my only heaven_  
_You are my only_

_So when they said love is blind_  
_That I see_  
_Every time you smile_  
_When they say only fools rush in_  
_Then I may be foolish_  
_To know what forever is_

Clarke smiled softly at Lexa as the other girl lifted their joined hands and kissed her knuckles. “So you liked that one, huh? I’m sure it was my fantastic singing.”

Lexa chuckled and nodded. “Always a joker aren’t you?” She paused as Clarke eagerly nodded. “And that’s why I- that’s what makes you, you.” _Oh shit I hope she didn’t catch what I was about to say. I am not telling her I love her on a road trip._

Clarke inhaled sharply but quietly. _Was she about to tell me she loves me? I gotta tell someone._

 

**Griffbaby** :

Guys. I think Lexa was about to tell me she loved me.

 

**RaeBae** :

Fucking finally!!! Did you say it back?

 

**Octavibabe** :

Thank God. I’m so tired of the tension waiting for you two to finally admit it.

 

**Griffbaby** :

No, she didn’t tell me. She stopped herself.

It just sounded like she was going to.

Maybe she wasn’t going to say it.

 

**Octavibabe** :

Oh please. That girl is obsessed with you.

 

**RaeBae:**

O is right. You got the commander whipped.

 

“Clarke?” She was snapped out of her group message by her girlfriend. “We have about 3 hours left. You okay to stop with the others for gas and a snack?” She veered towards the exit after Clarke nodded back to her.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Babe? Do you know where my right shoe is? I can’t find it and we need to leave!” Clarke yelled from the bathroom of their hotel room as they got ready for the draft. She looked up at the door to see her girlfriend holding a heel from her finger. “Thank you so much babe.” She gave her a quick kiss before putting her shoe on. “You’re the best, where was it?”

Lexa smiled as she gave her another kiss before answering. “It was under the bed. Honestly Clarke, we have been here less than a day and you’re already losing everything. I don’t get how you do that.” She shook her head as she left the bathroom.

“It’s a gift.” Clarke yelled back. “You know you love it!”

Lexa stopped in her tracks by the bed. _If only she knew_. “Whatever you say babe. You ready yet? We really gotta go.”

Clarke dramatically exited the bathroom. “Let’s go hot stuff.”

Lexa glanced up, getting her first real look at her girlfriend. “Damn babe. You look sexy. Whatever happens tonight let’s celebrate here after. Clothes optional?” she finished as she stepped in front of the blonde.

With a quick peck of the lips Clarke smiled. “Sure thing. I have a feeling we’ll have a lot to celebrate.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hello everyone and welcome to the 2018 NWSL draft. We’re glad you all could make it. We’re very excited to kick off the 2018 season with this draft after a very successful 2017 season. So, let’s take a look back at some of last season’s highlights, ending in the Portland Thorns taking the crown.” Amanda Duffy stepped away from the podium while the highlight reel started.

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand. “We’re gonna be in that video next year babe. I’m so proud of you. And you’re just getting started. I can’t wait to see what you accomplish in the future.” Clarke beamed at the girl next to her as the video ended.

Amanda Duffy stepped back up to the microphone to start the draft. “Boston Breakers, you’re now on the clock.”

The timer had hit 0 and still no announcement on the first player. “Lex, what’s going on? Why hasn’t anyone come up to do the first pick yet?”

Lexa shrugged. “A trade I guess.”

As soon as she finished the sentence, the announcement was made. “There has been a trade. The Boston Breakers have traded their first round draft pick to the Portland Thorns for the Thorns’ 2018 first round draft pick and two players to be named later. With their first pick, the Portland Thorns select Alexandria Woods from Triku University.”

“Holy shit Lex!” Clarke screamed in her ear before crushing her in a hug, the brunette too stunned to react.

As the realization sunk in she beamed. She was enveloped in hugs by Octavia, Raven, and Anya before she walked up to the mic with a new Portland scarf around her neck. “Wow. Hi everyone. First of all, thank you so much to the Portland Thorns for drafting me. Thank you to my friends and the people who have become family to me for all of their support. Thank you to all my coaches, especially those at Triku, for teaching me how the game is supposed to be played. Thank you to my teammates for motivating me and pushing me to be the best players. I am so excited to get this season started with the riveters behind us.” Clarke clapped the loudest as Lexa left the stage, being ushered over to a backdrop to take a picture before getting interviewed.

“So, Lexa, how does it feel to go number 1 overall?” The interview had started and she was still in a daze.

“Honestly it’s so surreal. I feel so honored, not only that Portland drafted me, but that they traded to get this pick to draft me. It means so much that they have this much trust in my skill and I will do everything I have to prove to them it was the right choice.”

“You had to be expecting this a little didn’t you? You scored a goal in the championship game that you won, you had the most goals in points in NCAA soccer this season, and you won the MAC Herman trophy. That just screams first pick doesn’t it?”

“I’m happy to be picked first but I wouldn’t say I was expecting it. There are a lot of great players in this draft, including many of my teammates.”

“Speaking of players in this draft, it looks like the fourth pick is in. Let’s take a break and listen to who will be going to Orlando.”

“With the fourth pick in the 2018 NWSL draft, the Orlando Pride select Clarke Griffin from Triku University.”

Lexa beamed as the interview started back up. “You just mentioned you had some stellar teammates. This one is a bit new for you. Do you like this pick for Orlando with them already having the likes of Marta and Alex Morgan? What are they getting in Clarke Griffin?”

Lexa laughed a little to herself knowing this interviewer had no insight into the real truth of her and Clarke. “Orlando is getting a fantastic player. Obviously Clarke was captain of the Arkadia team before they shut down the program. Triku would not have won the championship without Clarke or the rest of the Ark U girls. She has an uncanny ability to find the back of the net and is one of the toughest players I’ve ever played with. Pride fans will be extremely happy with her on the field. She’s a phenomenal striker.”

“Ok, thank you for your time Lexa and good luck during the season.”

“Thank you, it was a pleasure talking to you.” With that, she left the area to go find her girlfriend. She found the blonde just finishing her photos and bombarded her with a tight hug from behind. “Clarke I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re amazing and you deserve this. I hope med school is okay with you deferring for a while.”

Clarke turned around in her arms and squeezed her so hard. “Lexa, babe, I’m so happy for you too. First pick? I told you baby.” She pulled back for a second before leaning in to her ear, whispering in a lower tone. “We have so much celebrating to do tonight.”

Lexa shivered before composing herself and taking Clarke’s hand. “Let’s go back to our seats and hear when everyone else gets taken.

As they walked back, the next pick was made. “With the 5th pick of the 2018 NWSL college draft, the Seattle Reign pick Anya Woods from Triku University.”

Lexa went as quickly as she could to meet her cousin in a huge hug. “Ahn! I’m so proud of you! We’re only 3 hours away from each other too!”

Anya smiled and hugged her back. “I’m proud of you too cuz. Just wait though, Seattle is going to beat Portland’s ass.” As soon as she finished she walked up to the podium.

The group stayed together through the rest of the draft, getting overly excited when Octavia was drafted 10th overall to Boston, later traded to Sky Blue. Finally, they cheered the loudest when Raven was drafted 14th overall to Chicago, knowing that they all got drafted and would be playing pro.

When they walked back to the hotel, Clarke and Lexa quickly separated from the group, heading to their own room to celebrate. As soon as Lexa opened the door, Clarke pinned her against it. Hands began to wander and clothes started to be shed, leaving a trail on their way to the bed. Lexa felt her knees hit the bed and she sat down on the edge, causing the kiss to end. Lexa looked up at her girlfriend in awe of her beauty. “I love you” she breathed out.

Clarke shook her head quickly, shaking out of her daze at the words said by Lexa. “What did you say?” She saw Lexa grow nervous. _Shit, I don’t want her to think I don’t love her back._ She tried again. “Say it again. Please.”

Lexa smiled. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I am hopelessly in love with you, Clarke Griffin. I just needed to tell you. I don’t care if you don’t love me or if you’re not ready to say-“

“I love you too” Clarke quickly cut her off. “I love you so fucking much. I’m in awe of you and I look up to you and I just stare at you in wonder sometimes. But most of all, I am so fucking in love with you.”

Lexa beamed before connecting their lips in a fierce kiss. “Let me show you how much I love you.” She growled in her ear before pulling her down onto the bed, flipping them in the process. And show her love she did for the rest of the night. Sleep could wait, they had a lot to celebrate.


	19. Authors note

I promise a chapter is coming! Between rehabbing my shoulder, finishing school (!!!), interviewing, trips, packing and moving, now getting a job and preparing to move again, I just haven't had any time to write. I'm hoping to get a chapter out in the next week or so but it may be after I've gotten settled into my new job a bit. 

 

Sorry for the wait!!!


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